My experiment with Save Me is still going. From a "how do they treat God, faith, and religion" standpoint, I'm very pleased. Most of the characters are depicted as flawed, but good, and making incremental improvements to their lives. Love and forgiveness trump haughtiness and condemnation. Perhaps best of all, the "prophetess" is fully committed to doing God's will, even when the instructions that come are difficult and/or in direct opposition to her own will--just like true prophets and disciples do (or should do).
From a "is this a good TV show" standpoint, the outlook isn't so good. It's just not very funny. NBC is burning off two episodes at a time, which is usually not a good sign for a show's future, but it is on NBC, which doesn't have much if anything they could replace it with. I hope it sticks around, because its perspective is refreshing and different than anything else (at least that I'm aware of) on mainstream TV. And maybe the writers will figure out how to make it funny--perhaps unleashing Diedrich Bader a little more?
Of course, the biggest TV news of the last week was the return of Arrested Development. I took my Sunday night shift off and my brother and I binged on the new season--nine episodes on Sunday, six on Monday. And since the new stuff was on Netflix and free of typical network commercial concerns, each episode was 30-ish minutes long. It was a lot of TV.
Most people who I know that have watched some or all of the new episodes are either disappointed or very disappointed. They weren't perfect (Buster was wildly underused, for example, which makes the title of this post somewhat misleading, but it was the best I could come up with), but considered collectively I thought the new season was very good. I have some theories about why others were disappointed, and some comments about why said theories are wrong, but I'll save those comments for a future post, when everyone has had a little more time to watch and I won't feel bad about giving spoilers.
I'm very much looking forward to another TV resurrection that will happen later this summer. Whose Line Is It Anyway? is coming back, with Wayne Brady and all the other great improv-ers, and just as importantlyly, without Drew Carey. The man ruins TV franchises, or at least makes them considerably worse. The US version of Whose Line was still pretty good, but if host Clive Anderson had been brought over with the show when it was imported from the UK it would've been much better. And Carey is clearly no Bob Barker. He's not exactly brimming with enthusiasm.
So AD has now found a second home, and Whose Line is on its 4th network (counting the BBC). But they're hardly the first shows to find new life years after their supposed cancellation:
--Soap operas All My Children and One Life To Live were recently reborn on Hulu, two years after their decades-long TV runs came to an end.
--One of my all-time favorite shows, Charles In Charge, was canceled after just one season on network TV, but was later picked up in first-run syndication. Of course, many of the actors had taken other jobs by that point, so they made Charles the "manny" of an entirely new family.
--Bill Lawrence is either very lucky, or is just more committed to and more willing to fight for the shows he creates than most: two of his sitcoms, Scrubs and Cougar Town, have been picked up by a second network after being canned on the first.
--Jay Leno lost his Tonight Show gig only to get it back a few months later. Fortunately, he'll be going away again next year, this time (hopefully) for good.
--Seinfeld had a sort of alternate universe resurrection on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
--Likely the most successful example is Family Guy, which was canceled by Fox after three seasons and 50 episodes. Massive DVD sales brought about its return a few years later (also on Fox, making this the only show I know of that had its first and second run on the same network), and eight seasons later it's still going.
Switching networks actually happens way more than I thought (can't believe I forgot that the final season of Family Matters was on CBS). Throw in reboots, movies, and even fan fiction, and a canceled show with a devoted fan base is never completely canceled.
Eventually, one "show" that has been on hiatus for a loooooong time will make its grand return. It will be the ultimate "Sweeps Week" stunt--the sweeping of the wicked from the earth during Christ's Second Coming. As you may have guessed, the Second Coming is the subject of this week's Sunday School lesson. I suggest everyone study up so they can be prepared for class. (It's a good start toward being ready for the actual Second Coming.) Since I've already done so, I can now get back to watching TV.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
The sun, the moon and the TV stars
Happy 44th birthday to Anne Heche! You guys remember Ms. Heche, right? In case you're not familiar, she's an actress who's worked consistently in TV and movies for almost 25 years, but is most famous for two things: dating Ellen DeGeneres (until deciding that she wasn't actually a lesbian), and creating an alter ego named Celestia, "an alien from another planet who could speak to God and was the half-sister of Jesus Christ."
Heche's new sitcom, Save Me, debuted on NBC this week . I'm not sure how much she had to do with the creation of the show or her character, but it seems likely there was some "Celestia" influence--Heche plays a woman who turns her life around after a near-death experience gives her renewed perspective and the ability to talk directly to God--with God answering directly back. The first two episodes aired this week, and you can watch them online.
I did just that, and have mixed feelings about the show. For starters, it's a sitcom that's not very funny, which is never a good sign. The religious component is more intriguing. It's rare for a mainstream show (though it's becoming increasingly debatable just how "mainstream" NBC is) to tackle religion and spirituality in any form; when they do, it's usually in a heavy-handed way (think Touched By An Angel), or, if it's on a comedy, in a way that makes believers seem crazy, buffoonish, or otherwise mockable (think Ned Flanders).
At this early stage, Save Me seems to be aiming for more of a middle ground: the one scene that takes place in a church showed believers as normal, friendly, welcoming people. I find this encouraging, but also have a few issues with the supposed dialogue that takes place between God and Heche's Beth.
To begin with...Beth makes a point of referring to God as "He/She." That's soooo progressive (and also, perhaps an alternative pronunciation of Heche). They also deliberately avoid aligning God with a particular faith (Christianity, Judaism, Islam, etc., though the aforementioned church is clearly a Christian denomination). This is not surprising, but I would've respected the show more if it had assigned a gender and some specific doctrine to its "God," even if their portrayal didn't match my beliefs.
Beth calls herself a prophet, but I've never known God to use prophets for matters so trivial. God seems to have given Beth at least some control over electricity, which she is yet to fully harness, and the messages Beth receives fall into one of two categories: knowledge about the love lives of her family and friends (this God is apparently really gossipy), and advice on how to help her family and heal the strained relationships she has with her husband and daughter.
That last type of heavenly message is actually far from trivial, but it's also not the directive God gives to a capital-P Prophet. It's personal inspiration and revelation, which God will give freely to any person who truly seeks it. It's kind of sad that when Beth prays, and then receives answers to those prayers, this behavior is such an anomaly that she's viewed as being crazy, a liar, or extremely fortunate, depending on who you ask.
No, a Prophet does not often receive direction from God about what to do with a stolen espresso maker, but they do frequently say things like:
For now, I'll continue to watch Save Me (and if you watch it, I'd love to hear what you think), and take interest in how the show portrays faith, religion, and spirituality. But long after I grow tired of the musings of the "prophet" Celestia, I'll continue to heed the words of Prophets who deal in the Celestial. They really do talk to God. Plus, they don't interrupt their sermons every seven minutes for a commercial break. That's an added bonus.
Heche's new sitcom, Save Me, debuted on NBC this week . I'm not sure how much she had to do with the creation of the show or her character, but it seems likely there was some "Celestia" influence--Heche plays a woman who turns her life around after a near-death experience gives her renewed perspective and the ability to talk directly to God--with God answering directly back. The first two episodes aired this week, and you can watch them online.
I did just that, and have mixed feelings about the show. For starters, it's a sitcom that's not very funny, which is never a good sign. The religious component is more intriguing. It's rare for a mainstream show (though it's becoming increasingly debatable just how "mainstream" NBC is) to tackle religion and spirituality in any form; when they do, it's usually in a heavy-handed way (think Touched By An Angel), or, if it's on a comedy, in a way that makes believers seem crazy, buffoonish, or otherwise mockable (think Ned Flanders).
At this early stage, Save Me seems to be aiming for more of a middle ground: the one scene that takes place in a church showed believers as normal, friendly, welcoming people. I find this encouraging, but also have a few issues with the supposed dialogue that takes place between God and Heche's Beth.
To begin with...Beth makes a point of referring to God as "He/She." That's soooo progressive (and also, perhaps an alternative pronunciation of Heche). They also deliberately avoid aligning God with a particular faith (Christianity, Judaism, Islam, etc., though the aforementioned church is clearly a Christian denomination). This is not surprising, but I would've respected the show more if it had assigned a gender and some specific doctrine to its "God," even if their portrayal didn't match my beliefs.
Beth calls herself a prophet, but I've never known God to use prophets for matters so trivial. God seems to have given Beth at least some control over electricity, which she is yet to fully harness, and the messages Beth receives fall into one of two categories: knowledge about the love lives of her family and friends (this God is apparently really gossipy), and advice on how to help her family and heal the strained relationships she has with her husband and daughter.
That last type of heavenly message is actually far from trivial, but it's also not the directive God gives to a capital-P Prophet. It's personal inspiration and revelation, which God will give freely to any person who truly seeks it. It's kind of sad that when Beth prays, and then receives answers to those prayers, this behavior is such an anomaly that she's viewed as being crazy, a liar, or extremely fortunate, depending on who you ask.
No, a Prophet does not often receive direction from God about what to do with a stolen espresso maker, but they do frequently say things like:
And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of [Jesus Christ], this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father--
That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God. (D&C 76:22-24)That type of declaration of truth is the real work of true prophets of God--to testify of Jesus Christ. The above quote is an excerpt from Joseph Smith's description of his vision of the three degrees of glory (the telestial, terrestrial, and celestial kingdoms--coincidentally, the topic of this week's Sunday School lesson).
For now, I'll continue to watch Save Me (and if you watch it, I'd love to hear what you think), and take interest in how the show portrays faith, religion, and spirituality. But long after I grow tired of the musings of the "prophet" Celestia, I'll continue to heed the words of Prophets who deal in the Celestial. They really do talk to God. Plus, they don't interrupt their sermons every seven minutes for a commercial break. That's an added bonus.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Lesson plan
"Dear Editor,
I am offended. Not always, but often."
--David Hedengren, as published in The Daily Universe on February 15, 2001.
This brief missive encapsulates pretty well what I loved about the BYU campus paper when I lived in Provo. The pettiness of the student body gave me something to look forward to every Tuesday and Thursday. Alas, a little over a year ago, the Universe switched to a digital publication with a once-weekly print edition (at least according to an email I got, I haven't been on campus myself to verify), making it harder for students to grab some free entertainment on their way into a boring class.
Even worse...for a while, the archives of old articles and letters were absent from the Internet, apparently needing to be reformatted after a site redesign. But about a week ago, I got an email letting me know that the archives are back. I immediately got sucked into a black hole of reading the letters to the editor from the Fall 2000 semester. Somehow, Bush/Gore and a few other political topics got some mentions in the midst of student commentary on Julie from The Real World, the homecoming queen portraits hanging in the Wilk, President Hinckley's then-new stance against women wearing multiple pairs of earrings, and of course, the controversy over said women using single-strap bookbags. It was delightful.
Anyone who spent time at BYU since the advent of the World Wide Web can have a similarly awesome nostalgic experience. You can search the archive by month using the dropdown menu at the bottom of any page on the site, but it appears the search function is only available from the homepage. (In case you're curious...searching for "shocked" yields 562 results, and "appalled" returns 157 hits, but the phrase "shocked and appalled" appears in only 23 posts.)
Four of those 23 instances came from the one and only Eric D. Snider. If the thought of perusing online archives of the Daily U appeals to you, you are likely already familiar with Mr. Snider; for the rest of you--Eric Snider's humor column "Snide Remarks" ran in the paper for a few years. I knew of him during my freshman year (1998-1999), mainly because of some controversy that ended his column that winter. But one of my mission companions, Rob Gotfredson, was a friend of Eric's and had a book of his older columns. (Rob even got a shout out in the introduction. They were tight.)
We would read the columns over and over to each other when we'd come home every night, trying hard to keep a straight face as we read. This was hard to do, even after reading the same piece for the fifth or sixth time. The book is now out of print, but now all of these columns are back on "The Digital Universe" site for everyone to enjoy!
Except for one. There was one column in the book that was never published in the paper. Again, the Internet has come to the rescue, for Snider has his own website, and it appears to contain everything he's ever written. I can't vouch for his other stuff because I haven't read it, but his late-90s Daily Universe columns are all worth at least one read, and some of them are worth dozens. This "lost" column is one of my all-time favorites. It describes how BYU wards typically have a large number of returned missionaries, which is helpful in preventing the teaching of false doctrine.
Towards the end, Snider says these RMs fall into one of three categories: pro-Bruce R. McConkie, anti-McConkie, and the third group:
This Sunday in my ward's Gospel Doctrine class, there will likely be a large number of returned missionaries, but we will be discussing stuff that's necessary for salvation--in fact, it's the plan of salvation.
So yes, this was actually my weekly BASOTRUSSL* post al along. And yes, it appears that Eric D. Snider was writing BASOTRUSSLs long before I was. If this shocks or appalls you, please write an angry letter about it. I know a publication that specializes in them, and I would LOVE to read it.
*BASOTRUSSL = Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson
I am offended. Not always, but often."
--David Hedengren, as published in The Daily Universe on February 15, 2001.
This brief missive encapsulates pretty well what I loved about the BYU campus paper when I lived in Provo. The pettiness of the student body gave me something to look forward to every Tuesday and Thursday. Alas, a little over a year ago, the Universe switched to a digital publication with a once-weekly print edition (at least according to an email I got, I haven't been on campus myself to verify), making it harder for students to grab some free entertainment on their way into a boring class.
Even worse...for a while, the archives of old articles and letters were absent from the Internet, apparently needing to be reformatted after a site redesign. But about a week ago, I got an email letting me know that the archives are back. I immediately got sucked into a black hole of reading the letters to the editor from the Fall 2000 semester. Somehow, Bush/Gore and a few other political topics got some mentions in the midst of student commentary on Julie from The Real World, the homecoming queen portraits hanging in the Wilk, President Hinckley's then-new stance against women wearing multiple pairs of earrings, and of course, the controversy over said women using single-strap bookbags. It was delightful.
Anyone who spent time at BYU since the advent of the World Wide Web can have a similarly awesome nostalgic experience. You can search the archive by month using the dropdown menu at the bottom of any page on the site, but it appears the search function is only available from the homepage. (In case you're curious...searching for "shocked" yields 562 results, and "appalled" returns 157 hits, but the phrase "shocked and appalled" appears in only 23 posts.)
Four of those 23 instances came from the one and only Eric D. Snider. If the thought of perusing online archives of the Daily U appeals to you, you are likely already familiar with Mr. Snider; for the rest of you--Eric Snider's humor column "Snide Remarks" ran in the paper for a few years. I knew of him during my freshman year (1998-1999), mainly because of some controversy that ended his column that winter. But one of my mission companions, Rob Gotfredson, was a friend of Eric's and had a book of his older columns. (Rob even got a shout out in the introduction. They were tight.)
We would read the columns over and over to each other when we'd come home every night, trying hard to keep a straight face as we read. This was hard to do, even after reading the same piece for the fifth or sixth time. The book is now out of print, but now all of these columns are back on "The Digital Universe" site for everyone to enjoy!
Except for one. There was one column in the book that was never published in the paper. Again, the Internet has come to the rescue, for Snider has his own website, and it appears to contain everything he's ever written. I can't vouch for his other stuff because I haven't read it, but his late-90s Daily Universe columns are all worth at least one read, and some of them are worth dozens. This "lost" column is one of my all-time favorites. It describes how BYU wards typically have a large number of returned missionaries, which is helpful in preventing the teaching of false doctrine.
Towards the end, Snider says these RMs fall into one of three categories: pro-Bruce R. McConkie, anti-McConkie, and the third group:
On yet a third side, you will have people who chuckle and say, "We're getting into some pretty deep doctrine here. I don't think it's necessary to my salvation for me to know that." These people will even say this during the announcements at the beginning of class, and when roll is being taken. These are people who, when they were missionaries, read the LaVell Edwards biography during their personal study time, and whose idea of a heavy gospel conversation is an exchange of J. Golden Kimball stories and a round of "Church Film Trivia" ("Which sister missionary in 'On the Way Home' is prettier?") (Answer: The blonde one.)That, my friends, is an extremely well-crafted joke. I don't care that as time goes by fewer and fewer people will understand the "On the Way Home" reference, it kills me every time--one of the funniest lines I've ever read.
This Sunday in my ward's Gospel Doctrine class, there will likely be a large number of returned missionaries, but we will be discussing stuff that's necessary for salvation--in fact, it's the plan of salvation.
So yes, this was actually my weekly BASOTRUSSL* post al along. And yes, it appears that Eric D. Snider was writing BASOTRUSSLs long before I was. If this shocks or appalls you, please write an angry letter about it. I know a publication that specializes in them, and I would LOVE to read it.
*BASOTRUSSL = Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson
Friday, May 10, 2013
Mascot Mania
Jim Gaffigan has been making regular appearances on this blog lately. It shouldn't be a surprise--not only is he hilarious, but he also once described himself in a TV special as a potential "mascot for the Mormons" (skip to the 2:40 mark of the link; the video is the entire special in question--if you have an hour it's WELL worth your time).
If you were to ask the population at large who or what they thought the Mormon mascot was, the most popular pick would likely be missionaries in white shirts and name tags. Some might also pick the Tabernacle Choir, or the Osmonds. Three years ago it would've been Jimmer in a landslide, but not so much right now. But if we're talking oversize, costumed mascots like you'll find patrolling the sidelines at sporting events, there's one clear choice:
The Angel Moroni. He even looks like he's riling up the crowd at a homecoming game. While the Mormon church will likely never have an official mascot, I think we can safely say that, at minimum, Moroni is the mascot for Mormon temples. (Hey! We're studying temples in Gospel Doctrine class this Sunday. Here's the study guide to help you get ready.)
The temple was the inspiration for another mascot: the Manti Templar. There is, of course, a famous ancient military order known as the Knights Templar, but make no mistake--Manti chose its high school mascot because of the town's temple, the third completed temple in Utah, way back in 1888. As a result, they have one of the most unique mascots in the nation and one of the best in the state--way better than just calling themselves the Knights.
USA Today recently held a contest to determine the best mascot in America, and another Utah mascot, the Carbon High School Dinos, were the runner-up to the champion Orphans of Centralia, Illinois. It's cool for a local(ish) school to get that kind of support, but the Dinos wouldn't even crack my list of the top ten Utah high school mascots. Here is said list:
Honorable Mention--Fremont High School
The Plain City school has a rather plain mascot--the Silver Wolves. But they deserve a shoutout because someone on Wikipedia took the time to chronicle their prehistoric football prowess and declare Chuck Norris the mascot of the 17k+ students enrolled. Well done, Internet pranksters. Well done.
10--Bear River Bears, Roy Royals, Beaver Beavers (tie)
I love the creativity displayed here. It's like how Tony Danza's character in every sitcom he appeared in was named Tony.
9--Delta Rabbits
It's not a spectacular mascot, but I don't want to deal with the wrath of Heidi Draper if she reads this and Delta isn't on the list.
8--Escalante Moquis
Just like the Templars, this local Native American name is used as a mascot by just one high school in the USA. Pretty cool.
7--Ben Lomond Scots
I'm a little biased, but...if it's not Scottish, it's crap!
6--Jordan Beetdiggers
Another example of a school eschewing something basic ("Farmers") and ending up with a uniquely awesome mascot.
5--Intermountain Christian Lions
I love the juxtaposition of Christian and Lions. I don't know how they perform on the field or the court, but the're definitely state champs in irony.
4--Manti Templars
As mentioned above, definitely a great mascot, but not the state's best.
3--American Fork Cavemen
Fremont may have been region champs back in 20 B.C., but only one school plays every year in the Stone Age. The existence of this mascot is even more impressive, considering the majority of parents in Utah County likely have mixed feelings at best about evolution being taught in the high schools.
1--Monticello Buckaroos
The colors of the top two high schools on this list are orange and black. That's no coincidence: a high school mascot is basically a slice of Halloween in the everyday life of a student. Again, the policy-makers here could've gone with something safe like Cowboy but instead came up with something great. With this name, they could even dress a kangaroo in a cowboy hat and it would make perfect sense. And of course, the kangaroo would scream "Banzai!"
Here's another list--some new mascot ideas I came up with for other Utah schools, listed in ascending order of awesomeness:
Dixie Cups
Manila Envelopes
Bountiful Baskets
Highland Cows
Skyline Chili
Tuacahn Toucans (putting them in the Roy Royals category; or, if you want to go a more esoteric route...)
Tuacahn Play-This-Games
Judge Judys
Milford Brimleys
Brighton Early
Maeser Prep Chalk Circles
Enterprise Starships
Hunter Gatherers
And last but certainly not least...the Tabiona Pudding!
In a perfect world, we'd all be watching a Pudding-Smelterites state title game. And Chuck Norris would be riding a kangaroo wearing a cowboy hat.
If you were to ask the population at large who or what they thought the Mormon mascot was, the most popular pick would likely be missionaries in white shirts and name tags. Some might also pick the Tabernacle Choir, or the Osmonds. Three years ago it would've been Jimmer in a landslide, but not so much right now. But if we're talking oversize, costumed mascots like you'll find patrolling the sidelines at sporting events, there's one clear choice:
The Angel Moroni. He even looks like he's riling up the crowd at a homecoming game. While the Mormon church will likely never have an official mascot, I think we can safely say that, at minimum, Moroni is the mascot for Mormon temples. (Hey! We're studying temples in Gospel Doctrine class this Sunday. Here's the study guide to help you get ready.)
The temple was the inspiration for another mascot: the Manti Templar. There is, of course, a famous ancient military order known as the Knights Templar, but make no mistake--Manti chose its high school mascot because of the town's temple, the third completed temple in Utah, way back in 1888. As a result, they have one of the most unique mascots in the nation and one of the best in the state--way better than just calling themselves the Knights.
USA Today recently held a contest to determine the best mascot in America, and another Utah mascot, the Carbon High School Dinos, were the runner-up to the champion Orphans of Centralia, Illinois. It's cool for a local(ish) school to get that kind of support, but the Dinos wouldn't even crack my list of the top ten Utah high school mascots. Here is said list:
Honorable Mention--Fremont High School
The Plain City school has a rather plain mascot--the Silver Wolves. But they deserve a shoutout because someone on Wikipedia took the time to chronicle their prehistoric football prowess and declare Chuck Norris the mascot of the 17k+ students enrolled. Well done, Internet pranksters. Well done.
10--Bear River Bears, Roy Royals, Beaver Beavers (tie)
I love the creativity displayed here. It's like how Tony Danza's character in every sitcom he appeared in was named Tony.
9--Delta Rabbits
It's not a spectacular mascot, but I don't want to deal with the wrath of Heidi Draper if she reads this and Delta isn't on the list.
8--Escalante Moquis
Just like the Templars, this local Native American name is used as a mascot by just one high school in the USA. Pretty cool.
7--Ben Lomond Scots
I'm a little biased, but...if it's not Scottish, it's crap!
6--Jordan Beetdiggers
Another example of a school eschewing something basic ("Farmers") and ending up with a uniquely awesome mascot.
5--Intermountain Christian Lions
I love the juxtaposition of Christian and Lions. I don't know how they perform on the field or the court, but the're definitely state champs in irony.
4--Manti Templars
As mentioned above, definitely a great mascot, but not the state's best.
3--American Fork Cavemen
Fremont may have been region champs back in 20 B.C., but only one school plays every year in the Stone Age. The existence of this mascot is even more impressive, considering the majority of parents in Utah County likely have mixed feelings at best about evolution being taught in the high schools.
2--Murray Smelterites
I didn't give my alma mater the top spot because this is no longer their mascot, but it definitely deserves a spot on the list. I love that they didn't go with Smelters or Smelterers or anything like that, but Smelterites, likely conjuring comparisons to Book of Mormon peoples in some and images of fanatical devotion in others. Even though it's been over a decade since the smelter smokestacks across from the school were imploded and more than 60 years since the mascot became the Spartans, this is still a very proud part of my heritage.
1--Monticello Buckaroos
The colors of the top two high schools on this list are orange and black. That's no coincidence: a high school mascot is basically a slice of Halloween in the everyday life of a student. Again, the policy-makers here could've gone with something safe like Cowboy but instead came up with something great. With this name, they could even dress a kangaroo in a cowboy hat and it would make perfect sense. And of course, the kangaroo would scream "Banzai!"
Here's another list--some new mascot ideas I came up with for other Utah schools, listed in ascending order of awesomeness:
Dixie Cups
Manila Envelopes
Bountiful Baskets
Highland Cows
Skyline Chili
Tuacahn Toucans (putting them in the Roy Royals category; or, if you want to go a more esoteric route...)
Tuacahn Play-This-Games
Judge Judys
Milford Brimleys
Brighton Early
Maeser Prep Chalk Circles
Enterprise Starships
Hunter Gatherers
And last but certainly not least...the Tabiona Pudding!
In a perfect world, we'd all be watching a Pudding-Smelterites state title game. And Chuck Norris would be riding a kangaroo wearing a cowboy hat.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Rise and fall, on the wings of my dreams
It's the second post chronicling my trip to Chicago, so naturally I used the next line from the Perfect Strangers theme song as the post title.
We got back to our hotel pretty late Friday night after the Gaffigan show, so we slept in a little on Saturday. Since it was my birthday, Andrew and Will graciously let me set the agenda. When I travel, my days basically consist of finding things to do to fill time until I'm ready to eat again. Missing that first connecting flight from New York cost us half a day in Chicago that I was hoping to have, and as a result we ended up foregoing museums, parks, landmarks, architecture, all that Ferris Bueller stuff, in order to ensure I got the food that I wanted. As you'll see, I'm confident I had the right priorities.
Before the trip I had solicited restaurant recommendations from two friends who had lived in Chicago. Both insisted that I get pancakes at The Bongo Room, so we headed there for breakfast. I love the name--it sounds like the '50s and '60s equivalent of Hooters or some other tacky, tawdry, cheesy establishment. (The restaurant is not like that, but it's still a fun name.) As great as the name is, the food is even better. I got the red velvet pancakes. They were huge, which was fortunate, or I likely would've devoured them too quickly to remember to take a picture.
From there, we did actually try to do something touristy, but it was a 90+-minute wait to get up to the observation deck of the Willis (nee Sears) Tower, so we bailed and made our way to US Cellular Field to see the White Sox play the Twins (the Cubs were on the road that weekend, or you can bet we'd have gone to Wrigley). We got tickets in the highest deck but right behind home plate, so we had a good view. The highlight of the baseball action was correctly predicting what Adam Dunn would do to squash any Sox rallies (he is so unbelievably atrocious). But the ultimate highlight of the entire ballpark experience was getting my first-ever authentic Chicago-style hot dog. I had them "drag it through the garden," which is why you pretty much only see veggies here, but there was a dog underneath, and it was delicious.
It had been pretty cold at the game, so we stopped at our hotel to warm up for a bit and then headed back downtown for the food holy grail of this trip: deep-dish pizza. There are some who will say it's just a tourist thing, that it's not authentic Chicago pizza, but I don't care--it's a big delicious pizza and I wanted some. We chose Lou Malnati's (again, on my friends' recommendations), and a good choice it was.
Andrew told our server it was my birthday, and they comped us this big pizza-shaped cookie with ice cream! (Yes, I know most cookies are pizza-shaped.) It was a great way to end my birthday.
Sunday we spent literally all day in airports and on planes but eventually made it back to Utah. I'll have to go back to Chicago sometime to see all the things I missed--again, I have to do SOMETHING while I'm waiting to get hungry again.
We got back to our hotel pretty late Friday night after the Gaffigan show, so we slept in a little on Saturday. Since it was my birthday, Andrew and Will graciously let me set the agenda. When I travel, my days basically consist of finding things to do to fill time until I'm ready to eat again. Missing that first connecting flight from New York cost us half a day in Chicago that I was hoping to have, and as a result we ended up foregoing museums, parks, landmarks, architecture, all that Ferris Bueller stuff, in order to ensure I got the food that I wanted. As you'll see, I'm confident I had the right priorities.
Before the trip I had solicited restaurant recommendations from two friends who had lived in Chicago. Both insisted that I get pancakes at The Bongo Room, so we headed there for breakfast. I love the name--it sounds like the '50s and '60s equivalent of Hooters or some other tacky, tawdry, cheesy establishment. (The restaurant is not like that, but it's still a fun name.) As great as the name is, the food is even better. I got the red velvet pancakes. They were huge, which was fortunate, or I likely would've devoured them too quickly to remember to take a picture.
From there, we did actually try to do something touristy, but it was a 90+-minute wait to get up to the observation deck of the Willis (nee Sears) Tower, so we bailed and made our way to US Cellular Field to see the White Sox play the Twins (the Cubs were on the road that weekend, or you can bet we'd have gone to Wrigley). We got tickets in the highest deck but right behind home plate, so we had a good view. The highlight of the baseball action was correctly predicting what Adam Dunn would do to squash any Sox rallies (he is so unbelievably atrocious). But the ultimate highlight of the entire ballpark experience was getting my first-ever authentic Chicago-style hot dog. I had them "drag it through the garden," which is why you pretty much only see veggies here, but there was a dog underneath, and it was delicious.
It had been pretty cold at the game, so we stopped at our hotel to warm up for a bit and then headed back downtown for the food holy grail of this trip: deep-dish pizza. There are some who will say it's just a tourist thing, that it's not authentic Chicago pizza, but I don't care--it's a big delicious pizza and I wanted some. We chose Lou Malnati's (again, on my friends' recommendations), and a good choice it was.
Andrew told our server it was my birthday, and they comped us this big pizza-shaped cookie with ice cream! (Yes, I know most cookies are pizza-shaped.) It was a great way to end my birthday.
Sunday we spent literally all day in airports and on planes but eventually made it back to Utah. I'll have to go back to Chicago sometime to see all the things I missed--again, I have to do SOMETHING while I'm waiting to get hungry again.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Standing tall on the wings of my dreams
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Jim Gaffigan's book Dad Is Fat comes out today! That seems like appropriate motivation for me to finally blog about my trip to Chicago last month, a trip highlighted by the moment pictured above. (Read this if you don't know the story of how I won the chance to hobnob with my favorite comedian.)
The Gaffigan meet-and-greet was the highlight of a fun but short visit to Chi-town (my first time ever in the Windy City), sandwiched between a LOT of waiting anxiously in airports. My friend Andrew and I were flying standby on JetBlue (my employer, though I make no claim to represent them on this blog or any of my personal social media accounts), which meant we had to fly to New York before we could fly to Chicago, and that we were never guaranteed a spot on the plane. It's a very cost-effective way to travel but can also be fairly stressful.
Our flight from Salt Lake Thursday night was slightly delayed, and we arrived in New York just barely too late to make the connecting flight. As a result, we had about ten (!) hours to wait until our next chance to get to Chicago, so Andrew and I caught the subway into Manhattan for breakfast at Max Brenner, one of my favorite places in the city. We both got hot chocolate and regular breakfast foods. In the dozen or so times I've been to the restaurant, it was the least chocolate I've ever had there. I was glad to see they still have very flattering bathroom mirrors.
We napped briefly in Union Square before heading back to the airport, only to learn that our flight was delayed. Now, I was starting to get worried that we wouldn't make it in time for Jim's show. While waiting, I checked Twitter on my phone and saw that Gaffigan was also having travel issues--his flight had been canceled and he wasn't sure if he'd make it from Ohio to Chicago in time for his show. Shortly before we boarded our flight, though, he tweeted again that he had found a way to get there and the shows (he was doing two on Friday and two on Saturday) would go on.
We pushed away from the gate, and then our captain came on the PA to tell us that we were 15th in line for takeoff and we'd be on the runway at least 35 minutes. At that point I knew we wouldn't make it to the show on time, so I sent Jim a direct message on Twitter (he follows me, you know) to check if it was possible to switch our tickets to either the Friday late show or either Saturday show. He literally replied immediately--like, within three minutes--saying he'd hook us up for the late show that night! In the midst of what was likely a stressful afternoon for him, when he was likely very busy dealing with his own flight problems and getting ready for his show, he stopped whatever he was doing to quickly reply to and help out someone he doesn't know. I've always been a fan of Jim Gaffigan the comedian, and now I'm just as big a fan of Jim Gaffigan the human being.
With that settled, I became much more relaxed. Switching to the late show was doubly good, because my friend Will was flying up from Kansas. He was planning to head straight from the airport to the theater, but still was likely to be a little late for the show. Now he'd arrive in plenty of time. Our flights ended up arriving at about the same time, and the three of us took the train to our hotel, got checked in, and took a taxi to the theater. This theater.
Yep, that's the historic Chicago Theatre, featured at the end of the Perfect Strangers intro (this post's title s lifted from the theme song). Jim was true to his word--we got our tickets (great seats!) and VIP wristbands (you know it!) from will call, and laughed our butts off at opening act Hannibal Buress (by far the best opener Gaffigan's ever had, and I've now seen him 6 times in 3 different states). Then Jim did his set, which had a surprising amount of new material even though I just saw him on this same tour last November. This was the first time I'd heard him do his Hot Pockets stuff pre-encore, but that's because in lieu of an encore he brought out a cameraman to record us chanting "CBS! CBS! CBS!" as a sign to network execs that they should pick up the sitcom pilot he just shot and add it to their fall schedule. Good times.
After the show we made our way backstage with the other "VIPs." I use the quotes because they all had to PAY for their VIP privileges. Suckers. However, by buying the VIP package they did get a bunch of Gaffi-swag that we did not. They had us all line up, and since Andrew is pretty aggressive we ended up at the front of the line. Jim came out, and we went to greet him and snap some photos. I thanked him for switching the tickets for us, and once he knew who I was he asked if we had gotten the gift bag. We said no, so Jim sent a lackey to fetch some stuff for us. This probably resulted in us getting two or three extra minutes of conversation that the others in line didn't. (I told you, we were the real VIPs.) During those extra minutes, Jim said that he liked my video, which is still somewhat baffling to me. The concept was good but the production values were atrocious. (Again, if you're not sure what video I'm referring to, check the link in the first paragraph.)
The lackey came back with a DVD of one of his previous specials, a poster, and a Gaffigan mask like the one I used in my video. He signed "Andrew Pockets!" on Andrew's poster, "Will my hero" on Will's mask, and on mine...well, check it out.
That's right, Jim Gaffigan and I are BFFs. Before signing he asked me my name--he said he remembered my last name was Hofmann but couldn't recall my first name. He probably gets dozens of people tweeting at him every day, but he remembered my name from our online interactions. I thought that was pretty cool. Overall, he was a very normal guy, who seemed flattered that so many people wanted to meet him. Not at all pompous or arrogant or anything like that. Again, I'm a big fan of Jim Gaffigan the human being.
This is getting long, so I'll save the details of all the food I ate the next day (my birthday!) for another post. Thanks for hooking us up, Jim!
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Saturday, May 4, 2013
Hoffmann of the Month: May
Based on the small amount of research I've done, it appears that Matt is a "social media rockstar," to use the parlance of the day--a parlance which, as a "social media guru," I actively despise. But it's still true. For starters, he was enough of an early adopter to get the Twitter handle @hofmann (have to admit, I'm pretty jealous), and he's clearly quite active on that service. Some quick Googling helped me find his profile on a number of more specialized social networks as well.
The main reason Matt is such a timely choice is evident from his bios on these networks--today is Star Wars Day (as in, May the Fourth Be With You), and Hofmann is a self-described Star Wars fanatic. I like Star Wars just fine, and even attended a May the Fourth event last year, getting my picture taken with some costumed characters. Well, Matt IS one of those guys who dresses up and performs at events like that (sometimes even as a Tusken Raider). He even served a stint as "Legion Commanding Officer," which as far as I can tell means he was the highest ranking Star Wars recreationist in all of Indiana. Even better, he uses it as a highlight of his career on his LinkedIn page. I really admire people who own their passions to that degree.
So, Matt Hofmann, congratulations on being named Hoffmann of the Month! You deserve it. The Force is certainly strong with this one.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Think fast
This week's Sunday School lesson covers, among other things, the law of the fast. It turns out I've BASOTRUSSLed* about fasting before, and that I've already written a post titled "The Hunger Games"--my first idea for what to call this entry.
So I've decided to tell you all about Victor Willey.**
Probably every ward has at least one weird guy, especially when viewed through the eyes of punk teenagers. But I'd wager that Vic was weirder than most.
He always sat at the center of the very front row of the chapel, all alone. He sang very loudly and quite off-key, which isn't a big deal--at least he was singing. But worse than that, he was completely oblivious of the organist, chorister, and other singers. On more than one occasion, when it was announced that only the first verse of a hymn would be sung, ol' Vic launched into the second, belting out a measure or two before realizing that he was performing an unwanted solo.
But Vic really shone on Fast Sundays. I only collected fast offerings from the Willey household once. (I think he lived alone, but his girlfriend was there that time. He had a lady companion for about a year of the three or four years in which he attended our ward. She was largely a cypher but seemed strange by association.) Rather than stuff some money into the envelope, or write a quick check, or say he would pay with his tithing, he brought me inside while he pulled out a used McDonald's milk carton and began counting out coins, audibly working out how much he should pay.
"Let's see, I can eat a very good breakfast for $2.25. Lunch costs a little bit more, but you can put together a good meal for $3.50..."
It was the actual fast and testimony meeting where Vic most consistently made his mark. As soon as the bishopric member finished their opening remarks and said "the time is yours," Brother Willey popped out of his front-row seat and was the first one at the microphone. Every month. Every. Single. Month. I don't remember many specifics of what he said, but I remember a lot of uncomfortable stories told with uncomfortable intensity.
Each week after the sacrament, one of the deacons would take their spot as "bishop's messenger"--sitting right behind the bishop, available if he needed someone to run some errand for him. There may have been a time when this position served some important function, but I never observed these messengers actually receive an assignment. Still, the bishop's messenger was in an advantageous position--since they took their seat on the stand before testimony time was turned over to the congregation, they could get to the podium before Vic. Each fast Sunday, we dared the deacon whose turn it was to "messenge" to be the first to bear their testimony, just to see how Vic would react. But we always chickened out.
Alas, the Vic Willey saga had a sad ending. At a stake conference when I was about 15 or 16, during the sustaining of the stake presidency, when the "those opposed by the same sign" direction was given, Vic's hand shot up. (It was very noticeable since, even in this meeting, he was sitting front and center.) As far as I can recall, I never saw him again, at church or otherwise.
I feel kinda bad about how we mocked him back then, though obviously not too bad since I'm basically doing it again now. Vic was probably about 50 years old at the time (though kids aren't the best at guessing the age of "old" people, so anything from 40-65 wouldn't surprise me), so there's a very good chance he's still alive. If I were to somehow bump into him again, I'd love to actually get to know him, find out what he's like, find out what happened to turn him against his church leaders, find out what's happened to him in the intervening years. But if that never happens, at least I have my memories.
Strangely, I'm having a hard time coming up with many other memories of weird-testimony givers. I know I've observed plenty over my years as a missionary in Scotland, in singles wards in Salt Lake, Provo, and New York, and in family wards. I can recall the 10-year-old boy on my mission testifying that "Zero is ace." (Aberdeen FC star Hicham "Zero" Zerouali was indeed ace. I had no idea he had died so young until I pulled up his Wikipedia page. It made me a little sad.) And I can certainly recall the craziest sacrament meeting talk I ever heard. But I'm having a hard time remembering the weird Fast Sunday testimonies.
So help me out in the comments. Tell me your best "crazy testimony" stories, whether or not we were in the same ward at the time.
*BASOTRUSSL = Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson--it's a weekly feature on the blog
**Name has NOT been changed. :-)
So I've decided to tell you all about Victor Willey.**
Probably every ward has at least one weird guy, especially when viewed through the eyes of punk teenagers. But I'd wager that Vic was weirder than most.
He always sat at the center of the very front row of the chapel, all alone. He sang very loudly and quite off-key, which isn't a big deal--at least he was singing. But worse than that, he was completely oblivious of the organist, chorister, and other singers. On more than one occasion, when it was announced that only the first verse of a hymn would be sung, ol' Vic launched into the second, belting out a measure or two before realizing that he was performing an unwanted solo.
But Vic really shone on Fast Sundays. I only collected fast offerings from the Willey household once. (I think he lived alone, but his girlfriend was there that time. He had a lady companion for about a year of the three or four years in which he attended our ward. She was largely a cypher but seemed strange by association.) Rather than stuff some money into the envelope, or write a quick check, or say he would pay with his tithing, he brought me inside while he pulled out a used McDonald's milk carton and began counting out coins, audibly working out how much he should pay.
"Let's see, I can eat a very good breakfast for $2.25. Lunch costs a little bit more, but you can put together a good meal for $3.50..."
It was the actual fast and testimony meeting where Vic most consistently made his mark. As soon as the bishopric member finished their opening remarks and said "the time is yours," Brother Willey popped out of his front-row seat and was the first one at the microphone. Every month. Every. Single. Month. I don't remember many specifics of what he said, but I remember a lot of uncomfortable stories told with uncomfortable intensity.
Each week after the sacrament, one of the deacons would take their spot as "bishop's messenger"--sitting right behind the bishop, available if he needed someone to run some errand for him. There may have been a time when this position served some important function, but I never observed these messengers actually receive an assignment. Still, the bishop's messenger was in an advantageous position--since they took their seat on the stand before testimony time was turned over to the congregation, they could get to the podium before Vic. Each fast Sunday, we dared the deacon whose turn it was to "messenge" to be the first to bear their testimony, just to see how Vic would react. But we always chickened out.
Alas, the Vic Willey saga had a sad ending. At a stake conference when I was about 15 or 16, during the sustaining of the stake presidency, when the "those opposed by the same sign" direction was given, Vic's hand shot up. (It was very noticeable since, even in this meeting, he was sitting front and center.) As far as I can recall, I never saw him again, at church or otherwise.
I feel kinda bad about how we mocked him back then, though obviously not too bad since I'm basically doing it again now. Vic was probably about 50 years old at the time (though kids aren't the best at guessing the age of "old" people, so anything from 40-65 wouldn't surprise me), so there's a very good chance he's still alive. If I were to somehow bump into him again, I'd love to actually get to know him, find out what he's like, find out what happened to turn him against his church leaders, find out what's happened to him in the intervening years. But if that never happens, at least I have my memories.
Strangely, I'm having a hard time coming up with many other memories of weird-testimony givers. I know I've observed plenty over my years as a missionary in Scotland, in singles wards in Salt Lake, Provo, and New York, and in family wards. I can recall the 10-year-old boy on my mission testifying that "Zero is ace." (Aberdeen FC star Hicham "Zero" Zerouali was indeed ace. I had no idea he had died so young until I pulled up his Wikipedia page. It made me a little sad.) And I can certainly recall the craziest sacrament meeting talk I ever heard. But I'm having a hard time remembering the weird Fast Sunday testimonies.
So help me out in the comments. Tell me your best "crazy testimony" stories, whether or not we were in the same ward at the time.
*BASOTRUSSL = Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson--it's a weekly feature on the blog
**Name has NOT been changed. :-)
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