In a few days I will announce a new winner of the "Hoffmann of the Month" title, which as you know is the prestigious award I present monthly to a deserving Hofman, Hoffman, Hofmann, or Hoffmann. I hope that the inclusivity of this award hasn't given the wrong impression. While I welcome all variant spellings under the umbrella of my surname, that is not the case for my first name.
I bring this up because some guy named Jef Holm was the last man standing on the most recent season of The Bachelorette. There's a lot of overlap between the two of us--both Mormon guys from Utah, many of the same letters in the same order in our first and last names, and we both are the most desirable bachelor in pretty much any group of fellas.
But spelling Jeff with one F? Come on. I can't imagine his parents named him that, or taught him to spell it that way when he was a kid. No, I'm sure his name is Jeff or Jeffery, but spelling his name with one F is part of his carefully crafted image, just like his hair or his skateboard arrival on the Bachelorette premiere.
Still, I'm glad he won. Because that makes him a celebrity. And Mormons LOVE talking about Mormon celebrities. We love to say "That guy's a Mormon," or "I heard so-and-so is a Mormon." Whether or not they practice the religion is irrelevant in these kinds of discussions, other than as a detail to add to the conversation: "she was raised as a Mormon, but I hear she's pretty anti now." Stuff like that.
Because there weren't that many "big name" LDS celebrities (although there's more than you think; I love that that slideshow links more than once to this Daily Universe article--the date, topic, and writing style indicate that the DU must have been trying to find the next Eric Snider), us Mormons used to have to make up stuff, like the tall tales of Steve Martin wearing a CTR ring on Letterman, Yoda being based on Spencer W. Kimball, or candid airplane conversations with Mick Jagger. But now, thanks to reality TV, there's a slew of new Mormon celebs.
The trailblazer in this genre, of course, was Julie Stoffer, whose stint on The Real World got her kicked out of BYU but earned her a permanent spot in LDS folklore. Since then, Mormons seem to have taken a disproportionate number of spots in TV competition shows. (I'm not talking about game shows, though our clean-cut image and ability to be super enthusiastic without the aid of alcohol makes us a natural fit there, too. As a resident of Murray, Utah, who became the greatest Jeopardy! contestant ever, Ken Jennings stole my dream life way more than Jef Holm did.)
My favorite reality show, So You Think You Can Dance, was won by a Mormon (Benji Schwimmer) in season 2 (again, their current church status rarely stops me and most Mormons from claiming them as "our" celebrities), and in season 3 the winner was a Utahn (though not LDS, I'm pretty sure) and Benji's sister was a finalist. In nine seasons there have probably been at least a dozen Mormons who have made it to the voting rounds, including a couple in the current season.
The most watched reality shows are often well-stocked with Mormons. Dancing With the Stars has featured tons of Mormon professionals, including a few who came over from SYTYCD. The show's contestants have included the world's best-known Mormon celebs, Donny and Marie Osmond. Survivor has crowned one Mormon winner (Todd Herzog), one Mormon runner-up (Neleh "Oh my heck" Dennis), and one really annoying girl I had classes with at BYU (Ashlee Ashby). A bunch of Mormons have graced the American Idol stage, most notably David Archuleta. Over the years, Mormons have peppered the cast of The Voice, the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise, Amazing race, and more.
Speaking of pepper...I don't watch The Biggest Loser or any of those cooking reality shows, but knowing my church's affinity for refreshments, I'm confident Mormons have made their presence felt on those shows as well.
Clearly, many Mormons (myself certainly included) are quite passionate about identifying celebrities amongst our ranks. This is interesting, because perhaps the strongest Mormon connection made by Jeff-with-one-F on The Bachelorette this season came when he advised that he and Emily the Bachelorette bridle their passions. As many have pointed out, Jef was paraphrasing Alma's counsel to his son Shiblon, which as luck would have it is featured in the scripture block for this week's Sunday School lesson! I'm posting this late Saturday night, so it's unlikely anyone will have time to read these chapters before class, but you should all study them. Some really good stuff there.
Anyway, Jef, thanks for giving me a good news peg for this week's post. And thanks for setting a pretty good example to America, seeing as how you're our current big Mormon reality star. Just add another friggin' F to the end of your name, and I'll be your biggest fan.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
If you build it...
I get about 90% of my political news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (the other 10% comes from Facebook memes). Both shows were back on the air this week after a two-week break, so politics has been on my mind slightly more than usual the last few days. I emphasize the "slightly," as evidenced by the half-baked nature of this week's BASOTRUSSL.
Actually, calling it half-baked is giving it too much credit. This is like taking something out of the freezer and sticking it in the oven for 35 minutes, except you forgot to turn the oven on. It's a partly-defrosted idea. But it's the best I could come up with for this week. Anyway...
If Rush Limbaugh can pretend that the new Batman movie is a left-wing conspiracy and keep a straight face, then maybe I can convince people that the narrative from this week's Sunday School lesson is a thinly veiled metaphor of the pretended injustices Mitt Romney's "evil" 1% inflict on Obama's 99.
The prideful Zoramites and their Rameumptom proved to be unfruitful targets for Alma and his fellow missionaries, so they began teaching the poor people of the city. They had been kicked out of the Zoramites' houses of worship due to their poverty, even though they themselves had "labored abundantly to build [them] with [their] own hands" (Alma 32:5). In other words, they were saying to the rich, "you didn't build that!"
(I'm clearly joking around here, but it's kinda crazy to me that people are soooooo worked up about that line from the President's recent speech. It's true his word choice was poor--he should've added "on your own" at the end of the offending sentence. If you read the full speech, he makes that clear in the very next paragraph. The part in question is near the end.)
Alma then teaches the poverty-stricken to plant seeds, and to experiment. You know who likes to plant things? Michelle Obama. Do you know the name of the seed of an oak tree? How about an ACORN? And do you know who once experimented? One Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, that's who. Alma was clearly a liberal crusader.
It gets worse...in the next chapter, Alma recounts the tale of Moses, who offered healing to all his people if they would look at his rod, which had a serpent on it (see Alma 33:19-20; Num. 21:6-9). A snake on a pole? Sounds familiar. Free, universal healthcare? That sounds familiar too. Who knew Alma was such a socialist?
Naturally, the poor people latch onto these pro-big-government philosophies, so much so that the ruling elite becomes worried. They were worried because Alma's teachings "did destroy their craft" (Alma 35:3). So, they "found out privily the minds of all the people" (Alma 35:5), and exile all of the poor believers. "You people have got to go," they said.
And go they did. But the 1% wasn't satisfied--they wanted those who were different than them to die. But they no longer had anyone around who was willing to serve in the military, so they outsourced the army (see Alma 35:10-13). The rich are great at outsourcing, of course.
That Rush Limbaugh is on to something. Falsely interpreting texts as a wider left-wing conspiracy is pretty fun. Over the course of writing that, I think it actually reached half-baked status after all, maybe more. If anyone else can come up with the fully cooked version I'll gladly read it. In the meantime, you ought to read these chapters in Alma--there's some real faith-strengthening stuff that I completely ignored here.
Actually, calling it half-baked is giving it too much credit. This is like taking something out of the freezer and sticking it in the oven for 35 minutes, except you forgot to turn the oven on. It's a partly-defrosted idea. But it's the best I could come up with for this week. Anyway...
If Rush Limbaugh can pretend that the new Batman movie is a left-wing conspiracy and keep a straight face, then maybe I can convince people that the narrative from this week's Sunday School lesson is a thinly veiled metaphor of the pretended injustices Mitt Romney's "evil" 1% inflict on Obama's 99.
The prideful Zoramites and their Rameumptom proved to be unfruitful targets for Alma and his fellow missionaries, so they began teaching the poor people of the city. They had been kicked out of the Zoramites' houses of worship due to their poverty, even though they themselves had "labored abundantly to build [them] with [their] own hands" (Alma 32:5). In other words, they were saying to the rich, "you didn't build that!"
(I'm clearly joking around here, but it's kinda crazy to me that people are soooooo worked up about that line from the President's recent speech. It's true his word choice was poor--he should've added "on your own" at the end of the offending sentence. If you read the full speech, he makes that clear in the very next paragraph. The part in question is near the end.)
Alma then teaches the poverty-stricken to plant seeds, and to experiment. You know who likes to plant things? Michelle Obama. Do you know the name of the seed of an oak tree? How about an ACORN? And do you know who once experimented? One Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, that's who. Alma was clearly a liberal crusader.
It gets worse...in the next chapter, Alma recounts the tale of Moses, who offered healing to all his people if they would look at his rod, which had a serpent on it (see Alma 33:19-20; Num. 21:6-9). A snake on a pole? Sounds familiar. Free, universal healthcare? That sounds familiar too. Who knew Alma was such a socialist?
Naturally, the poor people latch onto these pro-big-government philosophies, so much so that the ruling elite becomes worried. They were worried because Alma's teachings "did destroy their craft" (Alma 35:3). So, they "found out privily the minds of all the people" (Alma 35:5), and exile all of the poor believers. "You people have got to go," they said.
And go they did. But the 1% wasn't satisfied--they wanted those who were different than them to die. But they no longer had anyone around who was willing to serve in the military, so they outsourced the army (see Alma 35:10-13). The rich are great at outsourcing, of course.
That Rush Limbaugh is on to something. Falsely interpreting texts as a wider left-wing conspiracy is pretty fun. Over the course of writing that, I think it actually reached half-baked status after all, maybe more. If anyone else can come up with the fully cooked version I'll gladly read it. In the meantime, you ought to read these chapters in Alma--there's some real faith-strengthening stuff that I completely ignored here.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Girth-am City
[In anticipation of the release of The Dark Knight Rises, here is a post from my old blog that I originally published on the release date of the last installment, July 18, 2008 (one link has been updated). I've also written about Batman before on this blog. Check them out!]
The Dark Knight opens today, and I'm pretty excited to see it tonight. Batman is my favorite movie franchise, but I'm not the type of fan to wear a costume to a midnight showing. I had no problem donning the tights for Halloween '03, however, even though it looks like I ate Robin.
Even though I look like George Clooney, and I've really enjoyed every non-Clooney Batman movie that's been made in my lifetime, when it comes to costumes, the Adam West version is clearly the way to go. A friend pointed out that I have no shark repellent on my utility belt, but other than that I think I pull it off pretty well--and even though my physique isn't great, this doesn't look good on anybody.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Blessed are the meek
This week's Sunday School curriculum includes the story of the Rameumptom, the tower used by a group of apostate Nephites to deliver blasphemous and arrogant prayers. It's a short scripture block, so even though this is going up on Saturday you should still have plenty of time to study up. Then, come back here and check out the videos for some of my all-time favorite boastful songs.
(Videos with a * next to them may not be appropriate for all audiences.)
WE RULE THE EARTH, The Party Posse
It's hard to find good "Simpsons" clips online. Any time I want to add one to a blog post, I usually spend 30 minutes looking for one and if I find anything it's really low quality, like the clip above. You can also watch this one, which is even lower quality but includes the boys' initial aversion to boastfulness before caving in.
U CAN'T TOUCH THIS, MC Hammer
Not as boastful as some of the other songs here, but I included it because he thanks the Lord for making him awesome, just like the Zoramites on the Rameumptom. Also, those pants.
I'M TOO SEXY, Right Said Fred
If you interviewed people "Family Feud" style and asked them what was the most boastful song of all time, I be this would be the top answer.
SEXY BOY, Shawn Michaels
Similar in content and tone to Right Said Fred. In case you can't tell from the slide show, this is the entrance theme for now-retired WWE Superstar Shawn Michaels, one of the only times a wrestler has sung his own theme song. As a high school senior, a few friends and I choreographed a routine to this song for our modern dance class.
MILKSHAKE, Kelis *
Braggadocio is not just restricted to men. Remember to watch out for the videos with a *.
(Halftime! This list is for boastful songs I like--but feel free to check out some incredibly conceited songs that I don't like, such as "Fergalicious*," "Don't Cha*," and "We Are The Champions" (I love Queen, but it's too overplayed). You're also welcome to suggest songs I overlooked in the comments.)
EXTRAORDINARY, Liz Phair
Does Liz Phair still release music? This is from the era when she "sold out" and lost her "indie cred" (I ought to do a post soon on why I would use quotes around phrases like that), but I enjoyed her ultra-commercial pop. Plus she's quite attractive, though I always feel a little weird thinking about that because she looks just like my friend Evelyn, who is good-looking but is also married with several children.
I KNOW I GOT SKILLZ, Shaquille O'Neal
I HATE 2 BRAG, Shaquille O'Neal
I'M OUTSTANDING, Shaquille O'Neal
Ah, the holy trinity of Shaquille O'Neal bragging. These were all included on Shaq's debut album. Several feature the legendary Def Jef, the original "Jef with one F" (take that, guy from The Bachelorette). It's impossible to choose the most ridiculous lyric from this collection, but for now I'll go with "Yo it's 1993, I mean nineteen-ninety-Shaq, whatever year it is, the Shaq will never slack." Amazing.
YOU'RE THE BEST, Joe Esposito
This is actually someone else telling Daniel-San that he's the best, but since we never see Joe Esposito I like to imagine the All-Valley Karate Tournament competitors singing this to themselves. Plus it's one of the greatest sports movie montages ever.
#1, Nelly *
I bet Nelly would wear one of those "#1 Dad" t-shirts. Unironically.
GIRLFRIEND, Avril Lavigne
One of the most viewed YouTube videos of all-time. More of a specific boast ("I'm better than your girlfriend") than a general one ("I'm better than everyone") employed by many of these songs, but I included it because I think the video is funny, and it's the only time I've been attracted to Ms. Lavigne.
THE WORLD'S GREATEST, R. Kelly
A surprisingly low-key video, considering the lyrics and especially considering R. Kelly's penchant for over-the-top weirdness.
GASTON, Gaston, Lefou and others
Perhaps the very best of the "I'm the very best" songs. Every last inch of him's covered with hair.
One last clip before I go...not a song, but one of the funniest examples of bragging, ever. See you in Sunday School!
(Videos with a * next to them may not be appropriate for all audiences.)
WE RULE THE EARTH, The Party Posse
It's hard to find good "Simpsons" clips online. Any time I want to add one to a blog post, I usually spend 30 minutes looking for one and if I find anything it's really low quality, like the clip above. You can also watch this one, which is even lower quality but includes the boys' initial aversion to boastfulness before caving in.
U CAN'T TOUCH THIS, MC Hammer
Not as boastful as some of the other songs here, but I included it because he thanks the Lord for making him awesome, just like the Zoramites on the Rameumptom. Also, those pants.
I'M TOO SEXY, Right Said Fred
If you interviewed people "Family Feud" style and asked them what was the most boastful song of all time, I be this would be the top answer.
SEXY BOY, Shawn Michaels
Similar in content and tone to Right Said Fred. In case you can't tell from the slide show, this is the entrance theme for now-retired WWE Superstar Shawn Michaels, one of the only times a wrestler has sung his own theme song. As a high school senior, a few friends and I choreographed a routine to this song for our modern dance class.
MILKSHAKE, Kelis *
Braggadocio is not just restricted to men. Remember to watch out for the videos with a *.
(Halftime! This list is for boastful songs I like--but feel free to check out some incredibly conceited songs that I don't like, such as "Fergalicious*," "Don't Cha*," and "We Are The Champions" (I love Queen, but it's too overplayed). You're also welcome to suggest songs I overlooked in the comments.)
EXTRAORDINARY, Liz Phair
Does Liz Phair still release music? This is from the era when she "sold out" and lost her "indie cred" (I ought to do a post soon on why I would use quotes around phrases like that), but I enjoyed her ultra-commercial pop. Plus she's quite attractive, though I always feel a little weird thinking about that because she looks just like my friend Evelyn, who is good-looking but is also married with several children.
I KNOW I GOT SKILLZ, Shaquille O'Neal
I HATE 2 BRAG, Shaquille O'Neal
I'M OUTSTANDING, Shaquille O'Neal
Ah, the holy trinity of Shaquille O'Neal bragging. These were all included on Shaq's debut album. Several feature the legendary Def Jef, the original "Jef with one F" (take that, guy from The Bachelorette). It's impossible to choose the most ridiculous lyric from this collection, but for now I'll go with "Yo it's 1993, I mean nineteen-ninety-Shaq, whatever year it is, the Shaq will never slack." Amazing.
YOU'RE THE BEST, Joe Esposito
This is actually someone else telling Daniel-San that he's the best, but since we never see Joe Esposito I like to imagine the All-Valley Karate Tournament competitors singing this to themselves. Plus it's one of the greatest sports movie montages ever.
#1, Nelly *
I bet Nelly would wear one of those "#1 Dad" t-shirts. Unironically.
GIRLFRIEND, Avril Lavigne
One of the most viewed YouTube videos of all-time. More of a specific boast ("I'm better than your girlfriend") than a general one ("I'm better than everyone") employed by many of these songs, but I included it because I think the video is funny, and it's the only time I've been attracted to Ms. Lavigne.
THE WORLD'S GREATEST, R. Kelly
A surprisingly low-key video, considering the lyrics and especially considering R. Kelly's penchant for over-the-top weirdness.
GASTON, Gaston, Lefou and others
Perhaps the very best of the "I'm the very best" songs. Every last inch of him's covered with hair.
One last clip before I go...not a song, but one of the funniest examples of bragging, ever. See you in Sunday School!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Adventures in rebranding
"We need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it."
--Principal Seymour Skinner, shortly before his barbershop quartet agrees to call themselves the Be Sharps
Did you guys hear that they changed the name of Big Ben to "Elizabeth Tower?" Ridiculous, right? That's what I thought the first time I heard about it. As it turns out, the clock tower itself is being renamed, but the bell at the top will still be called Big Ben. Also, those responsible for the name change acknowledge that even though the official name is being altered to honor Britain's current monarch, most people will continue to refer to the entire structure as Big Ben. So it's not as ridiculous a name change as it originally seemed.
Many people and things change their names, and most of the time it's a big mistake. For every good name change (Marion Morrison becoming John Wayne), there's a whole bunch of bad ones (Chad Johnson becoming Chad Ochocinco, Ron Artest changing his name to Metta World Peace, the ever-changing monikers of Sean "Puffy" Combs). Prince is kind of an in between example; changing your name to a symbol is pretty crazy, but TAFKAP ("The Artist Formerly Known as Prince") is a fun acronym to say.
But the real atrocities happen when a name gets changed as a result of corporate overthinking (or maybe it's underthinking?).Sometimes when a company or organization changes their name, it works out for the best, like when "David and Jerry's Guide to the World Wide Web" was rechristened "Yahoo!" But more often than not it winds up like one of these examples:
--The competition to provide home digital services is intense, and apparently the old names weren't cutting it, because Qwest and Comcast are now known as CenturyLink and Xfinity, respectively. When a corporation changes its name, my first reaction is to think they're trying to cover up a track record of dishonesty or poor service and get a fresh start (I think there was actually a merger involved in Qwest's case, but it still seems a little fishy). Plus, both company's old AND new names are just awful, sounding like the marketing department's best efforts at coming up with something that sounds cutting edge or futuristic. It reminds me of when Homer was trying to come up with a name for his fledgling Internet business and settles on CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet.
--Speaking of companies changing their name to make it seem more relevant to the digital age...how'd that "O.co" experiment work out for you, Overstock? At least O.co wasn't as bad as Qwikster.
--As shown above, every company wants to seem hip and trendy, wants to appeal to as wide and youthful and affluent a demographic as possible. Renaming well known (if uncool) retail outlets Radio Shack and Pizza Hut "the Shack" and "the Hut" is not smart. Those are always the worst options when you're playing MASH. People don't want to visit the Slum or the Shanty and they don't want to hang out at the Shack or the Hut.
--Speaking of pizza...there was once a sitcom called Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. It starred, among others, Ryan Reynolds and Mrs. Jon Hamm, and Nathan Fillion joined the cast for season 2. After said second season it changed its name to Two Guys and a Girl and was canceled not long after. The name change probably wasn't solely responsible for the show's demise, despite all the soon-to-be-big names, it just wasn't funny. (In the first three minutes of that clip, there's some foreshadowing of the Green Lantern AND a reference to another famous name-changer, Cat Stevens.)
--That was just one show...a few years ago the SciFi Network changed its name to SyFy. I guess that's more of a spelling change and not a full name change, but it might be the dumbest one on this list.
--Another crucial spelling change: good things happened initially when the Oneders became the Wonders, but ultimately we lost out on chances for funny mispronunciations and the band eventually broke up. They should've stuck with Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.
--My all-time least favorite name change? Back in 2002, the World Wrestling Federation lost a lawsuit brought by the World Wildlife Fund, and overnight the WWF became the WWE. At first it stood for "World Wrestling Entertainment," but now the full name is just WWE. Its name now looks like the call letters for a radio station. Same goes for KFC, the official name of the former Kentucky Fried Chicken.
--Finally, we come to Energy Solutions Arena, the current name of what was originally the Delta Center. It's bad enough that when corporate naming rights come up in the news, fans are reminded that pro sports is all about the money. But "Energy Solutions Arena?" Seriously? Not that "Delta Center" was a particularly great name, but it rolled off the tongue much more easily, and having an airline as your most prominent sponsor is much better than having a company that provides nuclear wast disposal services. There are a number of sports facilities that are better known by a nickname, such as "The Garden," "Happy Valley," "The Big House," etc. Along those lines, the natural nickname for ESA is "The Dump." Well done, executive team.
"There's a game tonight at The Dump. Want to go?"
"The Dump? Where's that?"
"Downtown, right next to Shack and the Hut."
This week in Sunday School we get an example of both good and bad name changes. Ammon and his fellow missionaries start to have great success among the Lamanites. Their converts want to a new name to distinguish them from Lamanites, so the king and many priests consult together (yet again, corporate overthinking) and come up with "Anti-Nephi-Lehies" (see Alma 23:16-17). Ugh. Fortunately the Nephites recognized that nobody wanted to call them that, and the Anti-Nephi-Lehies became known as the people of Ammon (see Alma 27:26).
If you have a favorite example of ill-advised name changes that I've omitted, leave it in the comments. The more bad examples we see, the more we'll all realize that names shouldn't be changed unless absolutely necessary.
--Principal Seymour Skinner, shortly before his barbershop quartet agrees to call themselves the Be Sharps
Did you guys hear that they changed the name of Big Ben to "Elizabeth Tower?" Ridiculous, right? That's what I thought the first time I heard about it. As it turns out, the clock tower itself is being renamed, but the bell at the top will still be called Big Ben. Also, those responsible for the name change acknowledge that even though the official name is being altered to honor Britain's current monarch, most people will continue to refer to the entire structure as Big Ben. So it's not as ridiculous a name change as it originally seemed.
Many people and things change their names, and most of the time it's a big mistake. For every good name change (Marion Morrison becoming John Wayne), there's a whole bunch of bad ones (Chad Johnson becoming Chad Ochocinco, Ron Artest changing his name to Metta World Peace, the ever-changing monikers of Sean "Puffy" Combs). Prince is kind of an in between example; changing your name to a symbol is pretty crazy, but TAFKAP ("The Artist Formerly Known as Prince") is a fun acronym to say.
But the real atrocities happen when a name gets changed as a result of corporate overthinking (or maybe it's underthinking?).Sometimes when a company or organization changes their name, it works out for the best, like when "David and Jerry's Guide to the World Wide Web" was rechristened "Yahoo!" But more often than not it winds up like one of these examples:
--The competition to provide home digital services is intense, and apparently the old names weren't cutting it, because Qwest and Comcast are now known as CenturyLink and Xfinity, respectively. When a corporation changes its name, my first reaction is to think they're trying to cover up a track record of dishonesty or poor service and get a fresh start (I think there was actually a merger involved in Qwest's case, but it still seems a little fishy). Plus, both company's old AND new names are just awful, sounding like the marketing department's best efforts at coming up with something that sounds cutting edge or futuristic. It reminds me of when Homer was trying to come up with a name for his fledgling Internet business and settles on CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet.
--Speaking of companies changing their name to make it seem more relevant to the digital age...how'd that "O.co" experiment work out for you, Overstock? At least O.co wasn't as bad as Qwikster.
--As shown above, every company wants to seem hip and trendy, wants to appeal to as wide and youthful and affluent a demographic as possible. Renaming well known (if uncool) retail outlets Radio Shack and Pizza Hut "the Shack" and "the Hut" is not smart. Those are always the worst options when you're playing MASH. People don't want to visit the Slum or the Shanty and they don't want to hang out at the Shack or the Hut.
--Speaking of pizza...there was once a sitcom called Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. It starred, among others, Ryan Reynolds and Mrs. Jon Hamm, and Nathan Fillion joined the cast for season 2. After said second season it changed its name to Two Guys and a Girl and was canceled not long after. The name change probably wasn't solely responsible for the show's demise, despite all the soon-to-be-big names, it just wasn't funny. (In the first three minutes of that clip, there's some foreshadowing of the Green Lantern AND a reference to another famous name-changer, Cat Stevens.)
--That was just one show...a few years ago the SciFi Network changed its name to SyFy. I guess that's more of a spelling change and not a full name change, but it might be the dumbest one on this list.
--Another crucial spelling change: good things happened initially when the Oneders became the Wonders, but ultimately we lost out on chances for funny mispronunciations and the band eventually broke up. They should've stuck with Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.
--My all-time least favorite name change? Back in 2002, the World Wrestling Federation lost a lawsuit brought by the World Wildlife Fund, and overnight the WWF became the WWE. At first it stood for "World Wrestling Entertainment," but now the full name is just WWE. Its name now looks like the call letters for a radio station. Same goes for KFC, the official name of the former Kentucky Fried Chicken.
--Finally, we come to Energy Solutions Arena, the current name of what was originally the Delta Center. It's bad enough that when corporate naming rights come up in the news, fans are reminded that pro sports is all about the money. But "Energy Solutions Arena?" Seriously? Not that "Delta Center" was a particularly great name, but it rolled off the tongue much more easily, and having an airline as your most prominent sponsor is much better than having a company that provides nuclear wast disposal services. There are a number of sports facilities that are better known by a nickname, such as "The Garden," "Happy Valley," "The Big House," etc. Along those lines, the natural nickname for ESA is "The Dump." Well done, executive team.
"There's a game tonight at The Dump. Want to go?"
"The Dump? Where's that?"
"Downtown, right next to Shack and the Hut."
This week in Sunday School we get an example of both good and bad name changes. Ammon and his fellow missionaries start to have great success among the Lamanites. Their converts want to a new name to distinguish them from Lamanites, so the king and many priests consult together (yet again, corporate overthinking) and come up with "Anti-Nephi-Lehies" (see Alma 23:16-17). Ugh. Fortunately the Nephites recognized that nobody wanted to call them that, and the Anti-Nephi-Lehies became known as the people of Ammon (see Alma 27:26).
If you have a favorite example of ill-advised name changes that I've omitted, leave it in the comments. The more bad examples we see, the more we'll all realize that names shouldn't be changed unless absolutely necessary.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Hoffmann of the Month: July
Whitney Houston believed the children were our future. That may have been true when the song was released in 1986, but children aren't Dippin' Dots, the harbinger of a future that will never arrive. In 2012, the children are no longer our future--they're our right friggin' now!
Case in point (or cases, rather): two youngsters, Dylan and Jordan, who achieved greatness last Spring, earning them the distinction of Co-Hoffmanns of the Month for July. It's the first time the illustrious award has been shared in its 14-month history.
(Quick: before reading on, guess the gender of Dylan and Jordan. There's one of each. This child-dominated future-present we've arrived in has some drawbacks, including a huge uptick in androgynous names.)
Back in May, Dylan Hoffman won the Doodle 4 Google contest with that sweet pirate design pictured above, netting himself some sweet scholarship cash and a day on the Google homepage. There were over 100 thousand entries from all grade levels K-12, but in true "Hoffmann of the Month" fashion Dylan kicked all of their butts even though he's only in the 2nd grade.
A few weeks later the Scripps National Spelling Bee was held. I'm an experienced speller, having won my school bee in 5th grade and performed admirably in a Broadway spelling bee. The little girl who bested me on Broadway (read the links, it's an amusing story) must be of competitive spelling age by now, but I fear she'd be no match for our other co-H of the M, Jordan Hoffman, a finalist in this year's bee.
Check this out--they have a round-by-round breakdown of each speller's words, including the misspelling that ousted them from the competition. Jordan was the first finalist eliminated, but that was still good for 9th place overall--pretty impressive.
Even more impressive? This snarky column I found about the final round, which was pretty complimentary towards Ms. Hoffman, calling her "a real maverick" and "a little too normal" for competitive spelling, and giving her an "exit score" of 10/10.
Congrats, Dylan and Jordan! With up-and-coming Hoffmans like you, it seems our present and future are in good hands.
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