Sicko

Here it is, my 2011 Halloween costume. Not everyone can tell right away who I'm dressed as, but if you think about it for a minute you should be able to figure it out.

That's right, I'm Magnum P.I. after a nervous breakdown and a prolonged stretch of unemployment.

Ok, that's not true. I'm rabble-rouser documentarian Michael Moore, a costume equally scary to adults where I live as witches and werewolves are to kids. Some thoughts on this year's creation:

--I have no strong opinion on Michael Moore. I've never seen any of his movies. This was not a political costume, it was an easy costume. It basically involved me dressing like a slob and relaxing my standards of grooming and hygiene for a few weeks. My hair is actually longer now than it ever has been, and it's really annoying. I don't know how people handle long hair.

--It's actually kind of embarrassing that the costume was easy...all of those junky clothes are mine, and all are part of the regular rotation (except the hat; it's pretty gross and was retired about two years ago). I did enhance my stomach area, but sadly the pillow I used is actually pretty small.

--I had a good time shouting Halloween-themed leftist slogans through the megaphone. Stuff like, "Do you think it's fair that 1% of the trick-or-treaters get 75% of the candy?" (don't fact check, please) and "Occupy the fun size Snickers!"

--For someone who likes to hit up church dances on Halloween, this was probably a poor costume choice. I wouldn't be Michael Moore if I took the coat off, plus I had to hang on to the megaphone. It's not really heavy, but it's got some heft to it and I'm weak. I got tired out after just a few songs. I don't know how a scrawny guy like Jimmy Hart could handle holding the megaphone up nonstop.

--Several people at the dance guessed that I was Peter Jackson (I should've tried to add some white to my facial hair). Those wrong guessers would invariably go to Steven Spielberg next. I'd have to say, "You're on the right track, but think of someone more annoying." And then they'd get it.

--They weren't the only ones to misinterpret someone's costume though...walking through the hallway of the U of U Institute, I saw a girl dressed as Sarah Palin and started shouting "Boo!" into the megaphone. After I said it four or five times and saw how confused and borderline tearful she was, I said, "You're Sarah Palin, right?"

"No, I'm a secretary."

I apologized, but she should apologize for picking such a boring (and misleading!) costume.

And now the preparation begins for Halloween Costume 2012. I've got less than a year to get ready!