Mmmmm.....donuts

The Internet says today is National Donut Day, and that's good enough for me. I know I could get a free Krispy Kreme, but I've never been a big fan--their glazed taste more like donut candy than a real donut. Dunkin' is giving away donuts when you buy a drink or something like that, but alas, we don't have DD in Utah. I went with the best local option and bought a dozen from Banbury Cross. By the time I arrived there wasn't a huge selection left, but they're all good. As I post this, there are still a few left, so if you hurry over you can join me for a lunch donut and some milk.

To commemorate this delicious day, here are my top 10 Homer Simpson donut-related moments:

10. Homer takes Lisa with him to work one day, and offers her a donut. Lisa asks, "Do you have any fruit?" "This one has purple in it," Homer responds. "Purple is a fruit."

9. Feeling uncharacteristically remorseful after his latest act of oafishness, Homer contemplates taking his life. As he stands on the ledge of a bridge, ready to jump, he shouts, "Goodbye, cruel world!" And then quickly adds, "Goodbye, Cruller World!" A Cruller World delivery truck then drives by.

8. Many of the Halloween episodes include great donut references. In one, Homer's toaster turns into a time machine, and he visits alternate universe after alternate universe in an attempt to find his way home. At one point, he ends up in a world where he has a fancy house and car, his kids are well-behaved, and Patty and Selma are dead. It's practically heaven, until he realizes that nobody knows what donuts are. As he retreats to the basement to try again, it begins raining--and the raindrops are donuts. Isn't it ironic?

7. Homer makes an enemy of the new guy at work, Frank Grimes. Grimey's criticisms of Homer include the fact that he eats like a pig. "I don't know, pigs tend to chew," Lenny responds, as Homer downs a maple bar without using his teeth. "I'd say he eats more like a duck."

6. Homer procures a helper monkey named Mojo, and one of the first tasks he gives his new assistant is to sneak through the bakery's air ducts and steal donuts. Mojo emerges with his arms, legs, and tail covered in donuts--but he stays up on the roof rather than sharing with Homer. He takes a bite of one, and then tosses it on the ground. "I don't need your pity," Homer yells--then immediately pounces on the leftovers.

Bonus Entry: "Little Chocolate Donuts." It's not from The Simpsons, but it's too funny not to include. Plus Belushi was kind of like a real-life Homer Simpson.

5. In another Halloween classic, Homer steals the giant donut from the Lard Lad sign, but then all of the town's giant advertising mascots come to life and go on a rampage. Marge urges Homer to give the big donut back to end the horror, which he does--but the Lard Lad uses it to smash more cars and houses. "Don't you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?" Homer asks his wife, receiving the sheepish reply "Sometimes."

4. Homer is the conductor of the Springfield Monorail, taking it on its maiden voyage--but the brakes don't work! He fashions a crude anchor, which eventually hooks onto the aforementioned giant donut, eventually stopping the train and saving dozens of lives. This leads to Homer's profound statement: "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

3. While at work, Homer naps and dreams he is on trial on the Planet of the Donuts, accused of eating half of the population. His donut lawyer attempts to mount a defense, until Homer takes a bite out of him. They return the favor by feeding Homer to a giant, monster donut. He then wakes up--hungry for donuts, naturally. But there's only one left in the break room. Homer tries radiating it to make it big, but ends up causing a nuclear meltdown instead.

2. Mr. Burns and Smithers are at the security monitors, watching Homer eating donuts. They have this classic exchange:

Burns: Look at that pig, stuffing his face with donuts on my time. That's right, keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut. [Evil laugh] There is a poison one, isn't there, Smithers?
Smithers: Uh...no, sir. I discussed it with our lawyers, and they consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!

1. It has to be this one.

Which is your favorite Homer Donut Moment? (That's some good assonance--and I'm not talking about the effect donuts have on the size of your butt.) Did I omit any classics? And where's your favorite donut place?