Another, more surprising resource you could use to learn about the Fall? The article written by Adam in this month's Ensign. No, not the article written about him--the one written by him. There's no byline or anything, but it's written in first person. I find it very weird. The February issue hasn't been mailed out yet, but it's already available online, and it features a piece penned by Noah, so obviously they're planning to continue this throughout the year.
 |
| Noah, exhorting the people to check out his blog. |
I'm being a little loose with the term "prophet" for this list, since the Lord's people in Old Testament times did not have an organized church in the same way that allows for my more narrowly defined Apostolic Power Rankings (which will be an ongoing feature) and Latter-day Prophet Power Rankings. For the purposes of this post, I'm considering those like Noah who were clearly prophets in the way we think about them today, folks like Job who had no clear prophetic calling but whose lives and teachings are of value to us today, and even those like David who were secular leaders but also played a major role in the spiritual lives of the people.
I'm going to "limit" my list to 25, which means notables such as Methuselah, Aaron, Saul, Deborah, and Ezra don't make the cut. We'll start off with the projected rankings--my predicted order based on number of Likes on (theoretical future) official LDS Facebook pages for these prophets.
PROJECTED ORDER
25. Ezekiel--Mormons know about the sticks of Judah and Joseph, and that's about it. It's a long book, not quoted in the Book of Mormon, and if you're reading through the OT you have to get through Psalms, Isaiah, and Jeremiah to even reach Ezekiel. Ranked at the bottom due to collective ignorance.
24. Gideon--The stories about Gideon are cool but not particularly well-known.
23. Solomon--The next few are ranked low because, collectively, people would feel weird Liking a page for someone as known for the bad they did as for the good.
22. Samson--Like I said, I'm using the term "prophet" a little loosely.
21. David--Would definitely be the most popular of the at-times-wicked men on this list.
20. Isaac--Pretty much the only thing we know about him is that he couldn't tell Jacob and Esau apart, but he's always listed as a great example of righteousness.
19. Jeremiah--Gets bumped up a few spots because Mormons know he was a contemporary of Lehi; otherwise he might be down in Ezekiel range.
18. Elisha--He's no Elijah, but that incident with the she bears is one of everyone's favorite OT stories.
17. Malachi--His connection to Elijah, Joseph Smith, and key LDS doctrines (tithing, family history) would probably rank him much higher for Mormons than he would be for Christianity as a whole.
16. Joshua--He's around for hundreds of pages, and that helps his cause. Plus almost everyone knows the "Choose ye this day" scripture.
15. Ruth--Her story proves that men are totally ok with women asking them out.
14. Jonah--We all know about the "great fish," but since his book is tucked away at the back, many likely don't know the whole story, or he might not be so high...
13. Samuel--Smack dab in the middle of the list. Seems about right.
12. Daniel--Another back-of-the-book prophet whose cause is helped by having kid-friendly stories.
11. Job--Just misses out on the top 10. Yet another woe for the master of patience.
10. Esther--The top-ranking woman on the list. Definitely a great lady--but is she "cool?"
9. Jacob--I feel that Joseph is just a tad more memorable than his father...
8. Joseph--...once again, his dreams come to pass.
7. Isaiah--Everyone would Like his page to make it seem as if they understand his writings.
6. Enoch--He'd be lumped in with Seth, Enos, and all the other non-top-25 patriarchs if not for the Pearl of Great Price.
5. Elijah--Probably the #1 prophet in the coveted "males 18-49" demographic, due largely to his mountaintop showdown with the priests of Baal.
4. Abraham--One of the stars of the Old Testament, plus Mormons know some cool stuff about him that isn't even in the OT, thanks to the Pearl of Great Price.
3. Adam--Another prophet we know much more about due to modern revelation. (No, I'm not referring to the Ensign article again.)
2. Noah--Star of the most well-known Old Testament story. When missionaries teach investigators about living prophets, they invariably say that the're modern versions of Noah and...
1. Moses--...and this guy! The prophet prototype. Star of a huge chunk of the OT, plus many movie adaptations of the same. I can make a solid case for my picks, but this is the only one out of all 25 that I'm fully confident in the accuracy of.
MY ORDER
This list ranks the prophets in the order I would be most apt to Like their unofficial pages. (I wish to emphasize that even if I don't "Like" a Facebook page doesn't mean I don't lowercase-l like/respect/honor these people.)
25. Jonah--I was a freshman in college when I read the Old Testament cover-to-cover for the first time. When I finally reached Jonah, and learned that he was disappointed when the Ninevites actually repented and were spared, I was pretty shocked. Sour grapes are unbecoming in a prophet.
24. Isaac--As mentioned above, he's practically a cypher compared to his father and son.
23. Ruth--It would be a pity for this list to be ruth-less, but it's that corny joke itself which ensures Orpah's sister-in-law places low on my list.
22. Jeremiah--Jeremiah was a prophet, was a good friend of mine...but clearly not that good.
21. Ezekiel--A prophet's job is never easy, but it rarely requires them to lie on their side for 390 days, eating dung-laced bread (see Ezekiel 4). Mad props to Ezekiel.
20. Jacob--A faithful man, but some of his actions are a little iffy--hating one of his wives, quarreling with his father-in-law, manipulating his father to gain the birthright, and more.
19. Gideon--I think our armies should always be chosen by the way people drink from a stream.
18. Malachi--Could potentially rank much higher if we had some narratives to go with the great teachings.
17. Job--Behemoth and leviathan are the curelom and cumom of the Old Testament.
16. Isaiah--I don't understand all of Isaiah's prophecies, but I think I really nailed this one.
15. Joshua--I'm reading Joshua right now in my personal scripture study, so he's fresh on my mind. Otherwise he might slot in a few places lower.
14. Esther--Esther's story is pretty cool, even though the songs from the "Liken the Scriptures" version aren't as ridiculous as those in the Ammon video.
13. Solomon--I'm pretty sure "cut the baby in half" was the first Bible story I ever heard, and it's still fun to reference today when determining the "true" owner of a dessert or a spot on the couch during a movie or pretty much anything else.
12. Samuel--The dude was fearless, whether it was telling off the people for wanting a king, telling off Saul while he was king, or my favorite, "hew[ing] Agag in pieces" (1 Sam. 15:33).
11. Elisha--Naaman, "they that be with us...," his devotion to Elijah, helping out the poor and widowed--all good things. But his high spot is mainly due to the she bears.
10. Samson--Like Solomon, I learned about Samson when very young, and nostalgia keeps him high on the list. Samson overreacts to any slight, is obsessed with looking good, he drinks, and is disrespectful to women--he'd fit right in on any MTV reality show. I wouldn't follow his example, but I would Like his page.
9. Abraham--I don't really get the whole "pretend my wife is my sister" thing (which Isaac also did), but otherwise Abraham was pretty awesome.
8. Enoch--He was the man. Moving mountains, founding Zion, and everything in between.
7. Daniel--I like the Word of Wisdom stuff, the lions' den stuff, the connection to Shadrach Meshach and Abednego stuff, and the interpreting dreams stuff, but he rises this high on the list mainly because of his involvement in my favorite Sunday School blog post of all time.
6. David--I'm not ignorant of his many shortcomings. But he deserves some credit for remaining fully loyal to Jehovah when so many of his contemporaries and successors turned to idolatry. (Also, I just finished reading Beowulf for one of my classes, and have been thinking about how many similarities there are between David and the 'wulf. This may have artificially inflated his ranking here.)
5. Moses--Not #1 on my list, but there's no shame in being #5.
4. Noah--Sure, the trailer for the new Noah movie looks pretty cool, but you just know Russell Crowe's singing will ruin it.
3. Adam--I said Enoch was the man, but Adam was literally the man for a while.
2. Elijah--I'm right in the heart of that male 18-49 demographic. I love that he was able to slip some sarcasm in to that aforementioned duel. That's my kind of prophet.
1. Joseph--As with Daniel, his role in my favorite Sunday School blog can't be ignored, but it's the Dreamcoat musical that really secures him the top spot. There will hopefully be a "watch with Jeff" post in a few weeks to chronicle my love for the Andrew Lloyd Webber masterpiece.
So, what do you think? Which rankings did I mess up on? More importantly, what other ancient prophets do you hope will pen guest articles for the Ensign in 2014?
Joseph is by far my favorite prophet from the Old Testament. Though I remember when I went to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor dreamcoat starring Donnie Osmond, as a senior in high school I remember talking to all my friends during intermission and was like--whoa--this isn't like the Bible story at all. And everyone was like--what? But I really like the comment that you'd like Isaiah just because you want people to think you understand it...nice...
ReplyDelete