The lesson in Gospel Doctrine this week is all about the gathering of the House of Israel. I studied up on the topic early in the week, because I knew that I'd be too distracted to do so later on, thanks to another gathering with high stakes (of Zion or otherwise)--the NCAA basketball tournament. That's right, March Madness is here again!
In typical fashion, I've smashed the Sunday School curriculum together with something completely unrelated. Using the meaning of the names of Israel's children and/or the blessings he gave them in Genesis 49, I've assigned three tribes to each tournament region. Some connections were much more tenuous than others, but rest assured they're all ridiculous. Let's check who's going to make the Final Four and eventually follow in the tradition of David (i.e., be crowned the "champion" of the House of Israel).
MIDWEST REGION
Gad: Jacob prophesied that "a troop shall overcome him" (Gen. 49:19). The Crusaders of Valparaiso are troops, and by the time this gets published they will have been overcome by the Spartan troops of Michigan St. The name Gad means "good fortune," and the quirky Billiken mascot of Saint Louis is basically a giant good luck charm.
Joseph: Jacob goes on and on about Joseph being a fruitful bough (see Gen. 49:22-26), and who better to tend a vineyard than someone from an agricultural school? The Midwest features the Aggies of both New Mexico St. and North Carolina A&T. Don't expect either to last long in the tourney, though.
Naphtali: The name means "wrestlings," and the Oklahoma St. Cowboys have won more NCAA wrestling titles than any other school. Too bad this is basketball.
The Midwest tribes do a better job of connecting to more teams than the other regions, but they didn't include many of the top seeds. MSU and SLU give the nod to Gad, but he may be vulnerable in the Final Four.
REGIONAL CHAMP: Gad
WEST REGION
Judah: Judah is "a lion's whelp" (Gen. 49:9). There are no lions (Nittany or otherwise) in this year's tourney, but there are Wildcats from Arizona and Kansas St. in this region, and that's generic enough to work here. So there you go, Judah.
Reuben: Israel described his firstborn as the beginning of strength but also as unstable (see Gen. 49:3-4). In the animal kingdom, when you want to talk unbridled strength matched with unstable ferocity, you begin with the honeybadger. Plain old Wisconsin Badgers can be pretty aggressive too.
Simeon: In Gen. 49:6, Simeon's great anger was singled out by his father. When one gets really angry, their face often turns beet red, even crimson, if you will. Simeon is the Ivy League champ Harvard Crimson. (I told you some connections were sketchier than others.
If some school had a sandwich-based mascot, it would be Reuben all the way. But the double Wildcats tip the scales here.
REGIONAL CHAMP: Judah
SOUTH REGION
Asher: Asher means happy. I don't know if crocs are happy, but all those teeth sure make it look like they're smiling. The Florida Gators get a shout-out in this post.
Dan: "Dan shall be a serpent," Israel said (Gen. 49:17). Earlier in Genesis, the devil assumed the form of a serpent. The Duke Blue Devils are in a different region, but the Northwestern State Demons will do here.
Issachar: On to Issachar, who is "a strong ass" (Gen. 49:14). San Diego St. has the strongest Ass-tecs in the entire tournament field.
The Aztecs win the crown of lamest connection in this post, but it's enough to advance Issy out of a weak region.
REGIONAL CHAMP: Issachar
EAST REGION
Benjamin: Jacob likens his youngest to a ravenous wolf. So an entire pack of wolves (in this case, the Pack from North Carolina St.) is actually a logical connection, an increasingly rare sight as this post goes on.
Levi: The Levites were consecrated to serve in the temple. The Temple Owls are the Wolfpack's first-round opponent.
Zebulun: "Zebulun shall dwell at the haven of the sea; and he shall be for an haven of ships" (Gen. 49:13). If you focus on the first phrase of that verse and completely disregard the second, then a comparison to the Miami Hurricanes makes a lot of sense.
But it's hard to disregard that second phrase. With the focus on gathering Israel, it's also hard to disregard a connection to temple ordinances.
REGIONAL CHAMP: Levi
FINAL FOUR
The "troop" teams seem a bit better than the Wildcat entries, so Gad squeaks by Judah to challenge Levi for the crown (really, Issachar was a bit of a fraud as a regional champion). Moses was the most famous Levite ever. The most famous basketball Moses, Moses Malone, went straight from high school to the pros, and never participated in March Madness. In a bracket this random and arbitrary, that's a good enough reason for me for Levi to lose.
ISRAEL'S CHAMPION: GAD
Congratulations, Gad! Enjoy your one shining moment.
No comments:
Post a Comment