Hoffmann of the Month: November/December

I'm pretty late naming a "Hoffmann of the Month" (so named to allow any Hofman, Hofmann, Hoffman, or Hoffmann to be eligible) for November, so this month's honoree will reign not only through the rest of November, but for December as well. It's only fitting, because this may be my favorite one yet: Austria's representative in last week's Miss Universe pageant--and proof that you can't spell HOTM without "hot"--Doris Hofmann!

Although there's scant biographical data available on Miss Hofmann, you can trust that I've researched this month's winner more thoroughly than any previous winner. Her official Miss Universe bio includes an extensive photo gallery (though be advised she's bikini-clad in many of them), and also reveals that she loves wiener schnitzel and used to work on a BMW assembly line. She's also not particularly adept at keeping a balloon afloat with her breath.

A native of the Austrian town of Steyr (which I assume is fittingly pronounced "Stare," though I'm not going to look it up in case I'm wrong), Doris was Austria's first Miss Universe contestant since 2004. Sure, she didn't even place in the top 16, but who knows how long the drought would've continued if a Hofmann had never come along? Everyone likes to make jokes about how Miss Universe is, somehow, always an Earthling, but let's be honest--if any Martians or Rigelians or green Star Trek ladies had entered, Doris would've wiped the floor with them.

Interestingly, Hofmann wasn't even Miss Austria 2013, she was the runner-up. But there doesn't appear to be any scandal, it looks like the winner, Ena Kadic, had scheduling conflicts that prevented her from competing (if I'm correctly interpreting the Google translation of this page).

I'm glad there was finally a Hofmann-Trump connection, because my fantasies about meeting and wooing Ivanka will likely never come to pass. Congrats to Doris Hofmann--you may not be Miss Universe (or Miss Congeniality, or Miss Photogenic, or...), but you're my Miss November, and my Miss December. And I mean that in the classiest way possible.