The Oscars have been in the news a lot this week. Producer Brett Ratner quit, and soon after Eddie Murphy dropped out as host. A few days later it was announced that Billy Crystal would host next year's ceremony.
This series of events disappointed me for a number of reasons. For starters, once the spot became open I made it known on Facebook that I was available and willing to host, and I didn't even get a call.
Second, Billy Crystal--seriously? He used to be funny, and he's been an entertaining Oscar host in the past, but he's reached the point where he's too old and not so funny, but he doesn't realize it because people humor him and laugh politely at his jokes because he's so old and nice (this also happens a lot at LDS General Conference).
Finally, I really wanted to see Eddie host. He's been somewhat of a recluse the last 20 years, so it's hard to know if he'd be good or not, but in his prime he was a much better comedian than Chris Rock--and I LOVED Rock's stint hosting the Oscars back in 2005.
In Rock's opening monologue, he made a number of jokes at the expense of Jude Law, prompting a response about two hours later in the broadcast by Sean Penn when Penn came out to present an award. (I actually like Jude Law; he's a typically charming Brit, and I thought he was good in Sherlock Holmes and The Holiday. But the jokes were still very funny.) Penn was utterly humorless, which made his speech completely hilarious. I would gladly link to or embed the video in this post, but I can't find it! The best moment in the 80+ years of the Oscars, and it's nowhere to be found on the Internet! At least by me.
But it's got to be out there somewhere...I'm convinced that everything has been uploaded to the Internet by this point. If anyone can find these clips, and get me the links, I'll love you forever.
The exchange between Rock and Penn also led to perhaps the most passive-aggressive move in world history. The following week, SNL did a "Sean Penn's Celebrity Roast" sketch playing off of Mr. Penn's lack of a funny bone. It was great. So great, that I invited some friends over specifically to watch that sketch off of my VHS tape.
There was a joke made during the sketch that I freely admit was inappropriate. At that exact moment, my roommate walked into the apartment. He paused for a few seconds, heard another off-color joke, then walked back to our bedroom without saying anything. On his way to the back, he picked up a picture of Jesus that stood on the top of our entertainment center and laid it face-down. It was amazing.
Anyway, I can't find that sketch anywhere online either, except on Hulu Plus. I'm hoping someone, anyone, can help me find these videos, so I can share them with others. Your other assignment: read up about a different Jude to get ready for tomorrow's Sunday School class. I'm sure the content of the lesson will allow any pictures of Christ to stay upright.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Barack the Vote
[I'm not a very political person. When I think about that stuff, I'm fairly moderate, maybe a little more liberal in my views on economic policy and a little more conservative on "social" issues, but mostly I'm just apathetic. This post is not intended as a statement in favor of or opposition to the President. It is intended to be entertaining; hopefully it doesn't fail completely in that regard.
This also seems like a good time to mention (they like us to do this on a regular basis) that while I work for JetBlue Airways, and even Tweet for them on their official account, my blog is my blog and does not represent the views of my employer.]
Can you believe it? One year from today is the next presidential election! It seems like the inauguration was only yesterday. Probably because the 2012 campaign has been going pretty much since the day after the inauguration. Also, because I think of the phrase "when yellow will be mellow" anytime I need a good giggle.
As a Mormon, it might seem logical that I would be a supporter of Mitt Romney or Jon Huntsman. But I actually have a lot more in common with President Obama. I may not have the same track record of killing off terrorist masterminds, but other than that, we're basically two peas in a pod. Don't believe me? Check this out:
TOP 10 THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA
10. We both work from home most of the time.
9. Both of us get to fly for free.
8. Each of us feel that, most of the time, Fox News is pretty ridiculous.
7. The President and I each have one parent that was not born in the United States.
6. When President Bush left office, both of us were dealing with some serious employment and economic problems.
5. We both think Michelle Obama is hot.
4. We're both terrific dancers.
3. Both of us wanted to be architects (wait, that's something the Prez has in common with George Costanza).
3. As a Mormon, if someone ever asks me about it, I too am ready to answer "Yes, we can."
2. I'm always encouraging people to watch NBC's show about a close-knit college study group. That's right, just like Barack, I am also a Community organizer.
1. No matter what other important things may be going on, President Obama and I will both drop everything we're doing to fill out a March Madness bracket.
Only 365 days left! Make sure you register!
This also seems like a good time to mention (they like us to do this on a regular basis) that while I work for JetBlue Airways, and even Tweet for them on their official account, my blog is my blog and does not represent the views of my employer.]
Can you believe it? One year from today is the next presidential election! It seems like the inauguration was only yesterday. Probably because the 2012 campaign has been going pretty much since the day after the inauguration. Also, because I think of the phrase "when yellow will be mellow" anytime I need a good giggle.
As a Mormon, it might seem logical that I would be a supporter of Mitt Romney or Jon Huntsman. But I actually have a lot more in common with President Obama. I may not have the same track record of killing off terrorist masterminds, but other than that, we're basically two peas in a pod. Don't believe me? Check this out:
TOP 10 THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA
10. We both work from home most of the time.
9. Both of us get to fly for free.
8. Each of us feel that, most of the time, Fox News is pretty ridiculous.
7. The President and I each have one parent that was not born in the United States.
6. When President Bush left office, both of us were dealing with some serious employment and economic problems.
5. We both think Michelle Obama is hot.
4. We're both terrific dancers.
3. Both of us wanted to be architects (wait, that's something the Prez has in common with George Costanza).
3. As a Mormon, if someone ever asks me about it, I too am ready to answer "Yes, we can."
2. I'm always encouraging people to watch NBC's show about a close-knit college study group. That's right, just like Barack, I am also a Community organizer.
1. No matter what other important things may be going on, President Obama and I will both drop everything we're doing to fill out a March Madness bracket.
Only 365 days left! Make sure you register!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Hoffmann of the Month: November
The Hoffmann of the Month for November is the one and only Dustin Hoffman! He's probably the most famous "Hoffmann" there is--so why choose him now, you might ask? A couple of reasons:
--We're already five days into the month, and I don't want to delay any longer while I try to scrounge up an obscure honoree.
--Halloween was technically last month, but it's still fresh in the brain as we begin November. One of Hoffman's most iconic roles is Tootsie, and what could be more Halloween-y than a movie about cross-dressing that's named after a chewy chocolate candy?
--I'm writing this on Guy Fawkes Day, which of course commemorates among other things a famous stake-burning--but not THE most famous stake-burning. That would probably be Joan of Arc, and Dustin was once in a movie about that. Plus Hoffman's look in Hook seems like it was based on the Guy Fawkes mask.
--It's the eve of the New York City Marathon, and Hoffman starred in Marathon Man.
--He's talented, sure, but he's basically an eccentric weirdo, as evidenced by the video above--an accurate parody of his weird performance at the 2003 Grammy Awards. (I can't find the real video anywhere, which is a good sign of just how ridiculous it was.)
So all things considered, Dustin Hoffman was clearly the right choice to be the Hoffmann of the Month for November. Definitely, definitely the right choice.
We Were Merely Freshmen
This week's Sunday School lesson covers the Epistle of James. That book contains perhaps my favorite phrase in all of scripture: "superfluity of naughtiness" (James 1:21). I congratulate the translator who came up with that one.
When I think of the name James, with no last name, my mind often goes back to when I lived in the dorms during my freshman year at BYU. My next-door neighbor Jary would crank up this song on a pretty regular basis, often coming into my room and singing along, loudly. It was kind of endearing, at least compared to a guy who lived a few doors down and would blast this song at full volume, often four or five times in a row. (Jary played his song almost every day for a while, but only once a day.)
With dorm life and superfluous naughtiness now on the brain, it's natural that I'd remember some freshman pranks. We had our share of minor pranks like jamming pennies in the doorjamb and hiding in the little crawl space between the pull-out beds and the wall, but luckily we didn't have to deal with any extreme pranksters.
The most fun and elaborate prank we ever pulled off was at the expense of Jary's roommate Josh. Josh was an affable but spacey guy, and a very sound sleeper. One night he fell asleep early, like 8:30-ish. He was ripe for the pranking. We got everyone who was around on the floor to play along to make Josh think it was the following morning. We all changed our clocks to the time Josh's alarm was set for.
Josh's alarm went off, and he groggily emerged into the hallway, where he saw guys in robes and pajamas. He made his way to the communal bathroom, where other guys were shaving or brushing their teeth and some were coming out of the shower. Josh got himself ready, grabbed his backpack and his bike and headed out for his 8AM class--at about 10PM. I'm not sure how far he got before he figured out what time it really was, but he came back and congratulated us on an awesome prank. (Told you he was affable.)
Sometimes I wonder how we survived without cell phones. But other times I wish they weren't so ubiquitous, because they would make this prank impossible to pull off today. What's the most superfluously naughty prank you've ever been a part of?
When I think of the name James, with no last name, my mind often goes back to when I lived in the dorms during my freshman year at BYU. My next-door neighbor Jary would crank up this song on a pretty regular basis, often coming into my room and singing along, loudly. It was kind of endearing, at least compared to a guy who lived a few doors down and would blast this song at full volume, often four or five times in a row. (Jary played his song almost every day for a while, but only once a day.)
With dorm life and superfluous naughtiness now on the brain, it's natural that I'd remember some freshman pranks. We had our share of minor pranks like jamming pennies in the doorjamb and hiding in the little crawl space between the pull-out beds and the wall, but luckily we didn't have to deal with any extreme pranksters.
The most fun and elaborate prank we ever pulled off was at the expense of Jary's roommate Josh. Josh was an affable but spacey guy, and a very sound sleeper. One night he fell asleep early, like 8:30-ish. He was ripe for the pranking. We got everyone who was around on the floor to play along to make Josh think it was the following morning. We all changed our clocks to the time Josh's alarm was set for.
Josh's alarm went off, and he groggily emerged into the hallway, where he saw guys in robes and pajamas. He made his way to the communal bathroom, where other guys were shaving or brushing their teeth and some were coming out of the shower. Josh got himself ready, grabbed his backpack and his bike and headed out for his 8AM class--at about 10PM. I'm not sure how far he got before he figured out what time it really was, but he came back and congratulated us on an awesome prank. (Told you he was affable.)
Sometimes I wonder how we survived without cell phones. But other times I wish they weren't so ubiquitous, because they would make this prank impossible to pull off today. What's the most superfluously naughty prank you've ever been a part of?
Friday, November 4, 2011
Sicko
Here it is, my 2011 Halloween costume. Not everyone can tell right away who I'm dressed as, but if you think about it for a minute you should be able to figure it out.
That's right, I'm Magnum P.I. after a nervous breakdown and a prolonged stretch of unemployment.
Ok, that's not true. I'm rabble-rouser documentarian Michael Moore, a costume equally scary to adults where I live as witches and werewolves are to kids. Some thoughts on this year's creation:
--I have no strong opinion on Michael Moore. I've never seen any of his movies. This was not a political costume, it was an easy costume. It basically involved me dressing like a slob and relaxing my standards of grooming and hygiene for a few weeks. My hair is actually longer now than it ever has been, and it's really annoying. I don't know how people handle long hair.
--It's actually kind of embarrassing that the costume was easy...all of those junky clothes are mine, and all are part of the regular rotation (except the hat; it's pretty gross and was retired about two years ago). I did enhance my stomach area, but sadly the pillow I used is actually pretty small.
--I had a good time shouting Halloween-themed leftist slogans through the megaphone. Stuff like, "Do you think it's fair that 1% of the trick-or-treaters get 75% of the candy?" (don't fact check, please) and "Occupy the fun size Snickers!"
--For someone who likes to hit up church dances on Halloween, this was probably a poor costume choice. I wouldn't be Michael Moore if I took the coat off, plus I had to hang on to the megaphone. It's not really heavy, but it's got some heft to it and I'm weak. I got tired out after just a few songs. I don't know how a scrawny guy like Jimmy Hart could handle holding the megaphone up nonstop.
--Several people at the dance guessed that I was Peter Jackson (I should've tried to add some white to my facial hair). Those wrong guessers would invariably go to Steven Spielberg next. I'd have to say, "You're on the right track, but think of someone more annoying." And then they'd get it.
--They weren't the only ones to misinterpret someone's costume though...walking through the hallway of the U of U Institute, I saw a girl dressed as Sarah Palin and started shouting "Boo!" into the megaphone. After I said it four or five times and saw how confused and borderline tearful she was, I said, "You're Sarah Palin, right?"
"No, I'm a secretary."
I apologized, but she should apologize for picking such a boring (and misleading!) costume.
And now the preparation begins for Halloween Costume 2012. I've got less than a year to get ready!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday Ghoul Lesson
[I've been pretty busy this week, and didn't get around to writing up a Halloween post to promote this week's Sunday School lesson. So here's the email I originally sent to my YSA ward on October 27, 2010. Enjoy!]
Many years ago, when I was a fairly new missionary in Scotland, Halloween fell on a Sunday. I had been asked to speak in sacrament meeting and was allowed to pick my own topic. I saw more than a few eyebrows raise when I began speaking about "How Halloween is Like the Atonement."
I had a couple of good ideas (on Halloween we dress up as things we aspire to be--doctors, superheroes, vampires, etc.--and the Atonement makes us better than we could be on our own; when we Trick or Treat, we are given candy without doing anything to earn it other than ask, which is eerily similar to how the grace of God works), but not nearly enough for a 10-minute talk. I'm pretty sure I even made a cringeworthy joke about (Holy) ghosts, and overall my grand idea for a memorable message turned out to be a disappointing dud.
Halloween falls on a Sunday again this year. When you come to Sunday School this week, though, you won't have to be "scared" of unprepared teachers or awkward, strained gospel comparisons. Our teachers do a
boo-tiful job. You can help them out by studying this week's curriculum.
It's our final week in the "Spook" of Isaiah, so make the most of it. Happy Halloween!
[Again, that was written last year. That link is not what we're studying this week; this is the current one. (Though it's doubtful anyone will see this post in time to do anything about it. Unless you're a week behind. Slackers.) It appears that Paul did not approve of trick-or-treating--he said "they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house...speaking things which they ought not" (1 Tim. 5:13). Leave me a comment if you find any other verses that are about Halloween when taken out of context!]
Many years ago, when I was a fairly new missionary in Scotland, Halloween fell on a Sunday. I had been asked to speak in sacrament meeting and was allowed to pick my own topic. I saw more than a few eyebrows raise when I began speaking about "How Halloween is Like the Atonement."
I had a couple of good ideas (on Halloween we dress up as things we aspire to be--doctors, superheroes, vampires, etc.--and the Atonement makes us better than we could be on our own; when we Trick or Treat, we are given candy without doing anything to earn it other than ask, which is eerily similar to how the grace of God works), but not nearly enough for a 10-minute talk. I'm pretty sure I even made a cringeworthy joke about (Holy) ghosts, and overall my grand idea for a memorable message turned out to be a disappointing dud.
Halloween falls on a Sunday again this year. When you come to Sunday School this week, though, you won't have to be "scared" of unprepared teachers or awkward, strained gospel comparisons. Our teachers do a
boo-tiful job. You can help them out by studying this week's curriculum.
It's our final week in the "Spook" of Isaiah, so make the most of it. Happy Halloween!
[Again, that was written last year. That link is not what we're studying this week; this is the current one. (Though it's doubtful anyone will see this post in time to do anything about it. Unless you're a week behind. Slackers.) It appears that Paul did not approve of trick-or-treating--he said "they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house...speaking things which they ought not" (1 Tim. 5:13). Leave me a comment if you find any other verses that are about Halloween when taken out of context!]
Friday, October 21, 2011
I'm just like Brandon Flowers
Well, not just like him. Nobody ever told me, you had a boyfriend, who looked like a girlfriend, that I had in February of last year. But (as you know if you've been on the Internet at all this week), he's a Mormon, and so am I.
As are the vast majority of the people I interact with or that view this blog. But in most of the country and the world, Mormons are a small minority, so I'm always fascinated when a show or publication or website with national or international reach says something about Mormons. For a number of reasons, it's been happening much more in the last year or so than ever before.
And I love it. Even the ones that make jokes at our expense (partly because I'm a comedy/satire junkie, and am always excited--and even feel a little honored--when people take the time to do some research to make a joke that goes beyond the stale, predictable polygamy and Osmond stuff.)
Comments about "magic underwear" bother me a little, but for the most part I enjoy all of this stuff. I'm a proponent of the "any publicity is good publicity" philosophy.
You know what? So was Paul. While getting ready for this week's Sunday School lesson, I read this in his letter to the Philippians "some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will...the one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction...but the other of love...what then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice" (Philip. 1:15-18).
Whether people say good things or bad about my church, either way it brings more attention, and more and more of those who sincerely want to know the truth about God will be inclined to investigate further. I avoid getting preachy on my blog, mainly because those types of posts would seem strange juxtaposed with all of the fluffy and inconsequential things I usually write about. But if anyone (whether it's someone I know or if you randomly came across my blog) has questions about Mormons, ask away. There are much better resources available than me, but if you leave a question I'll do my best to answer it.
My name is Jeff. I'm an amateur writer and comedian, a lover of television and dessert, and I'm a Mormon.
As are the vast majority of the people I interact with or that view this blog. But in most of the country and the world, Mormons are a small minority, so I'm always fascinated when a show or publication or website with national or international reach says something about Mormons. For a number of reasons, it's been happening much more in the last year or so than ever before.
And I love it. Even the ones that make jokes at our expense (partly because I'm a comedy/satire junkie, and am always excited--and even feel a little honored--when people take the time to do some research to make a joke that goes beyond the stale, predictable polygamy and Osmond stuff.)
Comments about "magic underwear" bother me a little, but for the most part I enjoy all of this stuff. I'm a proponent of the "any publicity is good publicity" philosophy.
You know what? So was Paul. While getting ready for this week's Sunday School lesson, I read this in his letter to the Philippians "some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will...the one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction...but the other of love...what then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice" (Philip. 1:15-18).
Whether people say good things or bad about my church, either way it brings more attention, and more and more of those who sincerely want to know the truth about God will be inclined to investigate further. I avoid getting preachy on my blog, mainly because those types of posts would seem strange juxtaposed with all of the fluffy and inconsequential things I usually write about. But if anyone (whether it's someone I know or if you randomly came across my blog) has questions about Mormons, ask away. There are much better resources available than me, but if you leave a question I'll do my best to answer it.
My name is Jeff. I'm an amateur writer and comedian, a lover of television and dessert, and I'm a Mormon.
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