The Great NYC Donut Tour of 2013

Last week was my fall break from the University of Utah. My only experience with post-secondary education before this year was at BYU, which crams too much into the school year to allow room for breaks. So I had already been anticipating the wonders of a spring break, but when I found out I got a fall break too, I almost didn't know what to do with myself.

But only almost. I hit up my favorite travel destination, New York City, for four days--my first visit in almost a year. The whole trip was great. I saw a lot of friends I hadn't seen for a while, including some who have moved to the city since I last saw them (hooray for the replenishing of my couchsurfing pool!), and met the new babies of my old roommate Ryan, and of David and Marlene McCune, who lived in Omaha the last time I took advantage of their hospitality.

I could write about these fun reunions, the great pizza and burgers I ate, the most expensive movie I've ever seen (Gravity, in IMAX, at NYC ticket prices), or even having to spend the night at JFK on the way home. And maybe I will, someday. But for this post, I'm going to focus on a surprising theme that emerged on my trip: I ate a lot of fancy donuts.

On Friday night I had plans to meet my friend Erin to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and eat pizza at Juliana's, which is basically the new Grimaldi's, by which I mean the old Grimaldi's, because there's a literal new Grimaldi's right next door. (Google it or ask me about it if you're interested in NYC pizza, it's an intriguing and delicious saga.) She suggested we get dessert first, because she wanted to introduce me to the donut ice cream sandwich at Holey Cream, a little shop in Hell's Kitchen.

They slice a donut in half, then add three scoops of ice cream. I got Milky Way, red velvet (on the clerk's recommendation), and, hiding behind them, oatmeal raisin. All were very good, but the oatmeal raisin was the best ice cream I've had in a long time--it was amazing. Then they ice the top donut half, and you choose a topping for them to dip it in. I got toasted coconut, and it was a winning choice. The creation tastes better than it looks--and admit it, it looks really good, doesn't it?

The next morning, I got up just after 4 AM so I could be in line for a cronut by 5:30 (the bakery doesn't open until 8:00). You may have heard about cronuts and their ridiculous popularity in New York. There are knockoffs sold at other bakeries, but I wanted the real deal. My friend Aja was already in line by the time I got there; in a strange coincidence, the guy next to us in line was a BYU student, in town for a job interview. We quickly made friends with the others around us in line (we were numbers 8 and 9, only 100 or so people get a cronut each morning before they sell out), and the time passed relatively quickly. Finally, the bakery opened, and we bought our treasures.

See, treasure! It even comes in a little gold carrying case. Many have asked if that is butter on top, but it was a banana chip. There's a different flavor every month; October's is caramel apple creme fraiche. I also got the "Perfect Little Egg Sandwich" you see in the background, though it's not actually that little. The brioche bun was delectable.

I was trying to capture the interior layers in this shot, but the picture in the link above does a much better job of that. The name implies that it's a combination croissant-donut, but to me it actually tasted like a reall fancy and delicious and cream-filled churro. I took the second cronut back to share with David and Marlene, and we warmed it up a bit first, even though the bakery advises against that due to the filling. But I think it improved it. In reality, no single food item is worth waiting in line three hours for, but it was very good, I had a lot of fun with Aja and our new acquaintances, and I'm glad I did it.

Later that day, we celebrated Marlene's birthday (a few days early) with a trip to Shake Shack, followed by dessert at Doughnut Plant. I was full of burgers and shakes, so I only got one--a coconut cream. There was a little too much cream for my taste, but the surrounding donut was one of the best I've ever had.

So there you have it. My NYC Donut Tour was over less than 24 hours after it began, but what a tour it was! I can't wait for my next trip--I hear I need to expand the tour to include The Donut Pub.

I don't expect to eat any donuts this weekend, but I do plan on attending Gospel Doctrine class. As noted in last week's post, we'll again be discussing family history work. When you think about it, the gospel is just like your traditional glazed donut--one eternal round. And what could be a better symbol of linking generations together into one great chain through temple and family history work, than the cruller? As the old hymn says, "sweet is the work!"

Reruns

I'm running a clip show for this week's BASOTRUSSL post. A few reasons for this:

1) I'm headed out of town tonight and won't be back until Sunday night; in the interim I won't be on the Internet much.

2) The topic of this week's Gospel Doctrine lesson is almost identical to next week's, so this will save me from having to come up with a second blog idea for this particular subject.

3) Halloween is nearly upon us, and these lessons deal with spirits, the dead rising, and other "supernatural" phenomena, so it's a good fit calendar-wise.

4) I'm very enamored of my own writing, so I like to revisit my old work from time to time and give new readers a chance to see it.

So instead of a new BASOTRUSSL, check out these old ones...

In a post from 2011 (which was actually a repurposing of a 2010 email, making this a copy of a copy, hopefully not with Multiplicity-like effects), I recalled Halloween '99 (copy of a copy of a copy?), when I gave a sacrament meeting talk on the holiday, comparing it to the Atonement.

Then last year, I made some even bigger stretches to relate Halloween to Christ's post-resurrection visit to the Americas. Check it out.

All righty then...back with new content next week. Hope your costumes are all coming along--only two weeks left until the big day!

Replenish and refill

Before I get to this week's BASOTRUSSL (Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson), a few notes about the last one (which was posted two weeks ago; there was no post last week due to General Conference--more on that in a minute).

In the section on George Albert Smith, I referred to the "You are late"/"But I am clean" story. My friend Petey pointed out that this is actually a Joseph F. Smith story; I was likely thinking of the "What have you done with my name?" story. The Joseph F. dream is better than the George Albert dream, though either way I don't think it would have impacted the rankings. But it's an embarrassing mistake. More on George Albert Smith later on as well.

In that post I also alluded to a negative experience I had with Joseph Fielding McConkie. I just found out that he passed away earlier this week, and now I feel guilty. Not like what I wrote contributed to his death or anything even close to that, but guilty of being negative. I didn't give any details and wasn't overly critical, but this was a situation where following the mantra "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" would have been better.Once again, more on this topic coming up later in the post.

Ok. On to this week's stuff.

In years like this one where we cover the Doctrine and Covenants in Gospel Doctrine, the curriculum also includes a small booklet called Our Heritage. Published in 1996, it's a brief overview of LDS history from the birth of Joseph Smith in 1805, through 1995. The book is just 146 pages; the first 65 cover the life of Joseph Smith and associated events, and another 26 are devoted to Brigham Young's term as church president (ending with his death in 1877). That leaves just 55 pages for the next 120-ish years of church history. Needless to say, no single topic or person from that time period is covered in extensive detail.

A portion of this quick historical summary is included with the assigned reading for this week's Sunday School lesson. Mentioned almost in passing is this about the aforementioned George Albert Smith, who had a long history of health problems: "The doctor's order of complete rest eroded his self-confidence, created feelings of worthlessness, and aggravated his tension" (p. 111).

I've likely read that sentence at least four times (once each in 2001, 2005, 2009, and 2013, as this lesson came up each time in the four-year cycle), but paid it little attention other than to think "George Albert Smith was sick a lot. That must have been hard."

The point was driven home much more forcefully in Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk at General Conference last week. In the first Conference talk (to my knowledge) to ever explicitly address and focus on mental illness, Elder Holland mentioned that "George Albert Smith...one of the most gentle and Christlike men of our dispensation...battled recurring depression for some years before later becoming the universally beloved eighth prophet and President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

I have fortunately never had to deal with depression of this sort, but I know people who are doing so or have in the past. I recommend the study of this sermon to everyone (and all of the other Conference talks; the text and video are already online. but read Elder Holland's first). It can provide encouragement to those who are struggling with this trial, showing through the example of George Albert Smith and others that it is possible to overcome and to thrive, and promising the blessings of the Lord to sustain you while you endure.

It also gives wise counsel for those of us who don't. Basically, it boils down to: Be kind. Don't judge. Listen. Offer help. Pray for them. Overall, just...be nice! It's what I should've done when writing that previous post. If you had to distill a take-home message from Elder Holland's talk down to just one sentence, you couldn't do better than these sage time-traveling poets:

Hoffmann of the Month: October

If you attended Fashion Week last month in New York City (what are you talking about, of course you did) and noticed a "gang of rainbow warriors" parading down the runway, that was the creation of Mara Hoffmann--October's "Hoffmann of the Month!"

Fashion designer Hoffman made the rainbow warrior reference in a backstage interview, where the diversity of her models was also noted. "The Sudanese girls are my muses," she said. "They rule my world." But apparently they don't rule the media's world, as the thumbnail above and the picture accompanying the article where I found these quotes feature blond, white women. Oh well.

I know practically nothing about fashion and even less about runway modeling, which I view as fake fashion (though Hoffman's designs admittedly seem much more like something people would actually wear in real life than most of what I've seen on TV), but apparently Hoffman was one of the (literal) bright spots of Fashion Week. Another writer described her collection as "a pick-me-up if ever there was one," "Technicolor tribal hippie chic on acid," and "a kaleidoscope of fun from a veritable patchouli Pucci." Well then.

The kaleidoscopic effect is certainly evident on Ms. Hoffman's official website. I'm not really in her target demographic, but if any of you buy any of her pieces and want to parade them in front of me, I'll applaud and take pictures.

Congratulations to Mara Hoffman, one of the most colorful Hoffmanns of the Month to date!

Latter-day prophet power rankings

Last week we had the annual Primary Program in sacrament meeting. It's one of my favorite days of the year; the kids alternate between enlightening you with their innocent and pure faith, or cracking you up with their zany personalities and off-key singing. Often they do all of that at once.

At one point they sang the "Latter-day Prophets" song. If you check out the copyright information, you'll see that this song was written in 1980, when Spencer W. Kimball was president of the LDS Church. I learned it as a child after it's first revision, when Ezra Taft Benson had succeeded President Kimball. As each aged prophet passed away and was replaced by a new one, the end of the song became more and more jumbled. This was the first time I heard the song since Thomas S. Monson replaced Gordon B. Hinckley in 2008, and unsurprisingly, the end of the song is a mess. The names are way too cramped. Someone needs to write a new song.

One interesting addition (I don't know if this is a Church-wide thing, or something created by my ward) is that each prophet has an accompanying sign. Some make sense, like miming rain falling for Lorenzo Snow or pointing to your watch for John Taylor. Some show a distinct lack of effort, like making an O for David O. McKay or shaking your own hand for George Albert Smith (because he was friendly, unlike all those other unfriendly prophets). And others are just plain weird, like milking an invisible cow for President Kimball.

With this on my mind, and with "living prophets" being the topic for this week's Gospel Doctrine class, and with General Conference just a week away, it's obviously time for the first-ever "Latter-day Prophet Power Rankings!" About three months ago I released my list of apostolic power rankings, and it was arguably my most influential post of all time--most comments I've ever received on a single post, faster to 200 views than any post, etc.

That post was built around the new, official Facebook pages for each member of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve. No such things exist (yet!) for the former prophets pictured above, though there are a bunch of unofficial pages with varying popularity--modest totals such as 198 "Likes" on one Wilford Woodruff page, to more popular pages (there's one with nearly 15 thousand for Ezra Taft Benson). Still, like the last post, I will give my projected order of most- to least-Liked theoretical pages, followed by the order I would Like them in. (Please keep in mind, I do love all of these men and testify they are true prophets of God. This is just for fun.)

PROJECTED ORDER

1. Gordon B. Hinckley: His own long tenure combined with serving as the First Counselor to two prophets with significant health problems made him the public face of the Church for about 25 years--a period of tremendous growth and media exposure (largely positive, too). As a result, before his death he was the only prophet known to a huge chunk of Church membership. There's no way he's not #1. Except...
2. Thomas S. Monson: ...I can definitely see President Monson taking the top imaginary spot within the next few years. He's been prominent nearly as long as Pres. Hinckley, and his "folksy" ways are certainly endearing.
3. Joseph Smith: "Brother Joseph" is the only non-living prophet that we consistently sing about, teach about, cite in our sermons and testimonies...I guess it's possible he could be the most Liked, but I still think it would be Pres. Hinckley.
4. Brigham Young: If there was an "Unlike" option Brigham would likely be the highest in that metric, thanks to University of Utah fans.
5. David O. McKay: He was the Gordon Hinckley of my parents' generation--he was an Apostle forever, then served as Prophet for a very long time, presiding over a period of exceptional growth, due in part to his "every member a missionary mantra. Like Hinckley, he was the only prophet known to half the Church at the time of his death.
6. Spencer W. Kimball: Health problems, The Miracle of Forgiveness, the Yoda connection...lots of talking points to help people remember him.
7. Ezra Taft Benson: Among ultra-conservative "Marmons" (as President Benson would say it), he's probably admired at least as much for his role in and views on government as he is for his ministry.
8. Heber J. Grant: The man who taught himself to excel at penmanship baseball, and singing; who turned the Word of Wisdom from a suggestion to a commandment; and who reined in the long bushiness of church leaders' beards.
9. Lorenzo Snow: Gets a bump from being the focus of this year's Priesthood/Relief Society manual. He may have slotted in a little lower last year.
10: Howard W. Hunter: He had the shortest tenure of any Church president, but since that tenure was relatively recent he'd get more Likes than some others.
11. Joseph F. Smith: The song says "remember the F," and I think that does actually help people remember him a little better than some of his predecessors.
12. John Taylor: His presence at Joseph Smith's martyrdom makes him slightly more prominent than President Woodruff.
13. Wilford Woodruff: If they ever remake Mountain of the Lord, he'll shoot way up the list.
14. Harold B. Lee: These bottom three are fairly nondescript, at least to my generation. They all had short or shortish tenures, before we were born, that featured few if any significant changes or milestones. President Lee rises above the others based on the name recognition the campus library has given him among BYU alumni.
15. George Albert Smith: Fun fact--if a Church authority goes by their full middle name, that means there was an earlier Apostle of the same name. Inspired nepotism is a hallmark of the true church going back to Adam.
16. Joseph Fielding Smith: See? It's interesting that Hyrum Smith had a grandson who died in 1972, but that fact won't earn the last President Smith a ton of Likes on its own.

MY ORDER

1. Gordon B. Hinckley: As noted above, Pres. Hinckley was "my" prophet. He was always there, always so likable and funny--though not as funny as the laughs he got would indicate. Depending on how egregious the unwarranted laughter is at this General Conference, I may end up writing a whole post on this topic.
2. Joseph Smith: Just so much to admire.
3. Thomas S. Monson: Again, he's in a good position to move even higher over the next few years.
4. Spencer W. Kimball: Okay, Pres. Kimball was the first I would've described as "my" prophet. When I was very young, the chorister in my ward was an elderly gentleman. One Sunday we were both retrieving our coats at the same time after the meeting, and I said "See you later, President Kimball!" Because OF COURSE the entire LDS Church attended the same ward. A worldwide membership was beyond my 4-year-old comprehension. As was a quote comparing kisses to pretzels, but now that has certainly helped him garner a high ranking on my list.
5. Ezra Taft Benson: Love the landmark talks on pride and on the Book of Mormon, and as noted I REALLY love the way he talked, which lives on today in Elder L. Tom Perry.
6. Brigham Young: His namesake university is #1, but the man himself doesn't quite place that high.
7. Wilford Woodruff: The biggest variation between the two lists. I do love Mountain of the Lord, and appreciate his role in the end of institutional polygamy.
8. David O. McKay: Pro: he dressed a little like Col. Sanders without the beard and glasses. Dig the white suit. Cons: The "what e'er thou art, act well thy part" story used to belong to my mission, to Scotland. Now it's been co-opted by the whole church, and that bothers me. I'm like a fan of an "indie" band that made it big.
9. Heber J. Grant: Gains bonus points from appearing in J. Golden Kimball stories.
10. Joseph F. Smith: Wow, there's a high concentration of Smiths at the bottom of my rankings (though again, keep in mind that I really like all of these men).
11. John Taylor: In the song, John Taylor came third. (We know!) But not on these lists.
12. George Albert Smith: My affinity for saying "but I am clean" when someone comments on someone else's lateness gives George Albert Smith a bump on my list compared to the overall list, but only a slight bump.
13. Lorenzo Snow: Speaking of the Lorenzo Snow manual...in the next lesson there's a quote from him that goes "Do not joke too much...the Spirit tends to freedom and jollity, but don't be too jollified." I don't think President Snow would enjoy this post, but I sure do enjoy the word "jollified."
14. Howard W. Hunter: I actually liked looking up cases in the Hunter Law Library at BYU for my Comms Law class...
15. Harold B. Lee: ...but I avoided the Lee Library as much as I possibly could.
16: Joseph Fielding Smith: Once, while working on a project for BYU Broadcasting, Joseph Fielding McConkie rubbed me the wrong way. But I promise that did not affect the placement of his grandfather and namesake. I just have had very little interaction with the life and teachings of the tenth president of the Church.

It seems inevitable that I will do one of these for Old Testament and Book of Mormon prophets in the future, so watch out for those! And let me know in the comments how you'd adjust my rankings.

Start spreadin' the news

[After a week off, the BASOTRUSSL is back and--if not better than ever--at least as good as it is most weeks. This week's Gospel Doctrine lesson covers some of the events from the first 30-plus years after the Saints arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. Since a big chunk of that involved sending missionaries all over the world, and since it's only about a fortnight until my parents leave on their mission, it seems like a good time to revisit the journals of the first church member-slash-missionary-slash-member missionary in my bloodline, my Great-grandpa Hofmann (GGP for short). Today's excerpts focus on his first mission. Previous posts drawing from GGP's diary can be found here and here.]

Not long after GGP's baptism, he was living in Samaden, Switzerland, and attending church meetings in nearby Pontrosina. The visiting President mentioned below is likely a District President, though the diary does not specify.

President Hyrum W. Valentine and his wife came to see us...[he] asked me the question, "When the Lord would want you on a mission, would you go?" I told him when the hospital is finished [GGP's architectural endeavor at that time] I plan to go to Zion. I have the money and clothes and all that I need. [At this time many if not most LDS converts hoped to move to Utah as soon as they could.] He answered and said again, "Would you go on a mission when called by the Lord or His servant?" I answered, yes, I would. He told me that the money and clothes, etc., I could use on a mission as well as for going to America.

As we were finishing the hospital building, wealthy men came to me and told me they intend to build and had chosen me to do the architectural work for them. But I kept my promise to the Lord to go on a mission to Germany, the land where I was born...the following day I left for my mission in the Hannover District...

On the way to Hannover I visited very briefly with my parents, brothers and sister, and found my mother was in much better health than when I saw her the last time I was home for her "funeral service."

As I arrived in Hannover, [District President Joseph] Anderson was in prison for preaching the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. A few days later he was released and went with me to Braunschweig, where I was assigned to labor with Elder Ben. Pierce of Provo, who had been there for a short time.

President Anderson went with me from door to door to show me how they do tracting. As we went to the meeting house in Braunschweig, we saw that we were watched by plain clothesmen. They first contacted President Joseph Anderson, but he directed them to me as an LDS missionary who had picked him up in his tracting services. As they tried to arrest me, Joseph Anderson disappeared and was no more to be found. They asked me for his address in Braunschweig, but I told them I do not know his address as we had not yet baptized him. They took me to police headquarters, but they could not put me in prison as, at that time, I was a German citizen who had his citizen papers in best order. My military papers, too, were in order. Nearly every day when I went tracting I was arrested one or two times, taken to police headquarters and set free as I had transgressed no law. My companion, however, had to avoid to be arrested as a foreigner proselyting the Gospel in Germany. If they could have arrested him, he would have been put in prison for a while. With the help of the Lord he escaped each time. He even could outrun dogs when they were sent after him. He had to rent and live in a room without registering; if he had registered, he could not have lived in Braunschweig.

At the end of July 1914, a great district conference was held in Hannover under the leadership of Elder Hyrum M. Smith of the Quorum of the Twelve, then President of the European Mission. He told us what would happen in the near future, that [the branches and districts] would be reorganized with local brethren as the leaders, that the local brethren and sisters should have the opportunity and experience in leadership. Had his advice been followed, much confusion could have been avoided as the elders were called home only two or three weeks later.

August 1, 1914 Germany declared war on Russia...in those days missionary work among the people was nearly impossible as the people thought and spoke only of war.

Once while tracting in Scotland, I had water dumped on me from a second-story window. But that was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I definitely didn't have to worry about getting arrested every day, or being chased by dogs...I'd love to read this Ben Pierce's diary as well. There's more to share about my ancestor's missionary efforts, and about his experiences in the first World War, but I'll save that for future posts. Isn't GGP Hofmann amazing?

Hat-fields and McCoys

[I didn't get a blog post up last week. School and homework are sucking up more of my free time than I anticipated, and I'm still working on recalibrating how I spend my time to make sure blogging doesn't fall by the wayside. To make up for my slacking, and in anticipation of this weekend's "Holy War" matchup (last one for a few years--you'd better win it, Cougars!), here's a piece I wrote for my creative writing class. The assignment was to write about someone rebelling against something. I'm still a newbie when it comes to fiction writing, and the ending is a little sloppy because I ran out of time and had to get it turned in, but the story is certainly not without it's merits.]

            Josh walked past the storefront for the third time, still unable to actually cross the threshold. He found a nearby bench and sat down, hoping to steel his resolve by the time he had finished his Orange Julius.

            It shouldn’t be this hard, he thought. It’s just a hat. People buy hats at the mall every day—this shouldn’t be the scary part. No, the scary part would be the reactions of his father and brothers when they learned Josh had brought a BYU hat into their home.

            The four oldest men in the Bateman home were obsessed with University of Utah sports, especially the football and basketball teams. Josh’s father was always going on about Mike McCoy, Scott Mitchell, and Keith Van Horn; his three older brothers spoke of Alex Smith, Andrew Bogut, and Eric Weddle in reverential tones.

            Josh didn’t know whether these people played basketball or football; in fact, he cared little for sports at all. He’d join his family in front of the TV on Saturday afternoons and pretend to be interested in the football games, but he’d usually find an excuse to leave the room before halftime.

            Coming out as a BYU fan could cause a lot of problems for Josh at home. He wasn’t too worried about his brothers—they already teased and tormented him pretty consistently, this would just be something new for them to give him a hard time about. His dad was a different story.

            Josh’s two oldest brothers were now in college, living on their own. They were close by and still came over a lot, but it wasn’t the same—Josh’s father clearly missed them terribly. And the third son was a senior in high school, just one year away from heading off to college himself. Soon Josh would be the only child left at home, and Mr. Bateman wasn’t shy about letting everyone know how much less enjoyable game days would be if it was just the two of them watching. And this was just how Josh’s dad reacted to his youngest son being ambivalent about sports. Who knows how sad or mad (or both) he would get if he learned Josh was siding with the enemy?

            But Josh was determined to buy the hat anyway. It was the best way he could think of to get close to Whitney.

            He had first seen Whitney two weeks ago, on their first day of high school. She had come from the other junior high that fed into the school. They had four classes together, and even sat next to each other in 3^rd period English. Josh may not have liked sports, but he loved assigned seating!

            The school year was still young, and at this point Josh only knew a few things about Whitney: she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, and she was a HUGE BYU fan.

            He also knew that the big BYU-Utah football game was coming up soon. It was impossible to ignore—his dad talked about little else at home, and Whitney and many of their other classmates were also getting worked up about it.

            Josh would watch the big game with Whitney. It was his self-appointed destiny. But he needed to pass himself off as a fellow Cougar fan first. He needed that hat.

            He took a final sip of his smoothie and tossed the cup in the trash. He willed himself to stand up, and walked quickly into Fanzz before he could lose his nerve again. Fanzz. What a ridiculous name. It sounded like something you would call an imitation sports fan. Josh instantly realized that’s exactly what he was, and a grin spread across his face. A store employee asked if he could help him find anything.

            “Just looking,” Josh said, doing his best to avoid making eye contact.

            But he wasn’t just looking. Josh knew exactly what he wanted. He had spent an hour the night before Googling information on hat sizes, and another 30 minutes on the Fanzz site picking the style from among the 30-plus options that would make him look most like a long-time fan. He found his chosen hat and was relieved to see they had it in size 6 7/8. He carried his new headgear to the register and paid for it with money left over from his birthday in July. He thanked the clerk and walked back out to his bench. Josh had been in Fanzz a grand total of 4 minutes.

            He had done it. For better or worse, he had done it. He removed the cap from the shopping bag and examined it.

            “Nice hat, Josh,” a passerby said.

            It was Erika, another girl with whom Josh had several classes. She was also a friend of Whitney’s—he had seen them eating lunch together. His plan was off to a great start.

            “Thanks!” Josh called after her. As he began walking in the opposite direction, he pulled the cap over his head for the first time. It was too tight. Why didn’t he just buy a t-shirt?