I've had a number of nicknames throughout my life. When I was little, my mom called me Clyde once when the home teachers were over, and for years that's what they thought my name was.
Then, when I was in kindergarten the crossing guard asked me what my name was, and I told him it was Charlie. It's one of only three times I remember acting dishonestly as a child, and I have a great memory. No idea why I did it. But, for the next two years until he retired, he called me Charlie.
In 4th grade, inspired by the Beverly Cleary character Henry Huggins, my friend Wade started calling me Jeffery Huggins, but the moniker only caught on with a few people. In a post last week, I described how I got the nickname Lurch in junior high. I also mentioned in that post that my most prominent nickname was Hoover, and David left a comment saying he wanted to hear that story, so, here we go...
(This was actually the topic of my very first "blog"--I had my own column in my high school paper, the Murray-Go-Round. It was great. In addition to nicknames, I wrote about holidays, pro wrestling, and other important topics. Once I even wrote a piece calling out all the ladies that never asked me to the girls-choice dances.)
I had an art class in 7th grade. It was extremely basic. I sat at a table with four or five other guys, and while we drew our basic shapes and then shaded them, we would talk about random stuff. I guess we ran out of topics, because one day we ended up talking about middle names. My middle name is Edward, but that must have seemed too geeky to a pre-Twilight 13-year-old, so I told them it was Ed. They immediately started calling me Mr. Ed.
A few days later, they started calling me Horse, since Mr. Ed was a horse (of course). Keep in mind that these are my friends. This continued for only a few days, because then Jeff Hyde (the other "Jeff H") made the brilliant deduction that horses have hooves, "so we should call you Hoover!"
That is the actual story. I wish it was more interesting, but it's not. It has nothing to do with J. Edgar Hoover or Herbert Hoover (though the latter was once my neighbor). Sometimes people would ask where the name came from, and to save myself time I would tell them I was called Hoover because, like the vacuums, I sucked. But the true origin is exactly as I described it above.
By the end of 7th grade, maybe a dozen people were calling me Hoover, and it gre exponentially from there. By my junior year of high school, even most of my teachers called me Hoover (or some variation, like Hoov, Hoovity, or Hooverphonic). If someone called me Jeff, it was likely they didn't know me very well.
Names (and nicknames) are important--so much so that a name change is sometimes essential. Juliet was wrong about that whole rose thing--just check out the fifth sound clip on this page, or talk to any of these put-upon folks.
This week's Sunday School reading covers just four chapters, but discusses at least three people who changed their names. There's Simon, who was "nicknamed" Peter by Jesus; Saul, soon to be known as Paul; and a woman raised from the dead by Peter, who understandably went by Tabitha instead of her real name--Dorcas. Lots of good stuff here, so make some time to study this weekend.
Finally, while we're on this subject...here's a bit of Letterman-esque fun for you all:
TOP 10 NAMES LEAST LIKELY TO BE GIVEN TO MORMON CHILDREN
10. Gog
9. Magog
8. Jezebel
7. Lilburn
6. Laman
5. Barack
4. Potiphar's Wife
3. Korihor
2. Gadianton
1. Shiz
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Cult of personality
My friend Amy tipped me off about an interesting personality test you all should take. The free version is only 36 questions, so it won't take you very long. The full version has four times as many questions but costs ten bucks, so don't bother with that.
I've never really been into tests like this, but that's largely because none have ever described me as well as this one does (or at least as well as I think it does). Of the 9 Enneagram Types, I scored the highest on 7--the Enthusiast. Other than the stuff about manual dexterity, I feel the description is pretty spot on.
Some of the highlights:
--The Enthusiast's basic fear is "being deprived and in pain;" their basic desire is "to be satisfied and content--to have their needs fulfilled."
--This personality type is "enthusiastic about almost everything that catches their attention. They approach life like 'kids in a candy store'...they have a quality best described by the Yiddish word 'chutzpah'--a kind of brash 'nerviness.'"
--Sevens "foresee events and generate ideas 'on the fly,' favoring activities that stimulate their minds--which in turn generate more things to do and think about. Sevens are not necessarily intellectual or studious by any standard definition, although they are often intelligent and can be widely read and highly verbal. Their minds move rapidly from one idea to the next, making Sevens gifted at brainstorming and synthesizing information. Sevens are exhilarated by the rush of ideas and by the pleasure of being spontaneous, preferring broad overviews and the excitement of the initial stages of the creative process to probing a single topic in depth."
--"Sevens are frequently endowed with quick, agile minds, and can be exceptionally fast learners...ironically, Sevens' wide-ranging curiosity and ability to learn quickly can also create problems for them. Because they are able to pick up many different skills with relative ease, it becomes more difficult for them to decide what to do with themselves."
--The Enthusiast uses "the 'trial and error' method: they try everything to make sure they know what is best...they therefore tend to try everything--and ultimately may even resort to anything as a substitute for what they are really looking for...we can see this in action even in the most trivial areas of their daily lives. Unable to decide whether he wants vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry ice cream, a Seven will want all three flavors--just to be sure that he does not miss out on the 'right' choice."
--"Sevens are extremely optimistic people--exuberant and upbeat...they are naturally cheerful and good humored, not taking themselves too seriously, or anything else for that matter."
So what do you think? Is this me to a tee, or am I a bit delusional? And what number are you?
I've never really been into tests like this, but that's largely because none have ever described me as well as this one does (or at least as well as I think it does). Of the 9 Enneagram Types, I scored the highest on 7--the Enthusiast. Other than the stuff about manual dexterity, I feel the description is pretty spot on.
Some of the highlights:
--The Enthusiast's basic fear is "being deprived and in pain;" their basic desire is "to be satisfied and content--to have their needs fulfilled."
--This personality type is "enthusiastic about almost everything that catches their attention. They approach life like 'kids in a candy store'...they have a quality best described by the Yiddish word 'chutzpah'--a kind of brash 'nerviness.'"
--Sevens "foresee events and generate ideas 'on the fly,' favoring activities that stimulate their minds--which in turn generate more things to do and think about. Sevens are not necessarily intellectual or studious by any standard definition, although they are often intelligent and can be widely read and highly verbal. Their minds move rapidly from one idea to the next, making Sevens gifted at brainstorming and synthesizing information. Sevens are exhilarated by the rush of ideas and by the pleasure of being spontaneous, preferring broad overviews and the excitement of the initial stages of the creative process to probing a single topic in depth."
--"Sevens are frequently endowed with quick, agile minds, and can be exceptionally fast learners...ironically, Sevens' wide-ranging curiosity and ability to learn quickly can also create problems for them. Because they are able to pick up many different skills with relative ease, it becomes more difficult for them to decide what to do with themselves."
--The Enthusiast uses "the 'trial and error' method: they try everything to make sure they know what is best...they therefore tend to try everything--and ultimately may even resort to anything as a substitute for what they are really looking for...we can see this in action even in the most trivial areas of their daily lives. Unable to decide whether he wants vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry ice cream, a Seven will want all three flavors--just to be sure that he does not miss out on the 'right' choice."
--"Sevens are extremely optimistic people--exuberant and upbeat...they are naturally cheerful and good humored, not taking themselves too seriously, or anything else for that matter."
So what do you think? Is this me to a tee, or am I a bit delusional? And what number are you?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Gym class heroes
My sister's been dejunking lately, and I've been taking some of the better junk off her hands. One item that will likely be returning to the junk pile soon is a game called "Mormon Sports Trivia: 3,000 Sports Trivia Questions for Latter-day Saints."
I think 3,000 questions was about 2,800 too many, especially considering the game was released in 1985. That means no Ty Detmer, no 49ers-era Steve Young, no Shawn Bradley, no '02 Winter Olympics, no Church Ball references, and--gasp!--no Jimmer. He wasn't even born yet!
Instead we get hyper-specific questions like "What was running back Bill Ring awarded for being the most valuable BYU player in the Silk Bowl?" (A huge samurai helmet, but you already knew that.) Or inane queries like "All-American long jumper Jim Blaisdell won his honors competing for what university?" (The answer to this and about 98% of similarly worded questions is BYU.)
My sister said the only reason she owned the game was because there was a question about Star Orullian, a world-class softball player who became the gym teacher at our old junior high. As I read through the boring questions, my mind drifted, and I began reminiscing about my junior high PE experiences. Some highlights:
--The first sport we played in 7th grade was flag football, and I was randomly assigned to the same team as the legendary Landon Leblanc. We won the championship, beating every team in our class period as well as the best from other classes. I had very little to do with it. I remember catching a touchdown after the ball had bounced off of my head, but it's possible it was actually Trey Terry (the team's other coattail rider) that did that.
--The only other time I reached a championship game over the next three years was in 8th grade volleyball. I was actually probably the best player on the team, yet we managed to reach the finals before our title hopes were crushed.
--One time, I walked into the locker room during a before-school two-on-two basketball tournament, and saw two of my peers pull beers out of their lockers and chug. I was scandalized. They were both big guys, so I heeded their threats not to tell anyone. (Until now, I guess; I no longer fear repercussions from Chris and Josh. Bring it.)
--On the extremely rare occasions when someone would shower after gym class, we would heckle them mercilessly. I never showered after PE in three years at Riverview Junior High.
--I always did poorly on the Presidential Fitness Test, mainly because I have never in my life been able to do even one pull-up. I took some solace in realizing that then-President Clinton probably couldn't do one either.
--I was given the nickname Hoover in 7th grade, and it stuck with me through high school and beyond (I'm sure I'll eventually get around to blogging the Hoover origin story). In 8th grade gym, though, when Hoover was still picking up steam, I was given a new moniker by future NBA player Britton Johnsen. At that time, I was as tall as I am now, and very skinny (making the lack of pull-up prowess more embarrassing). I was very shy and rarely spoke or smiled. Combine that with my really-dark eyes, and perhaps you can see why Britton started calling me Lurch. It was done relatively good-naturedly, especially when I would say "You rang" for him and his buddies (I practiced my impression at home).
--The biggest thing to happen in PE that year, though, was the arrival of a real-life black person. We had very few minorities in our school, and those were mostly Hispanics and Asians. To help drive the point home, his name was Anthony Black. And he was from Compton. He was from the 'hood! We all sought his approval.
During that school year, the teachers started having us run a lot more and play sports a lot less. It was no fun, and we'd often try to talk our way out of running. I remember Anthony encouraging one of the teacher's pets to request that we hoop it up rather than jog. "Axe her. Axe the lady if we can ball." The lady in question was the aforementioned Ms. Orullian; I don't remember if she gave in to our pleading (unlikely), but I do remember how cool our new hero talked.
And that's the best segue I could come up with. This Sunday we move on from the four gospels and start studying the book of "Axe." Yes, this was in fact my weekly Sunday School post, the first original one I've written in three months. I'm clearly a little rusty. Maybe next week will be better. Until then, this is what I'll be studying. Why don't you join me? After you've finished your push ups, of course.
I think 3,000 questions was about 2,800 too many, especially considering the game was released in 1985. That means no Ty Detmer, no 49ers-era Steve Young, no Shawn Bradley, no '02 Winter Olympics, no Church Ball references, and--gasp!--no Jimmer. He wasn't even born yet!
Instead we get hyper-specific questions like "What was running back Bill Ring awarded for being the most valuable BYU player in the Silk Bowl?" (A huge samurai helmet, but you already knew that.) Or inane queries like "All-American long jumper Jim Blaisdell won his honors competing for what university?" (The answer to this and about 98% of similarly worded questions is BYU.)
My sister said the only reason she owned the game was because there was a question about Star Orullian, a world-class softball player who became the gym teacher at our old junior high. As I read through the boring questions, my mind drifted, and I began reminiscing about my junior high PE experiences. Some highlights:
--The first sport we played in 7th grade was flag football, and I was randomly assigned to the same team as the legendary Landon Leblanc. We won the championship, beating every team in our class period as well as the best from other classes. I had very little to do with it. I remember catching a touchdown after the ball had bounced off of my head, but it's possible it was actually Trey Terry (the team's other coattail rider) that did that.
--The only other time I reached a championship game over the next three years was in 8th grade volleyball. I was actually probably the best player on the team, yet we managed to reach the finals before our title hopes were crushed.
--One time, I walked into the locker room during a before-school two-on-two basketball tournament, and saw two of my peers pull beers out of their lockers and chug. I was scandalized. They were both big guys, so I heeded their threats not to tell anyone. (Until now, I guess; I no longer fear repercussions from Chris and Josh. Bring it.)
--On the extremely rare occasions when someone would shower after gym class, we would heckle them mercilessly. I never showered after PE in three years at Riverview Junior High.
--I always did poorly on the Presidential Fitness Test, mainly because I have never in my life been able to do even one pull-up. I took some solace in realizing that then-President Clinton probably couldn't do one either.
--I was given the nickname Hoover in 7th grade, and it stuck with me through high school and beyond (I'm sure I'll eventually get around to blogging the Hoover origin story). In 8th grade gym, though, when Hoover was still picking up steam, I was given a new moniker by future NBA player Britton Johnsen. At that time, I was as tall as I am now, and very skinny (making the lack of pull-up prowess more embarrassing). I was very shy and rarely spoke or smiled. Combine that with my really-dark eyes, and perhaps you can see why Britton started calling me Lurch. It was done relatively good-naturedly, especially when I would say "You rang" for him and his buddies (I practiced my impression at home).
--The biggest thing to happen in PE that year, though, was the arrival of a real-life black person. We had very few minorities in our school, and those were mostly Hispanics and Asians. To help drive the point home, his name was Anthony Black. And he was from Compton. He was from the 'hood! We all sought his approval.
During that school year, the teachers started having us run a lot more and play sports a lot less. It was no fun, and we'd often try to talk our way out of running. I remember Anthony encouraging one of the teacher's pets to request that we hoop it up rather than jog. "Axe her. Axe the lady if we can ball." The lady in question was the aforementioned Ms. Orullian; I don't remember if she gave in to our pleading (unlikely), but I do remember how cool our new hero talked.
And that's the best segue I could come up with. This Sunday we move on from the four gospels and start studying the book of "Axe." Yes, this was in fact my weekly Sunday School post, the first original one I've written in three months. I'm clearly a little rusty. Maybe next week will be better. Until then, this is what I'll be studying. Why don't you join me? After you've finished your push ups, of course.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wizards that peep and mutter
[Here's my final "retro" Sunday School post before I start writing new material again next week. If you want to study what I'm studying for this week's class, go here. The following was written and distributed to my congregation last November, on the eve of the HP 7.1 premiere. This seemed like a great time to revisit it.]
I bet a lot of you have been engaging in marathon Harry Potter
sessions lately, rereading the books, rewatching the movies, and
otherwise getting ready for the penultimate installment of the film
series, hitting theaters this weekend.
If you have, that's fantastic! That means you're well on your way to
being prepared for this week's Gospel Doctrine lesson. Seriously. Read
Ezekiel 37:1-17 and tell me JK Rowling didn't blatantly rip it off for
the final scenes of Goblet of Fire. Dry bones being covered with flesh
and skin? People coming out of graves? Two sticks becoming one? Come
on.
Makes you wonder what else from the wizarding world might be copied
from the scriptures. Is Hogwarts just a cheap ripoff of Solomon's
temple? Did the idea for Harry's miraculous childhood survival come
from baby Jesus escaping Herod? Could owls delivering letters be
prompted by Noah's dove? Is the Urim and Thummim the inspiration for
the Philosopher's (I'm an originalist) Stone?
There's more of Ezekiel to study this week, so don't spend too much
time pondering these things this week (unless you've got one of those
time turners like Hermione). Here's some info to guide your
preparation.
So study hard, enjoy the movie, and may the force be with you. Wait,
wrong franchise...
Jeff
I bet a lot of you have been engaging in marathon Harry Potter
sessions lately, rereading the books, rewatching the movies, and
otherwise getting ready for the penultimate installment of the film
series, hitting theaters this weekend.
If you have, that's fantastic! That means you're well on your way to
being prepared for this week's Gospel Doctrine lesson. Seriously. Read
Ezekiel 37:1-17 and tell me JK Rowling didn't blatantly rip it off for
the final scenes of Goblet of Fire. Dry bones being covered with flesh
and skin? People coming out of graves? Two sticks becoming one? Come
on.
Makes you wonder what else from the wizarding world might be copied
from the scriptures. Is Hogwarts just a cheap ripoff of Solomon's
temple? Did the idea for Harry's miraculous childhood survival come
from baby Jesus escaping Herod? Could owls delivering letters be
prompted by Noah's dove? Is the Urim and Thummim the inspiration for
the Philosopher's (I'm an originalist) Stone?
There's more of Ezekiel to study this week, so don't spend too much
time pondering these things this week (unless you've got one of those
time turners like Hermione). Here's some info to guide your
preparation.
So study hard, enjoy the movie, and may the force be with you. Wait,
wrong franchise...
Jeff
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Good luck charms
Those are my adorable nieces. Well, the girl in the middle isn't my niece, but she's adorable too. This picture was taken last Saturday at my brother's house. My sister-in-law entered a contest and won a Chick-fil-A party for 50 people, complete with their trademark cow and its passive-agressive signage. There's nothing I like more than free chicken delivered by giant advertising mascots, so I was bummed that I couldn't be there (I've been having car troubles and my brother lives about two hours away).
This impressive win was nothing new for my sister-in-law. She's always entering contests, and frequently winning them. Once I got a DVD in the mail with no explanation (I think it was the non-extended version of The Two Towers). A couple of months later I finally learned that she had entered a contest several times and entered different names and addresses because she kept winning.
Her biggest prize: a week-long trip for the whole family to the Cayman Islands, won from Nickelodeon. People do actually win those contests.
My mom is no slouch when it comes to contest victories either. She's won $100 from various radio stations about a half-dozen times in the last two years. I remember a time when I was a kid when she won radio cash and used it on this. It was awesome.
Mom also kicks butt on those arcade claw games. She seriously grabs a stuffed animal at least once out of every three times she plays, and then has cool stuff to give to those cuties above and her other grandkids. She's no Buster Bluth, but she's very impressive.
I'm not without my share of prize-winning performances, either. A few years ago I won $1000 in a radio contest, much of which I spent on my increasingly-obsolete laptop. As an intern in New York in '03, I was the right caller for tickets to a Dan Akroyd-Jim Belushi concert at the China Club (sidenote: Blogger's spellchecker marks Akroyd as a typo but recognizes Belushi).
Also, as a kid, I won tickets to a sneak preview of The Little Mermaid thanks to my standout work in an Albertson's coloring contest. However, I pretended to be sick so I could stay home from the movie and watch WWF Superstars of Wrestling because there was going to be a test of strength between Ultimate Warrior and Dino Bravo, and back then something of that significance only happened on Superstars about three times a year. I clearly made the right decision.
So yeah...us Hofmanns are pretty lucky. Next time you have a big test or job interview or something coming up, feel free to come over and rub my belly. If that still doesn't help, my mom will probably have a plush toy of some kind to console you with.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Superfan Intervention
[Here is another of the weekly emails I sent my church congregation during the nine or so months I served as Sunday School president. I'll run another from the archives next week, thenhave all new material the following week. If you want to study what I'm studying this week, go here.
The following was written in late January, when Jimmer-mania was really starting to extend beyond Utah and infecting the entire nation. I chose to post this one now because Jimmer is less than a week away from winning "Best Male College Athlete" at the ESPYs. Go Jimmer!]
"I was at the BYU game last night. Back row of the Marriott Center, but
I was there. It was so loud and so fun. I understand I missed quite a
party at the Larsens as well.
I know there were others from our ward who made the trek down to Provo
for the big game. One in particular who I know had a much better seat
than me is Trent Boulter. Trent's gaining celebrity status as a Cougar
superfan. Check out the body of evidence (thanks to Matt Piccolo for
posting these on the ward Facebook group).
Pretty impressive, no? Trent, I admire your passion, and am in
complete agreement with you on the team and superduperstar you have
chosen to support. But I feel compelled to urge you to be careful. It
is possible for superfandom to spin out of control.
I know of which I speak. Exhibit A: this poster (invoking Trent's
granddaddy, no less) I made while living in New York for the girl I
liked at the time, who was competing in the finals of the stake ping
pong tournament.
We did end up going on one date, but shortly after she moved to
Seattle. She says it was for grad school, but the conspiracy theorist
in me says she wanted to get as far away from me as possible.
A bigger cautionary tale is the story of Rainbow Man, the original
superfan. Read about him here.
Weird, eh? So Trent, keep doing what you do. Just try not to go crazy.
The four of you who are still reading at this point are probably
asking, "What does this have to do with Sunday School?" Well, this
week the lesson covers John 3:16, which thanks in part to Rainbow
Man's work is likely the world's most well-known scripture. Read it,
and study this.
See you all Sunday! And go Jimmer!
Jeff"
The following was written in late January, when Jimmer-mania was really starting to extend beyond Utah and infecting the entire nation. I chose to post this one now because Jimmer is less than a week away from winning "Best Male College Athlete" at the ESPYs. Go Jimmer!]
"I was at the BYU game last night. Back row of the Marriott Center, but
I was there. It was so loud and so fun. I understand I missed quite a
party at the Larsens as well.
I know there were others from our ward who made the trek down to Provo
for the big game. One in particular who I know had a much better seat
than me is Trent Boulter. Trent's gaining celebrity status as a Cougar
superfan. Check out the body of evidence (thanks to Matt Piccolo for
posting these on the ward Facebook group).
Pretty impressive, no? Trent, I admire your passion, and am in
complete agreement with you on the team and superduperstar you have
chosen to support. But I feel compelled to urge you to be careful. It
is possible for superfandom to spin out of control.
I know of which I speak. Exhibit A: this poster (invoking Trent's
granddaddy, no less) I made while living in New York for the girl I
liked at the time, who was competing in the finals of the stake ping
pong tournament.
We did end up going on one date, but shortly after she moved to
Seattle. She says it was for grad school, but the conspiracy theorist
in me says she wanted to get as far away from me as possible.
A bigger cautionary tale is the story of Rainbow Man, the original
superfan. Read about him here.
Weird, eh? So Trent, keep doing what you do. Just try not to go crazy.
The four of you who are still reading at this point are probably
asking, "What does this have to do with Sunday School?" Well, this
week the lesson covers John 3:16, which thanks in part to Rainbow
Man's work is likely the world's most well-known scripture. Read it,
and study this.
See you all Sunday! And go Jimmer!
Jeff"
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Decade of Disquiet
July 4th was kind of weird for me this year. In part, it's because jingoism generally rubs me the wrong way. I'm certainly grateful to be an American, but am not "traditionally" patriotic. But that's a topic for another time, and likely not a topic for this blog.
The main reason it was weird, the reason I'm feeling all contemplative, the reason this blog post is more journal entry and less humor column, is that July 4th marked ten years since I returned home from my LDS mission to Scotland.
Ten years. A whole decade. That's a long time. And when I think back to what I was like back in 2001, and where I expected my life to be in 2011, it's clear that in some respects I've underachieved, that I'm living well below my privileges.
I certainly don't consider myself a failure; there are many things I've accomplished, many things I've experienced, many people I've met, etc., that have brought me incredible satisfaction and happiness over the years. And it's not lost on me that some of these likely wouldn't have happened if things I describe below had gone differently. But today I'm focusing on my regrets and shortcomings.
One big regret I have is how poorly I've kept in touch with people over the last decade. Every July 4th, I make a joke that in 2001 I had my personal Independence Day, escaping from the shackles of missionary life, but in reality I loved my two years in Scotland, and was sad to have to leave the people there. There were probably at least two dozen people (fellow missionaries and native Scots) I assumed I would stay in close contact with for the rest of my life.
But that hasn't happened. Email was unfortunately not quite ubiquitous yet by the end of my mission, or I probably would've done better. But I've been very neglectful, and not just to friends from my mission. Relationships with too many extended family, high school friends, Provo friends, improv friends, and New York friends have faded or even disappeared completely, no matter how much time I spend on Facebook.
That aside, there are two areas of my current life that 2001 Jeff would probably be pretty surprised about: dating/marriage and career. Those are some moderately important areas.
I've never been the type to set a lot of specific goals (that's likely contributed to some of my frustrations), but when I returned from Scotland I had some assumptions about what would happen in the next few years. I figured I'd be the type of RM that gets married within a year or two, and I anticipated that after college I'd be "discovered" somehow, and work in some kind of fun broadcasting position (sportscaster, DJ, game show host, etc.). These things didn't happen.
More specifically on marriage...I recognize that I don't have total control over this, but I have much more control than I've exercised. I go through stretches where I try to date a lot, but even longer stretches where I don't date at all. As a result I've never even been close to getting married, never had a very serious relationship. (Considering how bummed out I've been on more than one occasion when a girl rejected me after just two or three dates, this might not be all bad.)
So why don't I date more? Mainly, it's a potent mix of fear and laziness. It's not a fear of commitment; it's mainly a fear of the awkward phone call to ask someone out, and some fear of rejection. Laziness is the bigger issue--it's so much easier not to date, to stay in my various ruts. I'm not afraid of marriage; it's something I really want, and that I feel--I hope--that I'm ready for. The fact that I've been home from my mission for a decade and am still single is not the end of the world, but reflecting on the last ten years I definitely regret not consistently making this more of a priority.
The biggest disappointments, though, are those relating to my career. Mainly, I'm disappointed that I don't really have a career. You see, I'm really, really, really smart. I'm not as humble as I should be, but I'm smart. Maybe even brilliant. I've been blessed with some pretty amazing intellectual gifts and talents, and it's been baffling to me why, since college, I've gone through two separate months-long periods of unemployment, and the jobs I've eventually found are low-paying entry level positions that didn't require a college degree.
I say it's been baffling, but I know a few reasons that have contributed to the situation I find myself in now. For starters, I probably chose the wrong major. My college experience was phenomenal, and I love my classes and professors. But I was never really interested in the latter half of "Broadcast Journalism," and haven't really pursued a career in "my field" since the Marie and Friends show was canceled in late 2004. A new major was created my last year at BYU that matches up better with my interests and aptitudes, but I didn't really want to start over.
Probably the biggest contributing factor is complacency. The job search process is so demoralizing that, once I find a job, I generally shudder at the thought of continuing to look for something better. I worked for a company in Provo for over three years because it was "good enough," even though I often didn't enjoy my work and there was virtually no room for advancement. But it paid my bills and was far better than being unemployed. Similarly, complacency is likely the main reason I've never returned to school since graduating in 2004, even though I've thought about it at least semi-regularly since about 2006.
I also would describe my job interview skills as below average, and I've had more than a little bad luck (such as breaking out of my complacency rut to move to New York and look for a job, only to have my gall bladder explode a few weeks later, and then the economy exploded a few weeks after that). Whatever the ultimate cause(s), over the last decade I've basically been floating from job to job rather than pursuing a career that will provide fulfillment and stability and allow me to provide for a family. (My lack of career success has likely had a bigger impact on my lack of commitment to dating than I consciously realize.)
In writing this, I'm not looking for sympathy. Mostly, my life is very, very good, and the last decade has been the best one of my life. Writing this out has been cathartic for me. Most of my regrets and shortcomings have been caused by my own inaction, and a big reason I'm posting this publicly is to (hopefully) motivate myself to overcome my complacency and achieve the things I know I can.
So I think this is plenty for now...I'll get back to my usual blogging style soon, I promise. But even someone like me has to be serious sometimes. Once every ten years sounds just about right.
The main reason it was weird, the reason I'm feeling all contemplative, the reason this blog post is more journal entry and less humor column, is that July 4th marked ten years since I returned home from my LDS mission to Scotland.
Ten years. A whole decade. That's a long time. And when I think back to what I was like back in 2001, and where I expected my life to be in 2011, it's clear that in some respects I've underachieved, that I'm living well below my privileges.
I certainly don't consider myself a failure; there are many things I've accomplished, many things I've experienced, many people I've met, etc., that have brought me incredible satisfaction and happiness over the years. And it's not lost on me that some of these likely wouldn't have happened if things I describe below had gone differently. But today I'm focusing on my regrets and shortcomings.
One big regret I have is how poorly I've kept in touch with people over the last decade. Every July 4th, I make a joke that in 2001 I had my personal Independence Day, escaping from the shackles of missionary life, but in reality I loved my two years in Scotland, and was sad to have to leave the people there. There were probably at least two dozen people (fellow missionaries and native Scots) I assumed I would stay in close contact with for the rest of my life.
But that hasn't happened. Email was unfortunately not quite ubiquitous yet by the end of my mission, or I probably would've done better. But I've been very neglectful, and not just to friends from my mission. Relationships with too many extended family, high school friends, Provo friends, improv friends, and New York friends have faded or even disappeared completely, no matter how much time I spend on Facebook.
That aside, there are two areas of my current life that 2001 Jeff would probably be pretty surprised about: dating/marriage and career. Those are some moderately important areas.
I've never been the type to set a lot of specific goals (that's likely contributed to some of my frustrations), but when I returned from Scotland I had some assumptions about what would happen in the next few years. I figured I'd be the type of RM that gets married within a year or two, and I anticipated that after college I'd be "discovered" somehow, and work in some kind of fun broadcasting position (sportscaster, DJ, game show host, etc.). These things didn't happen.
More specifically on marriage...I recognize that I don't have total control over this, but I have much more control than I've exercised. I go through stretches where I try to date a lot, but even longer stretches where I don't date at all. As a result I've never even been close to getting married, never had a very serious relationship. (Considering how bummed out I've been on more than one occasion when a girl rejected me after just two or three dates, this might not be all bad.)
So why don't I date more? Mainly, it's a potent mix of fear and laziness. It's not a fear of commitment; it's mainly a fear of the awkward phone call to ask someone out, and some fear of rejection. Laziness is the bigger issue--it's so much easier not to date, to stay in my various ruts. I'm not afraid of marriage; it's something I really want, and that I feel--I hope--that I'm ready for. The fact that I've been home from my mission for a decade and am still single is not the end of the world, but reflecting on the last ten years I definitely regret not consistently making this more of a priority.
The biggest disappointments, though, are those relating to my career. Mainly, I'm disappointed that I don't really have a career. You see, I'm really, really, really smart. I'm not as humble as I should be, but I'm smart. Maybe even brilliant. I've been blessed with some pretty amazing intellectual gifts and talents, and it's been baffling to me why, since college, I've gone through two separate months-long periods of unemployment, and the jobs I've eventually found are low-paying entry level positions that didn't require a college degree.
I say it's been baffling, but I know a few reasons that have contributed to the situation I find myself in now. For starters, I probably chose the wrong major. My college experience was phenomenal, and I love my classes and professors. But I was never really interested in the latter half of "Broadcast Journalism," and haven't really pursued a career in "my field" since the Marie and Friends show was canceled in late 2004. A new major was created my last year at BYU that matches up better with my interests and aptitudes, but I didn't really want to start over.
Probably the biggest contributing factor is complacency. The job search process is so demoralizing that, once I find a job, I generally shudder at the thought of continuing to look for something better. I worked for a company in Provo for over three years because it was "good enough," even though I often didn't enjoy my work and there was virtually no room for advancement. But it paid my bills and was far better than being unemployed. Similarly, complacency is likely the main reason I've never returned to school since graduating in 2004, even though I've thought about it at least semi-regularly since about 2006.
I also would describe my job interview skills as below average, and I've had more than a little bad luck (such as breaking out of my complacency rut to move to New York and look for a job, only to have my gall bladder explode a few weeks later, and then the economy exploded a few weeks after that). Whatever the ultimate cause(s), over the last decade I've basically been floating from job to job rather than pursuing a career that will provide fulfillment and stability and allow me to provide for a family. (My lack of career success has likely had a bigger impact on my lack of commitment to dating than I consciously realize.)
In writing this, I'm not looking for sympathy. Mostly, my life is very, very good, and the last decade has been the best one of my life. Writing this out has been cathartic for me. Most of my regrets and shortcomings have been caused by my own inaction, and a big reason I'm posting this publicly is to (hopefully) motivate myself to overcome my complacency and achieve the things I know I can.
So I think this is plenty for now...I'll get back to my usual blogging style soon, I promise. But even someone like me has to be serious sometimes. Once every ten years sounds just about right.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Hoffmann of the Month: July
The Hoffmann of the Month for July is the late radical activist Abbie Hoffman. It was only a few years ago that I learned that Abbie was actually a man. I disagree with many of his ideas and ideals and even more with his methods, but here are my reasons for choosing Mr. Hoffman:
1) His most famous work, Steal This Book, was first published 40 years ago. That seems at least somewhat momentous.
2) He appeared in the movie Born on the Fourth of July, and while that film is certainly not as traditionally patriotic as its name may imply, if Abbie was ever going to win this prestigious monthly title, this seems like good timing for it.
3) He's been or will be portrayed in movies by, among others, Vincent D'Onofrio, Hank Azaria, and Borat.
4) But his most impressive pop culture contribution--and really my ultimate reason for choosing him--is being referenced in the greatest monologue in television history.
Congratulations Abbie!
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