The college football season is now underway, and I'm working on some other blog posts, so this is going to be short. You'll have to get ready for this week's Gospel Doctrine lesson without much guidance from me.
But since I have football on the brain, I'll quickly point out a few instances from this scripture block that proves the Utes and their fans are evil:
--Those with crimson on their clothing are proved to be guilty of terrible crimes (see Hel. 9:29-34)
--The devil is known to have conspired with former U of U quarterbacks (see Hel. 6:27)
--Ok, that last verse might have actually been referring to someone else. But what if it wasn't?
--The people become so wicked that consistent conflict (the Holy War) is replaced by famine (see Hel. 11)
Go Cougars!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Don't act so surprised
I have high hopes that someday I will resume posting other stuff on this blog besides the Hoffmann of the Month and the weekly Sunday School update. Today is not that day. Here's this week's BASOTRUSSL. In case you forgot, that's Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson.
Except this week, it's not so tangential. After corrupting your views of certain scripture passages the last few weeks by detailing my deliberate misreadings, I figured I'd go legit this time. In this week's Sunday School lesson, we cover the verses from which I made arguably my favorite scriptural insight that wasn't prompted by a question or comment from a teacher, manual, General Conference talk, mission companion, etc.
In the opening chapters of the Book of Helaman, there is great upheaval in the church and in the government, due to ongoing wars with the Lamanites, the rise of the Gadianton robbers, and the general tendency of the people to forget their God.
But as the wars come to an end and the robbers go into hiding, peace is established, and many are drawn to the church, in part because they notice the great prosperity of church members. Actually, "many" is kind of an understatement--"tens of thousands" are baptized over a period of just a couple of years (see Hel. 3:24-26). The church's growth is so staggering "that even the high priests and the teachers were themselves astonished beyond measure" (Hel. 3:25).
It's very interesting to me that the leaders of the church were surprised by the growth of the church. If anyone should've known that "the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name" (Hel. 3:27), if anyone should've known "that the gate of heaven is open unto all...who will believe on the name of Jesus Christ" (Hel. 3:28), it should've been them.
I know that those things are true. I know that the Lord always keeps his promises. And a big reason for this knowledge is that I regularly read the scriptures, which are full of accounts of and testimonies from people who were blessed because they exercised faith in God and obeyed His commandments.
If I were to break down my reason for doing these BASOTRUSSL posts, it would probably be something like Ensuring I'm Writing On A Consistent Basis (10%), Drawing Attention To Myself (40%), and Promoting Regular Scripture Study (50%). I've had times in my life when I've struggled with most of the "routine" things Mormons are encouraged to do (pray, pay tithing, regular temple attendance, etc.), but thankfully reading the scriptures has not been one of them. It's probably the biggest single reason for my testimony and my commitment to Christ and His church being as strong as it is (though I hope to make both much, much stronger). When you read these posts, I hope you notice when I make a clever comment or chuckle when I make a good joke, but mostly I hope they encourage you to read the scriptures more often. You may be "astonished beyond measure" at how much it blesses your life.
Except this week, it's not so tangential. After corrupting your views of certain scripture passages the last few weeks by detailing my deliberate misreadings, I figured I'd go legit this time. In this week's Sunday School lesson, we cover the verses from which I made arguably my favorite scriptural insight that wasn't prompted by a question or comment from a teacher, manual, General Conference talk, mission companion, etc.
In the opening chapters of the Book of Helaman, there is great upheaval in the church and in the government, due to ongoing wars with the Lamanites, the rise of the Gadianton robbers, and the general tendency of the people to forget their God.
But as the wars come to an end and the robbers go into hiding, peace is established, and many are drawn to the church, in part because they notice the great prosperity of church members. Actually, "many" is kind of an understatement--"tens of thousands" are baptized over a period of just a couple of years (see Hel. 3:24-26). The church's growth is so staggering "that even the high priests and the teachers were themselves astonished beyond measure" (Hel. 3:25).
It's very interesting to me that the leaders of the church were surprised by the growth of the church. If anyone should've known that "the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name" (Hel. 3:27), if anyone should've known "that the gate of heaven is open unto all...who will believe on the name of Jesus Christ" (Hel. 3:28), it should've been them.
I know that those things are true. I know that the Lord always keeps his promises. And a big reason for this knowledge is that I regularly read the scriptures, which are full of accounts of and testimonies from people who were blessed because they exercised faith in God and obeyed His commandments.
If I were to break down my reason for doing these BASOTRUSSL posts, it would probably be something like Ensuring I'm Writing On A Consistent Basis (10%), Drawing Attention To Myself (40%), and Promoting Regular Scripture Study (50%). I've had times in my life when I've struggled with most of the "routine" things Mormons are encouraged to do (pray, pay tithing, regular temple attendance, etc.), but thankfully reading the scriptures has not been one of them. It's probably the biggest single reason for my testimony and my commitment to Christ and His church being as strong as it is (though I hope to make both much, much stronger). When you read these posts, I hope you notice when I make a clever comment or chuckle when I make a good joke, but mostly I hope they encourage you to read the scriptures more often. You may be "astonished beyond measure" at how much it blesses your life.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
A whole new meaning, part 2
I got a good response to my last post, so I'll ruin one more Book of Mormon passage for you by giving it a funny twist.
There's an urban legend about two missionaries who were teaching the discussions to a woman. She responded well to the teachings, but was hesitant to commit to baptism. One day the missionaries stopped by, but the woman wasn't home. They left her a note that said, "Sorry we missed you. We hope you're still thinking and praying about being baptized. We know it's a big decision. We invite you to read 1 Nephi 3:7-8; we think after you read it, you'll know what to do."
As most devout Mormons know, that passage in 1 Nephi teaches that God will not give us a commandment without making it possible for us to keep it. Surely, the missionaries thought, these verses would provide their investigator with the encouragement, the faith, and the determination she needed to accept this major commitment.
They returned to the woman's home the next day. Before they could ring the bell, they were stunned to find the woman's copy of The Book of Mormon hanging from the door in a plastic bag. They rang the doorbell, knocked, even called her, but got no answer. Devastated, they took the bag and slumped away.
When the missionaries returned home that evening, they took the book out of the bag to place it with the other copies they hoped to give away to potential converts. One noticed the note they had written the previous day sticking out of it. The missionary opened to the page the note was marking, and saw that it was 3 Nephi, chapter 3. Their investigator had read the wrong passage!
As the companionship read verses 7 and 8 of chapter 3, they began to chuckle as the reason for their former friend's change of heart became clear. They had promised their suggested passage would help her know whether she should be baptized and join the church, and this is what she read:
Speaking of letting fall the sword...this week in Sunday School we're covering the rest of the "war chapters" in Alma. You'll get to read about some of the Nephite captains oozing in the wilderness (see Alma 58:16-17). All right, I promise, no more twisting of the scriptures for humorous purposes (for this week at least). You'll also read about more important things, like the 2,000 stripling warriors and their awesome moms. And when you listen to your mom, you really DO get advice that will help you make tough decisions.
There's an urban legend about two missionaries who were teaching the discussions to a woman. She responded well to the teachings, but was hesitant to commit to baptism. One day the missionaries stopped by, but the woman wasn't home. They left her a note that said, "Sorry we missed you. We hope you're still thinking and praying about being baptized. We know it's a big decision. We invite you to read 1 Nephi 3:7-8; we think after you read it, you'll know what to do."
As most devout Mormons know, that passage in 1 Nephi teaches that God will not give us a commandment without making it possible for us to keep it. Surely, the missionaries thought, these verses would provide their investigator with the encouragement, the faith, and the determination she needed to accept this major commitment.
They returned to the woman's home the next day. Before they could ring the bell, they were stunned to find the woman's copy of The Book of Mormon hanging from the door in a plastic bag. They rang the doorbell, knocked, even called her, but got no answer. Devastated, they took the bag and slumped away.
When the missionaries returned home that evening, they took the book out of the bag to place it with the other copies they hoped to give away to potential converts. One noticed the note they had written the previous day sticking out of it. The missionary opened to the page the note was marking, and saw that it was 3 Nephi, chapter 3. Their investigator had read the wrong passage!
As the companionship read verses 7 and 8 of chapter 3, they began to chuckle as the reason for their former friend's change of heart became clear. They had promised their suggested passage would help her know whether she should be baptized and join the church, and this is what she read:
Or in other words, yield yourselves up unto us, and unite with us and become acquainted with our secret works, and become our brethren that ye may be like unto us--not our slaves, but our brethren and partners of all our substance.
And behold, I swear unto you, if ye will do this, with an oath, ye shall not be destroyed; but if ye will not do this, I swear unto you with an oath, that on the morrow month I will command that my armies shall come down against you, and they shall not stay their hand and shall spare not, but shall slay you, and shall let fall the sword upon you even until ye shall become extinct. (3 Ne. 3:7-8)And we wonder why people think we're a cult! (If you're unfamiliar, these verses are part of a letter sent by the leader of a band of robbers who wanted to destroy the church and dominate their society.)
Speaking of letting fall the sword...this week in Sunday School we're covering the rest of the "war chapters" in Alma. You'll get to read about some of the Nephite captains oozing in the wilderness (see Alma 58:16-17). All right, I promise, no more twisting of the scriptures for humorous purposes (for this week at least). You'll also read about more important things, like the 2,000 stripling warriors and their awesome moms. And when you listen to your mom, you really DO get advice that will help you make tough decisions.
Friday, August 10, 2012
A whole new meaning
I've read The Book of Mormon a bunch of times. Like, probably at least 60-70 times, start to finish. Even more if you count the times I plowed through Book of Mormon Stories as a kid. When it was my turn to give the Family Home Evening lesson, I told the story of Captain Moroni and the title of liberty literally every time over a two or three year period.
Because I've read the BOM so many times, in recent years I often find myself going through it on autopilot, not really thinking about much about what I'm reading. This is of course not an ideal way to study the scriptures, but it's better than not reading at all. Every once in a while, though, I read a passage that clicks with me in a way it never has before in dozens of previous readings.
One of the most memorable of these instances happened when I was reading about the first battle of the aforementioned Captain Moroni. Moroni's army had surrounded the enemy Lamanites, but since Moroni was not a violent or vicious man, he halted the attack and gave his enemies an option: surrender your weapons and vow never to come to war against us again, and we'll let you go. If not, we'll continue to kill you until you accept our terms.
The soon-to-be-scalped Lamanite leader, Zerahemnah, declined the offer. Captain Moroni responded "Now I cannot recall the words which I have spoken" (Alma 44:11). Of course, he meant that he would not take back his words or change his mind on the terms of surrender he had laid out. But this one time I read it, my brain interpreted it to mean that Moroni couldn't remember what he had just said to Zerahemnah. It made me laugh then, and has done the same on each subsequent reading. I'll never be able to read that verse again without thinking about that other, wrong interpretation.
Many people dismiss these "war chapters" of The Book of Mormon as unimportant. Even the Church crams this large section into just a couple of weeks of Gospel Doctrine study, including ten chapters to read for this week's lesson (you'd better get started if you haven't already). But there's plenty of good stuff in the last 20 chapters of Alma, even for those who aren't into the whole neverending Nephite-Lamanite war narrative. I've gained many insights on gospel principles in these pages that have strengthened my faith and solidified my commitment to the Lord and His church. I'm hoping to learn even more as I read these pages for the umpteenth time these next few weeks. And I know, if I do, that I'll never read the scriptures the same way again.
Have you ever misinterpreted a scripture in a funny way? What gospel insights have you gained while studying the "war chapters?"
Because I've read the BOM so many times, in recent years I often find myself going through it on autopilot, not really thinking about much about what I'm reading. This is of course not an ideal way to study the scriptures, but it's better than not reading at all. Every once in a while, though, I read a passage that clicks with me in a way it never has before in dozens of previous readings.
One of the most memorable of these instances happened when I was reading about the first battle of the aforementioned Captain Moroni. Moroni's army had surrounded the enemy Lamanites, but since Moroni was not a violent or vicious man, he halted the attack and gave his enemies an option: surrender your weapons and vow never to come to war against us again, and we'll let you go. If not, we'll continue to kill you until you accept our terms.
The soon-to-be-scalped Lamanite leader, Zerahemnah, declined the offer. Captain Moroni responded "Now I cannot recall the words which I have spoken" (Alma 44:11). Of course, he meant that he would not take back his words or change his mind on the terms of surrender he had laid out. But this one time I read it, my brain interpreted it to mean that Moroni couldn't remember what he had just said to Zerahemnah. It made me laugh then, and has done the same on each subsequent reading. I'll never be able to read that verse again without thinking about that other, wrong interpretation.
Many people dismiss these "war chapters" of The Book of Mormon as unimportant. Even the Church crams this large section into just a couple of weeks of Gospel Doctrine study, including ten chapters to read for this week's lesson (you'd better get started if you haven't already). But there's plenty of good stuff in the last 20 chapters of Alma, even for those who aren't into the whole neverending Nephite-Lamanite war narrative. I've gained many insights on gospel principles in these pages that have strengthened my faith and solidified my commitment to the Lord and His church. I'm hoping to learn even more as I read these pages for the umpteenth time these next few weeks. And I know, if I do, that I'll never read the scriptures the same way again.
Have you ever misinterpreted a scripture in a funny way? What gospel insights have you gained while studying the "war chapters?"
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Cue Jesse Katsopolis
For this week's Sunday School discussion on justice and mercy, I had ambitions to write about examples of justice and injustice in the Olympics, whether it's throwing badminton matches, the vagaries of gymnastics scoring, blatantly corrupt boxing refs, or even a different kind of corruption in the swimming pool.
But it never came together how I wanted. So instead, you get this classic seminary video, a dramatization of Boyd K. Packer's parable of the mediator--a great-in-its-simplicity explanation of the justice/mercy dichotomy and how a mediator (specifically, THE Mediator, Jesus Christ) allows them to coexist.
Oh, and you also get this, in case the post's title confused you. We now move on into the "war chapters" of Alma, and I promise next week's BASOTRUSSL will show a little more creativity.
But it never came together how I wanted. So instead, you get this classic seminary video, a dramatization of Boyd K. Packer's parable of the mediator--a great-in-its-simplicity explanation of the justice/mercy dichotomy and how a mediator (specifically, THE Mediator, Jesus Christ) allows them to coexist.
Oh, and you also get this, in case the post's title confused you. We now move on into the "war chapters" of Alma, and I promise next week's BASOTRUSSL will show a little more creativity.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Hoffmann of the Month: August
Hey, did you know the Olympics were happening right now? Yeah, you knew. Everybody knows. Because the Olympics are great. And I'm jumping on the Olympic bandwagon by naming the late Fritz Hofmann August's "Hoffmann of the Month."
Fritz competed for Germany in the 1896 Games in Athens--that's right, the first modern Olympiad. My boy Fritz is an OG. He garnered a silver medal in the 100 m, the race now universally used to acknowledge "the world's fastest man."
But Hofmann wasn't just a sprinter; he actually had quite an eclectic Olympic resume, including a bronze medal performance in "Men's Rope Climbing" at those same '96 games. How cool is that? Apparently, this now-discontinued event crowned a champion "based on who climbed the rope the quickest and with the best style." Now I'm quite curious to find out what the various rope-climbing styles were back in the day. (In addition to being quirky, this is also quite impressive, since I had always agreed with Principal Skinner's assertion that it is not physically possible to climb a rope.)
That small picture above is the only one I can find of Fritz online, but it's practically life-size--at the turn of the 20th century, a 5'6" guy who weighed 123 pounds could be a dominant athlete. I wish he were still around and competing today, just so I could hear Bob Costas make a "bad puttin' on the Fritz" joke. You know he would.
Congratulations, Fritz! You're definitely one of the most-deserving Hoffmans of the Month ever.
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