Gym class heroes

My sister's been dejunking lately, and I've been taking some of the better junk off her hands. One item that will likely be returning to the junk pile soon is a game called "Mormon Sports Trivia: 3,000 Sports Trivia Questions for Latter-day Saints."

I think 3,000 questions was about 2,800 too many, especially considering the game was released in 1985. That means no Ty Detmer, no 49ers-era Steve Young, no Shawn Bradley, no '02 Winter Olympics, no Church Ball references, and--gasp!--no Jimmer. He wasn't even born yet!

Instead we get hyper-specific questions like "What was running back Bill Ring awarded for being the most valuable BYU player in the Silk Bowl?" (A huge samurai helmet, but you already knew that.) Or inane queries like "All-American long jumper Jim Blaisdell won his honors competing for what university?" (The answer to this and about 98% of similarly worded questions is BYU.)

My sister said the only reason she owned the game was because there was a question about Star Orullian, a world-class softball player who became the gym teacher at our old junior high. As I read through the boring questions, my mind drifted, and I began reminiscing about my junior high PE experiences. Some highlights:

--The first sport we played in 7th grade was flag football, and I was randomly assigned to the same team as the legendary Landon Leblanc. We won the championship, beating every team in our class period as well as the best from other classes. I had very little to do with it. I remember catching a touchdown after the ball had bounced off of my head, but it's possible it was actually Trey Terry (the team's other coattail rider) that did that.

--The only other time I reached a championship game over the next three years was in 8th grade volleyball. I was actually probably the best player on the team, yet we managed to reach the finals before our title hopes were crushed.

--One time, I walked into the locker room during a before-school two-on-two basketball tournament, and saw two of my peers pull beers out of their lockers and chug. I was scandalized. They were both big guys, so I heeded their threats not to tell anyone. (Until now, I guess; I no longer fear repercussions from Chris and Josh. Bring it.)

--On the extremely rare occasions when someone would shower after gym class, we would heckle them mercilessly. I never showered after PE in three years at Riverview Junior High.

--I always did poorly on the Presidential Fitness Test, mainly because I have never in my life been able to do even one pull-up. I took some solace in realizing that then-President Clinton probably couldn't do one either.

--I was given the nickname Hoover in 7th grade, and it stuck with me through high school and beyond (I'm sure I'll eventually get around to blogging the Hoover origin story). In 8th grade gym, though, when Hoover was still picking up steam, I was given a new moniker by future NBA player Britton Johnsen. At that time, I was as tall as I am now, and very skinny (making the lack of pull-up prowess more embarrassing). I was very shy and rarely spoke or smiled. Combine that with my really-dark eyes, and perhaps you can see why Britton started calling me Lurch. It was done relatively good-naturedly, especially when I would say "You rang" for him and his buddies (I practiced my impression at home).

--The biggest thing to happen in PE that year, though, was the arrival of a real-life black person. We had very few minorities in our school, and those were mostly Hispanics and Asians. To help drive the point home, his name was Anthony Black. And he was from Compton. He was from the 'hood! We all sought his approval.

During that school year, the teachers started having us run a lot more and play sports a lot less. It was no fun, and we'd often try to talk our way out of running. I remember Anthony encouraging one of the teacher's pets to request that we hoop it up rather than jog. "Axe her. Axe the lady if we can ball." The lady in question was the aforementioned Ms. Orullian; I don't remember if she gave in to our pleading (unlikely), but I do remember how cool our new hero talked.

And that's the best segue I could come up with. This Sunday we move on from the four gospels and start studying the book of "Axe." Yes, this was in fact my weekly Sunday School post, the first original one I've written in three months. I'm clearly a little rusty. Maybe next week will be better. Until then, this is what I'll be studying. Why don't you join me? After you've finished your push ups, of course.