Latter-day prophet power rankings

Last week we had the annual Primary Program in sacrament meeting. It's one of my favorite days of the year; the kids alternate between enlightening you with their innocent and pure faith, or cracking you up with their zany personalities and off-key singing. Often they do all of that at once.

At one point they sang the "Latter-day Prophets" song. If you check out the copyright information, you'll see that this song was written in 1980, when Spencer W. Kimball was president of the LDS Church. I learned it as a child after it's first revision, when Ezra Taft Benson had succeeded President Kimball. As each aged prophet passed away and was replaced by a new one, the end of the song became more and more jumbled. This was the first time I heard the song since Thomas S. Monson replaced Gordon B. Hinckley in 2008, and unsurprisingly, the end of the song is a mess. The names are way too cramped. Someone needs to write a new song.

One interesting addition (I don't know if this is a Church-wide thing, or something created by my ward) is that each prophet has an accompanying sign. Some make sense, like miming rain falling for Lorenzo Snow or pointing to your watch for John Taylor. Some show a distinct lack of effort, like making an O for David O. McKay or shaking your own hand for George Albert Smith (because he was friendly, unlike all those other unfriendly prophets). And others are just plain weird, like milking an invisible cow for President Kimball.

With this on my mind, and with "living prophets" being the topic for this week's Gospel Doctrine class, and with General Conference just a week away, it's obviously time for the first-ever "Latter-day Prophet Power Rankings!" About three months ago I released my list of apostolic power rankings, and it was arguably my most influential post of all time--most comments I've ever received on a single post, faster to 200 views than any post, etc.

That post was built around the new, official Facebook pages for each member of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve. No such things exist (yet!) for the former prophets pictured above, though there are a bunch of unofficial pages with varying popularity--modest totals such as 198 "Likes" on one Wilford Woodruff page, to more popular pages (there's one with nearly 15 thousand for Ezra Taft Benson). Still, like the last post, I will give my projected order of most- to least-Liked theoretical pages, followed by the order I would Like them in. (Please keep in mind, I do love all of these men and testify they are true prophets of God. This is just for fun.)

PROJECTED ORDER

1. Gordon B. Hinckley: His own long tenure combined with serving as the First Counselor to two prophets with significant health problems made him the public face of the Church for about 25 years--a period of tremendous growth and media exposure (largely positive, too). As a result, before his death he was the only prophet known to a huge chunk of Church membership. There's no way he's not #1. Except...
2. Thomas S. Monson: ...I can definitely see President Monson taking the top imaginary spot within the next few years. He's been prominent nearly as long as Pres. Hinckley, and his "folksy" ways are certainly endearing.
3. Joseph Smith: "Brother Joseph" is the only non-living prophet that we consistently sing about, teach about, cite in our sermons and testimonies...I guess it's possible he could be the most Liked, but I still think it would be Pres. Hinckley.
4. Brigham Young: If there was an "Unlike" option Brigham would likely be the highest in that metric, thanks to University of Utah fans.
5. David O. McKay: He was the Gordon Hinckley of my parents' generation--he was an Apostle forever, then served as Prophet for a very long time, presiding over a period of exceptional growth, due in part to his "every member a missionary mantra. Like Hinckley, he was the only prophet known to half the Church at the time of his death.
6. Spencer W. Kimball: Health problems, The Miracle of Forgiveness, the Yoda connection...lots of talking points to help people remember him.
7. Ezra Taft Benson: Among ultra-conservative "Marmons" (as President Benson would say it), he's probably admired at least as much for his role in and views on government as he is for his ministry.
8. Heber J. Grant: The man who taught himself to excel at penmanship baseball, and singing; who turned the Word of Wisdom from a suggestion to a commandment; and who reined in the long bushiness of church leaders' beards.
9. Lorenzo Snow: Gets a bump from being the focus of this year's Priesthood/Relief Society manual. He may have slotted in a little lower last year.
10: Howard W. Hunter: He had the shortest tenure of any Church president, but since that tenure was relatively recent he'd get more Likes than some others.
11. Joseph F. Smith: The song says "remember the F," and I think that does actually help people remember him a little better than some of his predecessors.
12. John Taylor: His presence at Joseph Smith's martyrdom makes him slightly more prominent than President Woodruff.
13. Wilford Woodruff: If they ever remake Mountain of the Lord, he'll shoot way up the list.
14. Harold B. Lee: These bottom three are fairly nondescript, at least to my generation. They all had short or shortish tenures, before we were born, that featured few if any significant changes or milestones. President Lee rises above the others based on the name recognition the campus library has given him among BYU alumni.
15. George Albert Smith: Fun fact--if a Church authority goes by their full middle name, that means there was an earlier Apostle of the same name. Inspired nepotism is a hallmark of the true church going back to Adam.
16. Joseph Fielding Smith: See? It's interesting that Hyrum Smith had a grandson who died in 1972, but that fact won't earn the last President Smith a ton of Likes on its own.

MY ORDER

1. Gordon B. Hinckley: As noted above, Pres. Hinckley was "my" prophet. He was always there, always so likable and funny--though not as funny as the laughs he got would indicate. Depending on how egregious the unwarranted laughter is at this General Conference, I may end up writing a whole post on this topic.
2. Joseph Smith: Just so much to admire.
3. Thomas S. Monson: Again, he's in a good position to move even higher over the next few years.
4. Spencer W. Kimball: Okay, Pres. Kimball was the first I would've described as "my" prophet. When I was very young, the chorister in my ward was an elderly gentleman. One Sunday we were both retrieving our coats at the same time after the meeting, and I said "See you later, President Kimball!" Because OF COURSE the entire LDS Church attended the same ward. A worldwide membership was beyond my 4-year-old comprehension. As was a quote comparing kisses to pretzels, but now that has certainly helped him garner a high ranking on my list.
5. Ezra Taft Benson: Love the landmark talks on pride and on the Book of Mormon, and as noted I REALLY love the way he talked, which lives on today in Elder L. Tom Perry.
6. Brigham Young: His namesake university is #1, but the man himself doesn't quite place that high.
7. Wilford Woodruff: The biggest variation between the two lists. I do love Mountain of the Lord, and appreciate his role in the end of institutional polygamy.
8. David O. McKay: Pro: he dressed a little like Col. Sanders without the beard and glasses. Dig the white suit. Cons: The "what e'er thou art, act well thy part" story used to belong to my mission, to Scotland. Now it's been co-opted by the whole church, and that bothers me. I'm like a fan of an "indie" band that made it big.
9. Heber J. Grant: Gains bonus points from appearing in J. Golden Kimball stories.
10. Joseph F. Smith: Wow, there's a high concentration of Smiths at the bottom of my rankings (though again, keep in mind that I really like all of these men).
11. John Taylor: In the song, John Taylor came third. (We know!) But not on these lists.
12. George Albert Smith: My affinity for saying "but I am clean" when someone comments on someone else's lateness gives George Albert Smith a bump on my list compared to the overall list, but only a slight bump.
13. Lorenzo Snow: Speaking of the Lorenzo Snow manual...in the next lesson there's a quote from him that goes "Do not joke too much...the Spirit tends to freedom and jollity, but don't be too jollified." I don't think President Snow would enjoy this post, but I sure do enjoy the word "jollified."
14. Howard W. Hunter: I actually liked looking up cases in the Hunter Law Library at BYU for my Comms Law class...
15. Harold B. Lee: ...but I avoided the Lee Library as much as I possibly could.
16: Joseph Fielding Smith: Once, while working on a project for BYU Broadcasting, Joseph Fielding McConkie rubbed me the wrong way. But I promise that did not affect the placement of his grandfather and namesake. I just have had very little interaction with the life and teachings of the tenth president of the Church.

It seems inevitable that I will do one of these for Old Testament and Book of Mormon prophets in the future, so watch out for those! And let me know in the comments how you'd adjust my rankings.