With family get-togethers, parades, the World Cup, staking out the best firework-viewing spots, and who knows what else occupying your time on Independence Day, it's possible you may have missed this year's edition of the biggest event on the competitive eating calendar: the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest.
Don't worry, that's why I'm here. It's time for another installment of Watch With Jeff! It doesn't appear that the video can be embedded in the post, but here's the link. So grab your favorite beverage, some hot dogs to dunk in it (optional), click that link, and enjoy!
0:06: Right off the bat, we get a look at Eric "Badlands" Booker, a veteran contender who won the qualifier I participated in back in 2009. He fancies himself a rapper, so maybe we're getting some sort of freestyle intro.
0:28: Nope, he's just talking, apparently. Booker's not one of the major stars of the "sport" anymore so I'm surprised he's being featured so prominently.
0:55: "Joey Chestnut stands alongside those legends [of baseball and other sports]..." If you've never watched the hot dog contest before, brace yourselves for insane amounts of hyperbole.
3:28: Champion Chestnut's girlfriend (now fiancee) is also a competitive eater, but far from the best (both genders competed together at Coney Island until 2011, now there's a separate women's event). She needs to step up her game if these two ever hope to join the ranks of athlete power couples like Lindsey and Tiger, Andre and Steffi, or Mia and Nomar.
4:14: I love how ecstatic the giant dancing hot dogs are for the newly engaged couple.
5:23: I love how everyone goes along with Major League Eating's efforts to portray this as a real sport, with weigh-ins and championship belts and everything. I'm actually a big fan of title belts, and think they should be used whenever possible in competitions. It's a much easier way to let everyone know you're the best than attaching a trophy to a chain and wearing it around your neck.
6:00: Rich Shea and his brother George (the huckster on the stage in the background) are the driving forces that have made competitive eating a real thing, with a national (and sometimes international) circuit, world rankings, a Hall of Fame, even a video game. They've never met an exaggeration they didn't like, as you'll notice as the show continues.
8:31: If you're interested, you can watch the full women's competition here, but this video only has highlights.
8:54: Did you notice Shea's "conscious uncoupling" joke there? Making jokes and allusions to pop culture happenings is par for the course at Coney Island on July 4th. I wonder how disturbed Gwyneth would be if she knew she was in any way connected to this orgy of gluttony.
10:27: Ah yes...I forgot that the Watch ESPN player doesn't edit out the commercial breaks in their archived events.
13:01: And we're back!
13:40: Even though Chestnut was a 7-time reigning champ heading into yesterday's contest, if you've only heard of one competitive eater it's probably Kobayashi. MLE has had a number of contract disputes with the former champ in the past few years, and he hasn't competed at Nathan's since 2009. They usually ignore him in these broadcasts now, but if they do refer to him it is decidedly not complimentary.
16:12: To Chestnut, not being able to eat 60 hot dogs and buns in ten minutes equals not figuring out one's body. I think most people figure out easily that their body doesn't want to do that. And that's why we enjoy watching this freak show every year.
17:18: Such a trash-talker! Even the Larry Bird "which one of you is going to finish second?" stories seem humble by comparison.
19:12: Ahh, hair jokes...so glad you're here, Cari Champion.
22:20: As you've certainly noticed before this segment, all competitors dunk their buns in water or some other liquid to help them go down faster. That was the part I was most nervous about when I competed--gagging on soggy buns. When I did it for the first time it was weird, but not nearly as gross as I had anticipated.
24:43: 4 liters of food...oh my. This is perhaps the most revolting thing I've ever seen (but I'll still hit up the pizza buffet once a month with my brother, no problem). Thanks Sport Science!
28:44: Joey's tweet on July 5th: "Just waking up to an insane amount of gas."
29:17: Time for George Shea to work his magic. By the end of these introductions you'll feel that hot dog eaters are the world's greatest superheroes.
32:28: There's our friend Badlands again. As you've noticed, everyone here has a nickname. My competitive eating moniker: "The Love Handle."
32:40: Whoah, George Shea is the one who ended up rapping!
33:51: This guy's also a burping champion? How versatile!
36:48: Tim Janus is a pretty cool name already, but this guy goes by his alter ego, "Eater X," complete with Ultimate Warrior-style face paint (will the rain mess up his paint? we'll have to wait and see). Eater X, Badlands Booker, and Chestnut are the only guys left from 2005, when I first watched the contest. I miss Cookie Jarvis, Crazy Legs Conti, Deep Dish Bertoletti, and all the others I "grew up" watching. Hopefully this new crop of talent will be just as memorable.
37:23: Watch that first step, X, it's a dooooozy!
38:25: Just once in my life, I want to be carried into a room on a divan. If he wins again and they have to carry him back out, they may need an extra guy. He's going to be 20,000 calories heavier, after all.
42:37: Hold on...was that badlands rapping a hot dog version of "Gangsta's Paradies?" Weird Al must be spinning in his grave.
43:44: And they're off!
44:22: "Luis Suarez bite." Well played, Shea, especially since you won't be able to make World Cup jokes again for another four years. Luckily there are still elite tennis players, golfers, runners, football players, boxers, etc., that you can pretend these guys are equal or superior to.
44:47: It rained a bit during my contest five years ago, but it seems to be raining much harder here. It might soften up the buns more, but I bet it also messes with their concentration.
47:17: I wonder how one becomes a Nathan's referee? Or a scorecard girl, for that matter? And if any of them want to trade places?
48:46: #Megatoad
49:24: "Quote-unquote great Kobayashi..." Let it go, Rich Shea. Just let it go.
50:57: I think one of them must be trying to eat the microphones or something. Hot mic, hot mic...
53:14: "I am not given to hyperbole..." So great.
54:00: When the buzzer sounds, whatever you have in your mouth counts as long as you swallow it, with no "reversal of fortune" (i.e., puke).
59:21: Dog fight. Heh. Nice one, champ.
59:56: Congrats, Joey! You're simultaneously really good and really gross. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. See you next year.
USA! USA! USA!
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