There's an urban legend about two missionaries who were teaching the discussions to a woman. She responded well to the teachings, but was hesitant to commit to baptism. One day the missionaries stopped by, but the woman wasn't home. They left her a note that said, "Sorry we missed you. We hope you're still thinking and praying about being baptized. We know it's a big decision. We invite you to read 1 Nephi 3:7-8; we think after you read it, you'll know what to do."
As most devout Mormons know, that passage in 1 Nephi teaches that God will not give us a commandment without making it possible for us to keep it. Surely, the missionaries thought, these verses would provide their investigator with the encouragement, the faith, and the determination she needed to accept this major commitment.
They returned to the woman's home the next day. Before they could ring the bell, they were stunned to find the woman's copy of The Book of Mormon hanging from the door in a plastic bag. They rang the doorbell, knocked, even called her, but got no answer. Devastated, they took the bag and slumped away.
When the missionaries returned home that evening, they took the book out of the bag to place it with the other copies they hoped to give away to potential converts. One noticed the note they had written the previous day sticking out of it. The missionary opened to the page the note was marking, and saw that it was 3 Nephi, chapter 3. Their investigator had read the wrong passage!
As the companionship read verses 7 and 8 of chapter 3, they began to chuckle as the reason for their former friend's change of heart became clear. They had promised their suggested passage would help her know whether she should be baptized and join the church, and this is what she read:
Or in other words, yield yourselves up unto us, and unite with us and become acquainted with our secret works, and become our brethren that ye may be like unto us--not our slaves, but our brethren and partners of all our substance.
And behold, I swear unto you, if ye will do this, with an oath, ye shall not be destroyed; but if ye will not do this, I swear unto you with an oath, that on the morrow month I will command that my armies shall come down against you, and they shall not stay their hand and shall spare not, but shall slay you, and shall let fall the sword upon you even until ye shall become extinct. (3 Ne. 3:7-8)And we wonder why people think we're a cult! (If you're unfamiliar, these verses are part of a letter sent by the leader of a band of robbers who wanted to destroy the church and dominate their society.)
Speaking of letting fall the sword...this week in Sunday School we're covering the rest of the "war chapters" in Alma. You'll get to read about some of the Nephite captains oozing in the wilderness (see Alma 58:16-17). All right, I promise, no more twisting of the scriptures for humorous purposes (for this week at least). You'll also read about more important things, like the 2,000 stripling warriors and their awesome moms. And when you listen to your mom, you really DO get advice that will help you make tough decisions.
Sometimes I wish urban legends were true but then what would we speculate about and pass on as false doctrine if they were? I mean Saturday's Warrior in and of itself perpetuates more false doctrine and urban legend in two hours than has been shared in a decade of over zealous Sunday School teachers.
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