This Sunday's Gospel Doctrine class covers the Book of Judges. There are some great, inspiring stories and characters in the book, like Gideon and Deborah (a female prophet who was friends with a guy named Barak; feel free to consult this post from a few weeks ago for some Obama jokes to either use or brace yourself for, and definitely get ready for at least one derogatory comment about "liberals").
But it's also arguably the book with the highest page-for-page ratio of brutal acts and shocking behavior, and that's really saying something with the Old Testament. The list includes but is not limited to:
--Jael pounding a tent stake through a guy's head, "and fastened it into the ground" (Judg. 4:21)
--Jephthah sacrificing his daughter in order to keep a silly vow he had made (see Judg.11)
--Samson slaying thousands of Philistines single-handedly, including a thousand in one battle using only the jawbone of an ass (see Judg. 14-16)
--a sad, bizarre narrative where the rape and mutilation of a concubine leads to the near-extinction of the tribe of Benjamin (see Judg. 19-21)
--a wicked king so obese that, when a hero slays him with a knife, "the fat closed upon the blade...and the dirt came out" (Judg. 3:22); this one is so out there that the brutality becomes comical
It's not violent like the above examples, but perhaps the most surprising verse is the one in which the aforementioned Samson calls his new bride a cow, and not in a good Johnny Lingo kind of way. When she betrays Samson by revealing the answer to his riddle to their wedding guests, he says, "if ye had not plowed with with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle" (Judg. 14:18).
Ouch. For your enjoyment, here are some more Bible-based riddles. They're also cringe-worthy, but in a different way than Samson's diss.
Q: Who developed a potty mouth at a very early age?
A: Job--he cursed the day of his birth
Q: Who was the best doctor in the Bible?
A: Job--he had the most patience
Q: Which Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, the son of Nun (they're not ALL about Job)
Q: Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?
A: At the Transfiguration, Jesus said "tell the vision to no man" (Matt. 17:9). Thank goodness it's just a joke--So You Think You Can Dance returns tonight, and it would be terrible if watching Cat Deeley was considered a sin.
Q: What kind of car did the ancient apostles drive?
A: A Honda--they were all "with one Accord" (Acts 1:14, 2:1, etc.)
And, bringing us full circle...
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson--he brought the house down! (Of course, as referred to above, the one time Samson told a joke, he didn't like how his audience responded so he killed 30 people. I'd definitely laugh at his act.)
So study the Book of Judges, because if we all show up to Sunday School "with one accord" seeking to be taught by the spirit, then our testimonies will be strengthened. And that's no joke.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Saturday, May 24, 2014
The sincerest form of flattery
I follow the LDS Church's official Twitter account, and a few days ago they sent out this message: "Having a hard time with personal scripture study? Try thinking about the scriptures from a new perspective," and there was a link embedded at the end of the tweet.
Naturally, I assumed it was a link to my blog, since that is kind of the point of these Sunday School posts (which, for the last several months, have been the only posts I've put up). Alas, my egotism was misguided in this case; the link led to this video, which is pretty good and very worth watching, even though the portrayal of Moroni hypothetically being killed by Apocalypto Lamanites before successfully hiding the plates was admittedly a little strange.
Whether or not any curriculum developers within the Church are aware of my blog (I'm going to keep flattering myself that they are), there are some similarities in how we try to encourage members to prepare for Gospel Doctrine class each week. For example, in each of these posts, I link to the online student study guide material for the upcoming lesson. I don't actually look at the online version much, because I use a printed copy in my personal study. But I've recently noticed that the online guide includes links to additional resources--General Conference talks and videos and such. Sound familiar? I wonder where they got that idea?
Check out this week's lesson, which covers the book of Joshua. There are a number of helpful links in the right-hand column; I particularly recommend President Eyring's talk. (Interestingly, the actual online lesson material--the one for instructors--also includes additional resources, but they're different than the links in the study guide.)
Obviously, I need to keep up with the Joneses. So here are my supplementary videos for the book of Joshua. The most famous story in that book of scripture is the fall of the walls of Jericho. Naturally, I'm going to use that story as an excuse to show the man I rated as my favorite pro wrestler of the last 25 years, whose finishing move is called--you guessed it--the Walls of Jericho.
But there are other interesting stories in Joshua. Before sacking Jericho, the children of Israel had to cross the River Jordan. They did so in miraculous fashion--the water parted, just as Moses did with the Red Sea, helping everyone to know that, even though Moses was now gone, the Lord was still with them and Joshua was their new leader.
The next city attacked by Israel after Jericho was Ai, a much smaller town. Because of the wickedness of one man, what should have been an easy rout turned into an embarrassing defeat (see Joshua 7). You might be asking yourselves, "is there one video clip that perfectly encapsulates both 'crossing over Jordan' and getting embarrassed by a seemingly overmatched adversary named 'AI'?" Well, have I got an "Answer" for you...
Try thinking about the scriptures from a new perspective, indeed. See you in class.
Naturally, I assumed it was a link to my blog, since that is kind of the point of these Sunday School posts (which, for the last several months, have been the only posts I've put up). Alas, my egotism was misguided in this case; the link led to this video, which is pretty good and very worth watching, even though the portrayal of Moroni hypothetically being killed by Apocalypto Lamanites before successfully hiding the plates was admittedly a little strange.
Whether or not any curriculum developers within the Church are aware of my blog (I'm going to keep flattering myself that they are), there are some similarities in how we try to encourage members to prepare for Gospel Doctrine class each week. For example, in each of these posts, I link to the online student study guide material for the upcoming lesson. I don't actually look at the online version much, because I use a printed copy in my personal study. But I've recently noticed that the online guide includes links to additional resources--General Conference talks and videos and such. Sound familiar? I wonder where they got that idea?
Check out this week's lesson, which covers the book of Joshua. There are a number of helpful links in the right-hand column; I particularly recommend President Eyring's talk. (Interestingly, the actual online lesson material--the one for instructors--also includes additional resources, but they're different than the links in the study guide.)
Obviously, I need to keep up with the Joneses. So here are my supplementary videos for the book of Joshua. The most famous story in that book of scripture is the fall of the walls of Jericho. Naturally, I'm going to use that story as an excuse to show the man I rated as my favorite pro wrestler of the last 25 years, whose finishing move is called--you guessed it--the Walls of Jericho.
But there are other interesting stories in Joshua. Before sacking Jericho, the children of Israel had to cross the River Jordan. They did so in miraculous fashion--the water parted, just as Moses did with the Red Sea, helping everyone to know that, even though Moses was now gone, the Lord was still with them and Joshua was their new leader.
The next city attacked by Israel after Jericho was Ai, a much smaller town. Because of the wickedness of one man, what should have been an easy rout turned into an embarrassing defeat (see Joshua 7). You might be asking yourselves, "is there one video clip that perfectly encapsulates both 'crossing over Jordan' and getting embarrassed by a seemingly overmatched adversary named 'AI'?" Well, have I got an "Answer" for you...
Try thinking about the scriptures from a new perspective, indeed. See you in class.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
2nd Annual Apostolic Power Rankings
This week's Gospel Doctrine lesson covers a portion of Moses' final instructions to Israel, including his admonition to incorporate phylacteries and mezuzot as daily, physical reminders of their covenants. A modern-day equivalent could be the General Conference issue of the Ensign, the latest of which arrived in mailboxes this week. You know what that means...
...it's time to update the Apostolic Power Rankings!
(In case you don't know what that means, I've been tracking the stats since the LDS Church unveiled official Facebook pages for its 15 highest-ranking officers last June. My last update before today can be found here. They have Google+ pages too, but I ignore them just like I do everything else related to Google+. Within the past week, these prophets and apostles have begun to have a Twitter presence for the first time. More on that below.)
Just like last time, I recorded the number of Likes on each page an hour or so before the first General Conference session started. Between November 8, 2013 (the date of my last post), and April 5, 2014, President Eyring increased his Like total by 19.5%, by far the slowest growth rate. Most rates were in the 30s and 40s, but six saw increases above 60%, topped by Elder Scott at 72.1 and Elder Ballard at 71.3.
Also like last time, I've waited a few weeks to capture any post-Conference Like spike as people around the world receive and study the aforementioned magazine, or watch/read/listen to the talks online. Here are the new standings (of course, this is not an actual competition, just something I do for fun), with some commentary on the trends I find most interesting. Numbers are as of about 5:30 PM MT on May 6, 2014.
15. Neil L. Andersen: 50,531 Likes, gain of 6.2% since November 8
Along with Elder Oaks, I had assumed Elder Andersen's talk was the one most likely to generate a noticeable bump in these numbers, as they were the only two to directly address hot-button social issues, and as I've pointed out before, there is no Dislike feature on Facebook--yet. (Get on that, Zuckerberg!) But I was wrong--Elder Andersen had dropped from 13th last November to 15th by April, and he's still at the bottom of the list.
14. Quentin L. Cook: 54,258, 7%
Elder Cook has been in either 13th or 14th place every time I've recorded the numbers, the most consistent results outside of the top 2.
13. D. Todd Christofferson: 55,933, 6.7%
Before this week, any time (pre- or post-Conference) that I'd recorded the numbers, the only increase that measured lower than 10% was President Monson's 9.6 from October to November last year. This time around, 8 of 15 were at 10 or below. As the total number of Likes keeps increasing, it follows that passing that "tithing line" (copyright Jeff Hofmann 2014) will be harder and harder to do.
12. Boyd K. Packer: 59,710, 6.1%
President Packer's talk seemed a bit like a farewell testimony, like Bruce R. McConkie's in particular. I thought it might result in a large Like increase, but he had the third-lowest growth in the last month. I will be interested to see what the Church does with these social media pages when the apostle they represent passes away.
11. Henry B. Eyring: 66,837, 2.5%
President Eyring is in free fall, at least as far as the APR is concerned, dropping from 3rd to 4th to 7th to 11th since last October, with growth rates significantly lower than any of his brethren. I'm pretty sure I know the reason for this: his page is hard to find on Facebook. I have only to type "Hen" in the FB search box for his unofficial "author page" to be suggested, but even after typing out the full "Henry B. Eyring," I still have to click "Find all pages named Henry B Eyring" before I can get to the official page. This doesn't happen for any of the others, and I have no idea why Facebook hides him in this way.
10. Robert D. Hales: 68,587, 19.6%
Elder Hales' trajectory is the inverse of President Eyring's. After finding himself at the bottom since the inception of APR, Elder Hales shot up to 11th just before Conference, and continues to climb the charts.
9. Russell M. Nelson: 70,000, 11.2%
8. L. Tom Perry: 70,058, 11.1%
The Nelson-Perry pairing is the most fascinating thing I've observed as I've charted the progression of these numbers. I've now recorded numbers on five separate dates, and among those five the greatest margin between was 1.25%. The difference in total Likes started at 33, jumped up to a still-super-close 420, then the margin closed to 77, 65, and now 58. For every 1,200 or so Elder Perry fans, there's just one person who doesn't also Like Elder Nelson (statistically speaking).
7. David A. Bednar: 73,809, 10%
This is the first time Elder Bednar has ranked anywhere but 5th. His drop is due more to above-average increases by a few others rather than slippage on his own part--he experienced the 8th-best growth rate for the third straight measurement period. Elder Bednar is likely the most even-tempered, the least demonstrative, of all the Apostles, so I'm not surprised that his APR scores are so consistent.
6. M. Russell Ballard: 76,730, 22.1%
His Conference talk didn't stand out to me but his CES Fireside address last Sunday did, and with its focus on smart phones and social media and such I'm not surprised to see his Facebook numbers take a positive bump. However, his impact on the APR may be felt most dramatically six months from now--following the aforementioned Devotional, Elder Ballard sent the first official Apsotolic tweet.
Elder Holland has since followed suit, and all the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve seem to now have accounts (now you can literally follow the prophet!), though I'm not fully convinced that all of the accounts I'm seeing people follow are official. I will be tracking the apostolic presence on Twitter and will definitely say something about it in this space next time, though it's unclear at this point if Twitter will play a role in the APR.
5. Dallin H. Oaks: 80,855, 23.4%
I was wrong about Elder Andersen, but not about Elder Oaks. Here's an applicable copy-and-paste from my post six months ago: "At Conference, Elder Oaks gave the talk that people were most likely to take issue with (I do not take issue with it, for the record), but as I pointed out frequently in the last post, there's currently no 'Dislike' option on Facebook, so his steadiness on the list isn't surprising." I should clarify, because in a way I do take issue with the recent talk; I know that everything he said is true, but I do not think it actually addressed the concerns of the Ordain Women movement, which seemed to be the intent. Regardless, he's had the biggest growth sonce Conference, and moved up one spot overall after placing 6th on every previous measurement date.
4. Jeffrey R. Holland: 81,738, 5.5%
Dropped one spot after achieving the second-smallest growth rate. Not counting President Monson's traditional welcome address, Elder Holland was the first speaker at Conference, so maybe people forgot about him a bit by the next time they logged into the 'book. If this part of the list stays the same six months from now, I may not be able to help myself from making Holland-Oaks/Hall & Oates references.
3. Richard G. Scott: 81,955, 20.7%
The biggest surprise of the APR, particularly since Elder Scott is the only apostle in the top 9 that I would say doesn't have a cult of personality on some level (added the link because when the word "cult" is used in reference to Mormons in any way, there can be a lot of knee-jerk reactions). He had the highest growth rate from November to April and third-best since then, helping him rise from 7th to 3rd.
2. Dieter F. Uchtdorf: 100,581, 9.4%
1. Thomas S. Monson: 215,985, 17.2%
These two spots ain't changing, not for a long time. Their percentage-increase is generally middle-of-the-pack or worse, but that's just because everyone went out of their way to Like them as soon as they got the chance. The bottom four on this list have only about 5,000 more combined Likes than President Monson has on his own.
See you in six months for the next installment of the Apostolic Power Rankings. Until then, keep studying your Ensign!
...it's time to update the Apostolic Power Rankings!
(In case you don't know what that means, I've been tracking the stats since the LDS Church unveiled official Facebook pages for its 15 highest-ranking officers last June. My last update before today can be found here. They have Google+ pages too, but I ignore them just like I do everything else related to Google+. Within the past week, these prophets and apostles have begun to have a Twitter presence for the first time. More on that below.)
Just like last time, I recorded the number of Likes on each page an hour or so before the first General Conference session started. Between November 8, 2013 (the date of my last post), and April 5, 2014, President Eyring increased his Like total by 19.5%, by far the slowest growth rate. Most rates were in the 30s and 40s, but six saw increases above 60%, topped by Elder Scott at 72.1 and Elder Ballard at 71.3.
Also like last time, I've waited a few weeks to capture any post-Conference Like spike as people around the world receive and study the aforementioned magazine, or watch/read/listen to the talks online. Here are the new standings (of course, this is not an actual competition, just something I do for fun), with some commentary on the trends I find most interesting. Numbers are as of about 5:30 PM MT on May 6, 2014.
15. Neil L. Andersen: 50,531 Likes, gain of 6.2% since November 8
Along with Elder Oaks, I had assumed Elder Andersen's talk was the one most likely to generate a noticeable bump in these numbers, as they were the only two to directly address hot-button social issues, and as I've pointed out before, there is no Dislike feature on Facebook--yet. (Get on that, Zuckerberg!) But I was wrong--Elder Andersen had dropped from 13th last November to 15th by April, and he's still at the bottom of the list.
14. Quentin L. Cook: 54,258, 7%
Elder Cook has been in either 13th or 14th place every time I've recorded the numbers, the most consistent results outside of the top 2.
13. D. Todd Christofferson: 55,933, 6.7%
Before this week, any time (pre- or post-Conference) that I'd recorded the numbers, the only increase that measured lower than 10% was President Monson's 9.6 from October to November last year. This time around, 8 of 15 were at 10 or below. As the total number of Likes keeps increasing, it follows that passing that "tithing line" (copyright Jeff Hofmann 2014) will be harder and harder to do.
12. Boyd K. Packer: 59,710, 6.1%
President Packer's talk seemed a bit like a farewell testimony, like Bruce R. McConkie's in particular. I thought it might result in a large Like increase, but he had the third-lowest growth in the last month. I will be interested to see what the Church does with these social media pages when the apostle they represent passes away.
11. Henry B. Eyring: 66,837, 2.5%
President Eyring is in free fall, at least as far as the APR is concerned, dropping from 3rd to 4th to 7th to 11th since last October, with growth rates significantly lower than any of his brethren. I'm pretty sure I know the reason for this: his page is hard to find on Facebook. I have only to type "Hen" in the FB search box for his unofficial "author page" to be suggested, but even after typing out the full "Henry B. Eyring," I still have to click "Find all pages named Henry B Eyring" before I can get to the official page. This doesn't happen for any of the others, and I have no idea why Facebook hides him in this way.
10. Robert D. Hales: 68,587, 19.6%
Elder Hales' trajectory is the inverse of President Eyring's. After finding himself at the bottom since the inception of APR, Elder Hales shot up to 11th just before Conference, and continues to climb the charts.
9. Russell M. Nelson: 70,000, 11.2%
8. L. Tom Perry: 70,058, 11.1%
The Nelson-Perry pairing is the most fascinating thing I've observed as I've charted the progression of these numbers. I've now recorded numbers on five separate dates, and among those five the greatest margin between was 1.25%. The difference in total Likes started at 33, jumped up to a still-super-close 420, then the margin closed to 77, 65, and now 58. For every 1,200 or so Elder Perry fans, there's just one person who doesn't also Like Elder Nelson (statistically speaking).
7. David A. Bednar: 73,809, 10%
This is the first time Elder Bednar has ranked anywhere but 5th. His drop is due more to above-average increases by a few others rather than slippage on his own part--he experienced the 8th-best growth rate for the third straight measurement period. Elder Bednar is likely the most even-tempered, the least demonstrative, of all the Apostles, so I'm not surprised that his APR scores are so consistent.
6. M. Russell Ballard: 76,730, 22.1%
His Conference talk didn't stand out to me but his CES Fireside address last Sunday did, and with its focus on smart phones and social media and such I'm not surprised to see his Facebook numbers take a positive bump. However, his impact on the APR may be felt most dramatically six months from now--following the aforementioned Devotional, Elder Ballard sent the first official Apsotolic tweet.
Elder Holland has since followed suit, and all the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve seem to now have accounts (now you can literally follow the prophet!), though I'm not fully convinced that all of the accounts I'm seeing people follow are official. I will be tracking the apostolic presence on Twitter and will definitely say something about it in this space next time, though it's unclear at this point if Twitter will play a role in the APR.
5. Dallin H. Oaks: 80,855, 23.4%
I was wrong about Elder Andersen, but not about Elder Oaks. Here's an applicable copy-and-paste from my post six months ago: "At Conference, Elder Oaks gave the talk that people were most likely to take issue with (I do not take issue with it, for the record), but as I pointed out frequently in the last post, there's currently no 'Dislike' option on Facebook, so his steadiness on the list isn't surprising." I should clarify, because in a way I do take issue with the recent talk; I know that everything he said is true, but I do not think it actually addressed the concerns of the Ordain Women movement, which seemed to be the intent. Regardless, he's had the biggest growth sonce Conference, and moved up one spot overall after placing 6th on every previous measurement date.
4. Jeffrey R. Holland: 81,738, 5.5%
Dropped one spot after achieving the second-smallest growth rate. Not counting President Monson's traditional welcome address, Elder Holland was the first speaker at Conference, so maybe people forgot about him a bit by the next time they logged into the 'book. If this part of the list stays the same six months from now, I may not be able to help myself from making Holland-Oaks/Hall & Oates references.
3. Richard G. Scott: 81,955, 20.7%
The biggest surprise of the APR, particularly since Elder Scott is the only apostle in the top 9 that I would say doesn't have a cult of personality on some level (added the link because when the word "cult" is used in reference to Mormons in any way, there can be a lot of knee-jerk reactions). He had the highest growth rate from November to April and third-best since then, helping him rise from 7th to 3rd.
2. Dieter F. Uchtdorf: 100,581, 9.4%
1. Thomas S. Monson: 215,985, 17.2%
These two spots ain't changing, not for a long time. Their percentage-increase is generally middle-of-the-pack or worse, but that's just because everyone went out of their way to Like them as soon as they got the chance. The bottom four on this list have only about 5,000 more combined Likes than President Monson has on his own.
See you in six months for the next installment of the Apostolic Power Rankings. Until then, keep studying your Ensign!
Saturday, May 3, 2014
That'll do, donkey
If you've never read the Old Testament and are only familiar with the basics--David and Goliath, Jonah and the whale, Daniel in the lions' den, and the like--you may be surprised to hear that there's a story about a talking donkey. Seriously. As surprising as it is when the rogue prophet Balaam's donkey speaks, what's even more surprising is that Balaam does not seem to be surprised by it (see Num. 22:24-29).
This Sunday in Gospel Doctrine, we have what I'm unofficially calling "the talking donkey lesson." One of the talking points from the study guide says: "On his way to Moab, Balaam tried three times to force his donkey forward...in what way was this like Balaam's relationship with the Lord? What are some modern parallels of individuals and groups stubbornly trying to do what they want rather than submitting to God's will or to the righteous counsel of parents or leaders?"
No matter your feelings on the subject, I bet your first thought was, "somebody is definitely going to bring up Ordain Women." You can feel the awkwardness and thinly veiled hostility now, can't you? And you know that someone, somewhere, in some Sunday School class, will point out that the ass was a female (v. 28) and make a joke about OW supporters being "stubborn as a mule," overlooking the fact that it was Balaam and not the donkey that was stubbornly disobedient.
But let's not sell our Sunday School classmates short. Commenting on parallels to the OW movement is hardly the only way to make this lesson uncomfortable. Here are some more cringeworthy jokes you might hear this Sunday:
"Balaam and the donkey basically swap places in verse 30--the ass speaks, and Balaam says 'nay.'"
"Talking donkey? Was Balaam the inspiration for Shrek or something?" (And then they'll just keep making quips about waffles and parfaits. As annoying as that could get, it might be even more disconcerting if they started quoting Eeyore. That donkey is messed up.)
"So, there's a wicked ruler who didn't like Israel? And his name is 'Balak?' That's clearly a typo."
And once the Balak/Barack comparison gets made for the first time, it's bound to just snowball...
"A donkey that gives wise advice? So different than today's talking Donkeys. Friggin' Democrats."
"Balak/Barack takes Balaam to a mountaintop so he can curse Israel from above? It was the first-ever drone attack!"
"It says Balak/Barack was the son of Zippor (Num. 22:2)--but I thought Clinton was the only president who's Zippor-descended?"
Not gonna lie--that last one is one of my favorite puns I've ever made. If you think of your own jokes, please share them in the comments. I just added word verification, which I know is annoying, but I had received literally hundreds of spam comments in the past 72 hours. I'll change it back in a few weeks and hopefully the problem will be gone.
If you don't want to share your jokes in the comments but would rather make them in class, know that while you may get one groan-inducer in, chances are that when you try to get the teacher to call on you again it will look like this:
This Sunday in Gospel Doctrine, we have what I'm unofficially calling "the talking donkey lesson." One of the talking points from the study guide says: "On his way to Moab, Balaam tried three times to force his donkey forward...in what way was this like Balaam's relationship with the Lord? What are some modern parallels of individuals and groups stubbornly trying to do what they want rather than submitting to God's will or to the righteous counsel of parents or leaders?"
No matter your feelings on the subject, I bet your first thought was, "somebody is definitely going to bring up Ordain Women." You can feel the awkwardness and thinly veiled hostility now, can't you? And you know that someone, somewhere, in some Sunday School class, will point out that the ass was a female (v. 28) and make a joke about OW supporters being "stubborn as a mule," overlooking the fact that it was Balaam and not the donkey that was stubbornly disobedient.
But let's not sell our Sunday School classmates short. Commenting on parallels to the OW movement is hardly the only way to make this lesson uncomfortable. Here are some more cringeworthy jokes you might hear this Sunday:
"Balaam and the donkey basically swap places in verse 30--the ass speaks, and Balaam says 'nay.'"
"Talking donkey? Was Balaam the inspiration for Shrek or something?" (And then they'll just keep making quips about waffles and parfaits. As annoying as that could get, it might be even more disconcerting if they started quoting Eeyore. That donkey is messed up.)
"So, there's a wicked ruler who didn't like Israel? And his name is 'Balak?' That's clearly a typo."
And once the Balak/Barack comparison gets made for the first time, it's bound to just snowball...
"A donkey that gives wise advice? So different than today's talking Donkeys. Friggin' Democrats."
"Balak/Barack takes Balaam to a mountaintop so he can curse Israel from above? It was the first-ever drone attack!"
"It says Balak/Barack was the son of Zippor (Num. 22:2)--but I thought Clinton was the only president who's Zippor-descended?"
Not gonna lie--that last one is one of my favorite puns I've ever made. If you think of your own jokes, please share them in the comments. I just added word verification, which I know is annoying, but I had received literally hundreds of spam comments in the past 72 hours. I'll change it back in a few weeks and hopefully the problem will be gone.
If you don't want to share your jokes in the comments but would rather make them in class, know that while you may get one groan-inducer in, chances are that when you try to get the teacher to call on you again it will look like this:
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