Hoffmann of the Month: September

Some say this is long overdue. Not my return to the world of academia (more on that in a sec), though that is in fact long overdue. No, the day the masses have been waiting for, have been downright clamoring for, has finally arrived--I have been crowned "Hoffmann of the Month" for September. Congratulations, me!

On Monday afternoon, I posted the above picture on Facebook with the following caption: "Today was my first day of school since 2004. I'm now on my way to eventually becoming a high school English teacher. I didn't tell many people I was going back, in case something came up that forced me to change my plans (it's happened more than once before; I've been planning this at some level since at least 2007). It's vital to note that while I now attend the University of Utah, I will NEVER be a Ute. #GoCougars"

And boy, did this resonate with my friends. 33 comments have been made on the picture (only two by me), and it has been Liked a whopping 168 times! That's more than twice as many as my previous record, and more than I would've expected to get if I had posted an "I'm engaged!" picture. If I were to add a new friend and they immediately liked this photo, then exactly 20% of my friends would've given me their virtual thumbs up. Thinking of the numbers that way makes it seem much less impressive, so forget I brought it up. Instead--wow! 168 Likes!

I have just one week of classes under my belt; moving forward I imagine I'll have plenty to write about what I'm learning, my career progression, and such, but for now I just have a few comments about what it's like to not only be back in college after a 9-year break, but to be doing it at a school that doesn't have an honor code like BYU's. Some of the weirdest differences:

--I'm pretty sure I'm older than 3 of my 5 teachers, and one of the others is probably just a couple of years older than me.
--People can ride bikes and skateboards around campus with impunity. I just know I'm going to crash into one at some point. It was comforting to see that unicycle riders are looked at by passersby as the freaks they are, just like we did at BYU.
--So many girls in super-short shorts.
--So many guys with scruffy facial hair.
--So many guys with tattoos, and even MORE girls with tattoos.
--People smoking! They don't do it in buildings, obviously, but I would've assumed it was banned entirely on campus.

One of the comments on my FB photo was another picture--this one:

It's a common barb hurled at BYU fans by their U of U counterparts, as is the fact that Brigham Young founded the Salt Lake school well before his Provo namesake. This is true, but face it--if he had gotten it right the first time, he wouldn't have needed to found a second one. BYU forever!

This week's Gospel Doctrine class focuses on the transition of church leadership to Brigham Young after the death of Joseph Smith. Study up on it here.

That's right, I combined this post with my weekly BASOTRUSSL blog. It might seem like a cheap move, but you ought to cut me some slack. After all, I'm the new Hoffmann of the Month!

Praise to the man

In my last post, I mentioned that both my parents and my greatgrandparents were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on June 27th (but 47 years apart). That date is also the anniversary of the martyrdom of Joseph and Hyrum Smith in 1844, an event that is the focus of this week's Sunday School lesson.

Very early in Joseph's ministry, the angel Moroni told him that his name would "be both good and evil spoken of among all people." That continues to happen to this day. It's interesting that such a common name has become so well-known. When you say the name "Joseph Smith," you could literally be talking about thousands of different people, but everyone assumes you mean the founder of the LDS Church unless you indicate otherwise.

Wikipedia has pages for almost 50 people named Joseph Smith or Joe Smith; most are not very well known, let alone spoken of positively and/or negatively among all people. Probably the best-known of the second-tier Joe Smiths is the former NBA player; many speak evil of him because he didn't live up to his billing as the first overall pick in the 1995 draft, and because of his role in a contract tampering scandal that cost the Minnesota Timberwolves some picks in later drafts. But he actually had a pretty solid career.

There's a Joe Smith currently pitching for the Cleveland Indians, and he's the only non-LDS-affiliated Joe/Joseph Smith that I knew of before scoping out Wikipedia's list. But there's a few that are at least mildly interesting:

--In 1999, this Joe Smith became the oldest man to swim the English Channel.

--One Joseph Smith is a gambling expert.

--We wouldn't have the tango in the United States if not for yet another Joseph Smith.

--Finally, this Joseph Smith has a lot in common with THE Joseph Smith, if you swap "prophet' for "jazz musician." Both came from large families, and had some siblings with unusual names (Don Carlos and Sophronia, meet Doonie and Carpathia). Both worked at many different jobs in their youth. Both spent time in New York before moving west. Both had small but devoted followings, and produced a lot of jazz records/scriptural records despite dying in their 30s.

There have been many depictions of the life of Joseph Smith over the years. This one is the most recent released by the Church itself, and it's well worth an hour to watch it. You may have to overlook Brigham Young's awful hair, or the fact that young Joseph looks a lot like the kid from this relic of the early Internet (that one is almost half an hour long; I'm asking y'all to devote some significant time to these two videos, but trust me--they're SO worth it, though for different reasons), but if you do you'll be richly rewarded. Two things that stood out to me: Joseph's preaching and testimony didn't focus on the Book of Mormon, or the restoration of the Priesthood or the Church, but simply on the need to trust in the Lord and follow His commandments; and the movie highlights the relationship between Joseph and his wife Emma in a way most Church sermons, lessons, publications and media materials rarely do. It's a positive change, in my mind. Anyway, watch, and let me know what you think!

Great-Grandpa's Diary, Vol. II

This Sunday in Gospel Doctrine we'll be discussing eternal marriage. Seems like a good time to dust off Great-Grandpa Hofmann's autobiography, as the story of his courtship and marriage is one of the more unusual parts of his history. (Here's a link to the first post in which I quoted from his diary.)

Grandpa Ed served in the German military during World War I, but was discharged as a result of a serious injury (some stories related to this will definitely be told in later posts, there's some really good stuff). In 1917, while the war was still going on, he was called as the Vice President of the Swiss-German mission.

Because of the war, the mission president (an American) was unable to visit or even correspond with branches or members of the church in Germany and Austria. So my great-grandfather was the highest ranking church officer in the two countries during that time. How cool is that? In two rented rooms, Ed Hofmann and an "aged" mission companion, Paul Gmelin, both slept and did their office work. I'll let Ed take it from here:

Brother Gmelin and I could not do all the work required of us properly. We needed help.

The President of the Swiss-German Mission, Angus J. Cannon, as well as the President of the European Mission, George F. Richards, advised me to marry so that the aged Brother Gmelin would have a home. In addition, I was to look for someone to help me in my office work. In December 1917 I rented an apartment to which we moved our office and living quarters and asked Sister Margaret Albisser who lived in Zurich if she would go on a mission if she was called. She answered yes she would go, but she takes care of her grandmother. I told her we would take care of that problem. Then she consented. Thereupon I asked her if she would also be prepared to marry me. Without delay she answered yes...on Christmas 1917 we began family life.

How crazy is that? Margaret's mission call was basically to marry Ed. And she said yes, "without delay." It's likely the two of them at least knew each other before this odd proposal, though the diary gives no indication of this and certainly does not provide details of any additional dating or courting that took place. It seems more like Margaret was simply following the pattern established by Rachel and Rebekah in Genesis, viewing the blessings of a covenant marriage as more important than typical relationship concerns.

Family certainly came first for Ed and Margaret. It also came right away--the first child was born in October, 1918. That was my grandfather, Karl Edward Hofmann, Jr. (he would also go by "Ed"). They had eight children by the time they moved to the US in 1929, and four more were born after arriving in Utah. That's a lot of posterity! On June 20, 1929

President Bryant S. Hinckley [yep, Gordon's dad!] signed a temple recommend for me, Mama and our eight children. June 27th Mama and I went through the Salt Lake Temple for our own endowments and sealing. [June 27th is my parents' anniversary/sealing date too!] As this was done our eight children came into the sealing room and were sealed to us. The sealing was done by President George F. Richards, former President of the European Mission who advised me to marry in 1917. He told me at this time his advice was a good one.

You can say that again! My life has been blessed tremendously by their decision to not only marry but to seek for an eternal marriage, to be sealed together forever. I'm hoping that reading this account will have an impact on my dating patterns. Two of the main reasons (though certainly not the only ones) I am not yet married are laziness and being too picky. My great-grandfather was told to get married, and he went right to work. And even though Ed and Margaret didn't "date," they were committed to each other and to the Lord and they made their marriage work. Overall, arranged marriages have a strikingly low divorce rate. That's certainly not the only thing to consider before advocating for more arranged marriages, but I generally agree with this statement from former LDS Church President Spencer W. Kimball:

"Soul mates" are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.

This was definitely the case for my great-grandparents.

Love is a temple

The big news from the world of Mormons this week was, of course, BYU's brief flirtation with a really stupid football uniform idea. But the second biggest story had to have been the debut of a new temple film during the endowment ceremony. When I hear the words "Mormon" and "film" I first think of Halestorm, but fortunately the makers of The Home Teachers and Church Ball had nothing to do with this.

Temples are the holiest places on Earth to Mormons, and they refrain from going into detail about what happens inside ("temples aren't secret, they're sacred," is how some like to say it). The endowment is one of several ordinances (along with baptisms, marriage sealings, and others) that are performed for both the living and the dead, and is the most time-consuming, due largely to the film that is shown--a session comprised of instruction, prayer, covenants, and blessings.

One of the most fulfilling ways in which I've provided service in the church is as a temple ordinance worker, in both the Manhattan and Jordan River Temples. The ordinances are the same, but pretty much all other details couldn't be more different between the two temples. Manhattan is small, one of only a few LDS Temples converted from an existing building (it occupies a few floors of a building across from Lincoln Center; a regular LDS meetinghouse takes up a few other floors). Comparatively few patrons can visit at any given time. Most of the volunteer ordinance workers are single adults in their 20s and 30s, plus full-time senior missionary couples.

Jordan River, on the other hand, was at one time the busiest temple in the church, as measured by number of ordinances performed. Two new temples have opened in south Salt Lake County in the last few years, so I don't know if it still holds that top spot or not. The vast majority of the workers are retirees, and by necessity each shift of ordinance workers has a tightly scheduled rotation of assignments.

Serving as an ordinance worker is one of the most unique callings in the church. You're called and set apart as with other positions, but you're not sustained in sacrament meeting, and even though there is an official call it's one you can actually (and are encouraged to) volunteer for. There are also unique restrictions to the calling, at least for the men: no facial hair allowed, and single men cannot serve as ordinance workers after turning 30, only as "veil workers" (still temple service, but in a much more limited capacity).

Some of my favorite memories from my days as an ordinance worker:

--Part of the film previously referred to depicts the creation of the world and the fall of Adam. The married couple who played Adam and Eve in one of the older versions lived in New York, and once attended an endowment session I officiated at the Manhattan Temple. It was kind of surreal.
--Some more traditional "celebrity" sightings...three-time Super Bowl champ Bart Oates was one of my fellow ordinance workers in Manhattan, and I saw Shawn Bradley several times when he was a patron at Jordan River.
--One of the other workers on my shift at Jordan River was my 4th grade teacher. My year in his class was his last before he retired, and I had only seen him once in the intervening years--when I was 19, and I went on "splits" with the full-time missionaries. We attended a baptism that my former teacher also attended. Nobody had remembered to fill the baptismal font in the meetinghouse, so we found a family who let us perform the baptism in their backyard swimming pool. Luckily it was June and not November.
--I got set up on a lot of blind dates while working at Jordan River, due to a number of the factors listed above: most of the other workers were old, and that's what old people do; we were in a place where eternal marriages are performed, so it was in the forefront of everyone's minds; and I was about to turn 30, and they didn't want to lose me as an ordinance worker. So I went on five blind dates over two months (more than half of the blind dates I've been on in my entire life), with a combination of female ordinance workers and friends and granddaughters of the workers on my shift. The only one I wanted to go on a second date with shot me down, but years later it landed me on Jimmy Fallon.
--Finally, if I hadn't worked at the temple, I wouldn't have had the suit needed to create my best Halloween costume ever.

To learn more about why Mormons build temples and what happens inside, this is a great place to start. This week's Sunday School lesson is about temples, focusing more specifically on vicarious work for the dead, so reading up on that would also be great.

Hoffmann of the Month: August

 It's August now, which means that by the end of this month...college football will be back! It's arguably the best time of the year for a sports fan.

As good as the season may turn out to be, it's likely the most exhilarating football play of 2013 happened at a spring scrimmage. It was a touchdown run by 7-year-old Jack Hoffman, August's "Hoffmann of the Month!"

On the surface, sports don't seem to matter much, in the grand scheme of things. But sometimes, as the video above shows, sports matter a whole heck of a lot.

Best wishes to Jack Hoffman and his family, and to the 'Huskers football team (though I'll still cheer for BYU if the two schools somehow meet in the national championship game). Congrats on your ESPY win, Jack, and on this new, even more prestigious honor--being named Hoffmann of the Month!

Get Orson Scott Card on the line

My weekly BASOTRUSSL posts (Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson) are a bit of a mixed bag. Some have really well-developed central ideas; some are nearly there, but could use some more tinkering to reach that fully-developed state; and the ideas behind some posts are half-baked at best.

For this week's blog, "half-baked" would be an aspirational level to reach. This is more like sticking a frozen lasagna in a non-preheated oven for three minutes. There's a little something there, but there's a LOT of work to do before dinner is ready.

So let's crowd-source this thing! This week's Sunday School lesson is about the Saints' time in Nauvoo, Illinois. Here's the central theme (aka, post-length joke) I set out to write about:

Nauvoo is a combination of Na'vi (the blue alien race from Avatar, the highest-grossing film of all-time) and Naboo (a prominent planet from the Star Wars saga, the highest-grossing film series of all-time, after adjusting for inflation).

I came up with a few directions the post could go, but only got a few steps forward with any of them. Here's the list, starting with the most promising:

--Girl power! All three "N words" feature women prominently. Naboo was ruled by a highly capable queen; the Na'vi had many female leaders (especially in spiritual matters), and they worshiped the goddess Eywa; and the LDS Relief Society was organized in Nauvoo.
--Sacred places. A temple was built in Nauvoo, the first in the latter-days in which ordinances such as sealings were performed. There were several sacred trees on Pandora, which were also often used as the site of marriage/mating rituals. On Naboo, there were monuments and ruins which the Gungans held to be sacred.
--Joseph Smith was betrayed by many of his former friends in Nauvoo, ultimately leading to his martyrdom. After viewing Episode I, especially any scene on Naboo with Jar Jar Binks, many Star Wars fans felt George Lucas was a "fallen prophet" of sci-fi filmmaking. Some similarly accused James Cameron of focusing on technology at the expense of storytelling, though critics were generally much more fond of Avatar than of Lucas's prequel trilogy.
--Mormon leaders pleaded for government assistance in their effort to defend themselves from unjust and unlawful persecution and attacks, but to no avail. Queen Amidala's pleas to the galactic senate went similarly unheeded, and Naboo was left to fend for itself against the Trade Federation.
--There's probably also material that could be mined from unobtanium (mined! ha!), the Na'vi language, Qui-Gon Jinn, Darth Maul being cut in half, Porter Rockwell, midi-chlorians...

So have at it, readers. If any of you actually goes to the trouble to write a full essay on any of these topics (or any others you can think of that I missed), I will gladly link to your site, or run your work on my blog, or whatever. Or if you just have a suggestion or two to help flesh out some of these ideas, I'd love to hear those too. Together, I know that by the next time this lesson rolls around in four years, we can have a t least one delicious, fully-baked BASOTRUSSL dish.